by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

Amazing!! Watch what happens when a jazz band pulls over and decides to play a little music for some cows. 🧡 pic.twitter.com/bHii7LF2UL

— John Oberg (@JohnOberg) March 17, 2019

From La La Land, the Director’s Cut, we assume…

Starting Five

Bracket To The Future

While ESPN’s Rece Davis was chatting with Dickie Via Satellite yesterday afternoon, some noob in Bristol accidentally posted the women’s tournament bracket—whose reveal was scheduled for 7 p.m.—on the side of the screen and on the bottom crawl. You had one job. No one even reacted to it for a few minutes, proof that not even ESPN employees watch ESPN all that much any more.

You had one job.

We’re not mad. We’re kind of giddy. We imagine Adnan Virk enjoyed a good laugh at this one. The question going forward is whether anyone at ESPN has enough of a sense of humor to make this a “Not Top 10” moment.

You had one job.

2. Rosemary’s Baby

Follow the money. No private institution did more to prop up Donald Trump’s false claims of successful billionaire status in the past 20 years than Deutsche Bank. You cinephiles may recall an early scene in Casablanca when Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) refuses a prominent Deutsche Bank executive entry into his backroom casino; Rick had the right idea.

This withering New York Times piece reveals how the German national bank, particularly private banker Rosemary Vrablic, abandoned all fiscal common sense and basic decency to get in bed with Trump time after time after time, to the tune of $2 billion in loans, in exchange for being seen as edgy and standing out among lenders while also enjoying being in his celebrity orbit.

The most astonishing reveal, for us: After Trump defaulted on his loan for his Chicago hotel, he attempted to sue Deutsche Bank (claiming the reason for his fiscal troubles were a force majeure, “an act of God,” based on the fact that Allan Greenspan had called the sub-prime crisis an economic “tsuanmi.” But here’s the kicker: later Deutsche loaned Trump the money to pay back the loan to…Deutsche. The balls on that guy.)

It took nearly 70 years, but the Germans are finally exacting revenge for losing World War II.

3. High Nunes

California Congressman and Corey Lewandowski-wannabe Devin Nunes has filed a $250 million lawsuit against Twitter for, basically, allowing its users to exercise free speech.

Snowflake!

Of course, the insidious aspect of this is that Nunes’s action, hoping others will follow suit by filing suits, is to pummel outlets such as Twitter with lawsuits that will be costly simply to defend, thereby twisting their arms to stop allowing free expression. We’ll see how Jack Dorsey and others react.

In the meantime, it’s instructive to remember that in February of 2017 Nunes co-sponsored a bill called the “Discouraging Frivolous Lawsuits Act.”

If there’s one signifying trait of Trump Tools, it’s the absence of acknowledging their unabashed hypocrisy. They get that quality straight from the boss himself.

4.  And In The Process, Improving Their Seed

*The judges will not accept “Whore Eagle!”

So autocorrect also plagues control room graphics computers, too?

Either way, congratulations to the Tigers. And it’s nice to see that Rifle is not the only coed NCAA sport.

5. Record-Sized Trout Caught

The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (if that’s what they’re calling themselves this season) are about to land the largest fish ever caught: Mike Trout, for 12 years. What did the Angels use as bait? Southern California lifestyle and $430 million.

Reserves

Net Nyet…

Seems legit.

(via @trailblazers)pic.twitter.com/amJKGSNwPn

— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) March 19, 2019

Biblio Files

The Hidden Harbor Mystery

Frank. Joe. Fenton. Aunt Gertrude. Chet (and Iola) Morton. Biff Hooper. Callie Shaw. Tony Prito. The entire Bayport gang.

We haven’t picked up a Hardy Boys book in nearly 40 years, but we owe F.W. Dixon (whoever he/she/they was/were) an incalculable debt of gratitude because it was these books that instilled in us our love of reading. Mom and dad would blanch at the idea of giving me a quarter for a copy of Action Comics or Detective Comics (I was a DC lad), but they never thought twice about forking over $3 for a Hardy Boys book.

Nearest I can figure Bayport was either located on Long Island or Connecticut, or should have been. Frank, dark-haired and 18, and Joe, blond and one year younger, took us all over this country and later the globe and for a small kid opened up a world of adventure. They made sleuthing so much fun—and no one ever got shot.

What Harry Potter is to this latest generation, the Hardy Boys were to mine. Or at least to me.

(So we’re going to use this space to frequently highlight favorite books of ours. We invite you to send in some of yours, but instead of doing so in the Comments, please email us at trumansparks88@gmail.com. If we use your book we’ll happily provide your name and a comment or two you’ve added. There will be no pecuniary reward, but upon your death you will achieve total consciousness).

Remote Patrol

From Russia With Love

Netflix

Binge, James Binge.

The streaming service is doing us an invaluable (Her Majesty’s Secret) service by making available, by our unofficial count, 18 007 films. That includes the very best, such as this one, Goldfinger, You Only Live Twice, Diamonds Are Forever, Live and Let Die and The Spy Who Loved Me. We suggest you take them in order, beginning with 1962’s Dr. No. while this one, which is set largely in Turkey, comes next.