by John Walters
Tweet Me Right
Soler power even works at night…
Starting Five
The Western World Cup
Eight nations remain in the 2019 Women’s World Cup. Seven of them hail from the western half of Europe and the eighth, well, This Is U.S.
Italy and Netherlands advanced with wins over China and Japan, respectively, yesterday. They’ll join England, Germany, Sweden, Norway, host nation France and the United States in action that continues tomorrow. We don’t know what this augurs or means other than that NATO is kicking ass on the women’s soccer pitch.
On His Rocker*
*The judges are already sorry about this one
Needing to stave off elimination—because no one ever staves on elimination—at the College World Series, Vanderbilt turned to freshman ace Kumar Rocker versus Michigan. Rocker, whom you may recall tossed a 19-K no-hitter versus Duke in the Super Regional, struck out 11 Skunkbears last night and pitched three-hit ball as the Commodores won 4-1.
Vandy (58-12) plays Michigan tonight in Omaha in the deciding game of the College World Series. And we’re guessing Rocker will not be available.
In case you were wondering, this marks the fourth time in the past six years that both such schools in the finals of the College World Series hailed from east of the Mississippi River. And if Michigan were to win, it would mark the second year in a row that a school from a northern location (last season, Oregon State) wins it all. Climate change be real, yo.
Bitch Is Back
Mark your calendar: July 17. One day and one day only, former special counsel Bob Mueller will testify in separate sessions before two separate House Committees: Intelligence and Judiciary. It’s the hottest ticket for a septuagenarian performer this side of the No Filter Tour.
Look for William Barr to appear on a tree stump on July 18 and publicly misconstrue all of Mueller’s previous testimony, for the record.
Our Hero
Doesn’t take much to make us happy (though Ding Dongs are an excellent start). This video will suffice for today.
Horrors Without Borders
No matter how you feel politically about Mexicans and other Latinos crossing the southern border without authorization and exactly what should be done about it, we’re hoping you’re anti-cruelty to children, particularly infants and toddlers. Is that such a brazen stand to take?
An excerpt from this story in The New York Times describes conditions at a facility in Clint, Texas: “
Children as young as 7 and 8, many of them wearing clothes caked with snot and tears, are caring for infants they’ve just met, the lawyers said. Toddlers without diapers are relieving themselves in their pants. Teenage mothers are wearing clothes stained with breast milk.
Most of the young detainees have not been able to shower or wash their clothes since they arrived at the facility, those who visited said. They have no access to toothbrushes, toothpaste or soap.
Perhaps this piece, published last Friday, was the final straw that persuaded acting Customs and Border Protection Commissioner John Sanders to resign yesterday.
When I was five my parents failed to pick me up from kindergarten. I was all by myself for 90 minutes, a traumatic experience that I recall to this day. And I wasn’t a toddler but five. And just two miles from my house (and also, okay, kind of a wuss). But multiply that trauma/fear exponentially, almost to the nth degree, and you get what it feels like to be one of those children…who, by the way, had no say in this border crossing gambit.
Does anyone in Congress remember what it feels like to be a tiny child and to not know where your parents are or when you’ll see them again and how freaking terrifying that is? Maybe we put aside debates as to whether or not you should call them “concentration camps” and, you know, get to the not insignificant task of not putting small children through misery?
******
GBTC Update: Psst, Susie B. It’s up 11% TUH-DAY. TUH-DAY! There are no cash prizes for being judgmental and skeptical. The bottom line is the bottom line and GBTC is up 300% since early February. I’m here to help.
Paint Misbehavin’
The Dance Class
Edgar Degas, 1874. More than half of the French master’s paintings were of female dancers so, yeah, you could imagine where he’d be hanging out in the 21st century. Degas also painted the odd woman ironing just to throw folks off the scent, but c’mon. He was like the Woody Allen of 19th-century painters. And, sure, okay, a founder of the Impressionist movement.
Remote Patrol
Democratic Debates, Night 1
9 p.m. NBC
Less than 50 miles from Mar-A-Lago, 20 Democratic hopefuls will encamp for two nights while on Fox they’ll just keep blaring a big red “SOCIALISM” alert sign as counter-programming. Tonight’s big kahuna is Elizabeth Warren, but don’t anyone tell Bill DeBlasio that.
Most in Congress couldn’t even handle those conditions as adults, much less as children.
Two days ago you opined about Pete Alonso possibly being juiced because he’s almost at 30 home runs before All-Star break. Mind you Pete was hitting homers at a ridiculous rate in Triple A last year (before they changed balls), but the assumption was that he was a nobody who could be tainted.
If only there was a Yankee who once hit 59 home runs after a previous high of 37 and has spent most of the year injured. Or maybe another Yankee who was cut in Spring Training from an outfield starved team but then hit 4 homers in 4 days and two days later was injured?
Any and all of the above is possible, Mickey. I don’t know what to believe as to who or who isn’t legit, but I think you’d agree that a rookie hitting 27 home runs before July 1st is rather eye-catching. As for Maybin, he hurt himself jumping for a ball in the 9th inning versus Toronto Monday night, which you may have seen. But don’t get me wrong: I’m not assuming the Yankees are clean and a Met is not. I’m honestly wondering if people being juiced, no matter who they play for, is part of what’s happening.
There was once a Yankee who hit 61 homers in a season after never before hitting more than 39 , and who averaged only 17 per year over the rest of his career.