by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

In the future there will be just one annual NFL game, litigated in court for months afterward.

— Steve Rushin (@SteveRushin) January 21, 2019

Starting Five

The Dress Controversy

It was four years ago this winter when America looked at a photo of a dress and then descended into a lengthy debate as to whether it was blue and black or gold and white. Fortunately, at least for a day as I recall, there was a llama escape on a freeway in Phoenix to divert our attention.

The 2019 incarnation of the Dress Controversy is the Covington Catholic High School boys at the Lincoln Memorial incident. Do you look at the photo above or some of the accompanying videos and see a young man simply trying to “defuse the situation,” or do you see a kid staring down a Vietnam veteran with a smirk and non-verbally challenging him as his friends egg him on? It all depends on your perspective.

On Saturday we had the reaction to the video. On Saturday night/Sunday we had the pushback from the MAGA crowd, which led to Monday morning’s backpedaling/apologies from many in the media, which led to Monday night’s pushback (“Don’t Doubt What You Saw With Your Own Eyes” advised Deadspin), which led to late Monday night’s tweet from  Trump, which led to me thinking they really did do something wrong (Mitch McConnell’s former aide hooked them up with a P.R. firm to manage the situation).

(What do you see?)

Of course, this morning we wake up to a few more videos that do not cast these high school lads in the most favorable light. Here’s an idea: How about, as a school, not bussing a bunch of teenaged boys to participate in a march that they have no real-world experience appreciating in terms of the argument over abortion rights? At my all-boys Catholic high school, they bussed us to take ski trips at Sunrise or Snow Bowl. Much better use of everyone’s time.

If you search the web, there’s video of Covington boys acting the way teenage boys sometimes do in a mob situation. One, harassing a woman as she walks past. Two, one dude saying, “It’s not rape is she enjoys it.” One of their former classmates, Class of ’18, was just indicted for rape last month so, not a good look.

2. Rudy Can’t Fail (To Amuse Us)

Rudy Giuliani: “I knew the story was false.”

The @NewYorker‘s @IChotiner: “Because?”

Giuliani: “Because I have been through all the tapes…”

Chotiner: “Wait, what tapes have you gone through?”

Giuliani: “I shouldn’t have said tapes.”
https://t.co/9R5IE3TniF pic.twitter.com/lTM7UFRAEs

— David Gura (@davidgura) January 22, 2019

3. Krokodil Rot

If you saw the opening monologue on Saturday Night Live this weekend, there was a brief mention about a scary new flesh-eating drug called krokodil. They weren’t kidding.

The drug is a homemade, street version of desomorphine, which itself is 10 times more potent than morphine. It first became popular about a decade ago in Russia, as a heroin crackdown began and traffickers realized they could make this far more easily using codeine, iodine and red phosphorus (pro tip for Donald Trump: it’s not the drug, it’s the appetite for the drug).

Due to the strains of iodine and phosphorus in the drug, continued use leads to rotting of the flesh and eventually amputations. This is not the worst photo I could have posted here. Far from it. Google it if you like.

4. Feat of Klay

Our favorite thing to watch in the NBA—okay, in all of team sports—is the Golden State Warriors when the engine is revving. At Staples Center last night in front of LeBron (seated) and a national TNT audience, the Dubs exploded for 45 third-quarter points, 23 of which were scored by Klay Thompson (who left the game with 3 minutes to play in the quarter and never returned).

😬🍌 pic.twitter.com/WhNiL77mDB

— #RingerNBA (@ringernba) January 22, 2019

Thompson finished with 44 on the night on 17 of 20 shooting. He buried the first ten three-pointers he took in the game and his lone miss, on a heavily contested three (hey, he was feeling it) came just before coach Steve Kerr took him out. And yet what may remain most viral from this epic third quarter is the above, the worst seven seconds of Stephen Curry’s career.

5. Oscar, Oscar, Oscar

We’ll go deeper later, but here’s every Best Picture nominee (out earlier today) and what we didn’t love about it (You’re just a grouchy old man who can’t love anything made after 1999…You may be right, but we really did love Free Solo):

Have Not Seen: Bohemian Rhapsody, Green Book, Vice

Black Panther: Finally saw it on recommendation of @FightOnTwist. Liked it, thought many of the characters were outstanding. At a certain point, for us, the comic book violence lost its luster for us and we were bored. Don’t get me wrong: It wasn’t that I was shocked or horrified. I just no longer believed that there was any possible way to kill the good guys and at that point it’s like playing War with your friends when you’re seven and you shoot your buddy and he refuses to fall. The game loses any semblance of fun and fairness and you quit playing. Loved the Globalism vs. Nationalism theme, loved Chadwick Boseman, loved the callbacks to The Lion King (why does every African king have to rise after his dad is murdered and why is there always a bad uncle?), didn’t understand how you fly through a tunnel and come out to a land with panoramic vistas, but that’s just me.

BlacKkKlansman: I thought Spike Lee should’ve gotten a Best Director Oscar for Do The Right Thing and at the very, very least the film should’ve been nominated for Best Picture. An absolute shame. That said, I thought this film was heavy-handed and almost comical, like Hogan’s Heroes comical, in terms of how dumb the bad guys were made out to be. Also, no one has said this, but it was Adam Driver’s character who physically infiltrated the KKK and put himself at far greater risk, but JewKKKlansman doesn’t sell as many tickets.

A Star Is Born: For the first 30 minutes or so, this film is tremendous. Magical. Then Bradley Cooper takes Lady Ga Ga on a day trip to a pecan farm in Arizona (the locale is actually just outside Palm Springs, as anyone who has driven the I-10 between Phoenix and L.A. will instantly recognize, and Palm Springs is in California) and then the film begins to fall apart. Not because of that, but with barely any buildup you have Cooper slugging his brother in the face? The big problem with this film is that they didn’t know which cat to save after Act 1. Was saving the cat getting Ga Ga discovered? Or the two of them falling in love? Yes, and yes. So what next? There was no place interesting left to go, so we’re left with Cooper wetting himself at an awards show. Maybe he can duplicate that moment next month?

The Favourite: I took my mom to see this film based on all the glowing reviews. Bad idea. BAD idea. If you can’t take your mom to a Best Picture winner, does that say more about the movie or your mom? Both, perhaps? Okay, get past the two vivid lesbian love scenes—the latter of which comes moments after Emma Stone strokes off her husband on their wedding night—and all the puking, this film lost me as soon as they turned the 18th century dance scene into a breakdance scene. They were just having a little fun? Great, but if you want me to take a film seriously, don’t break the veneer by doing something that catapults me three centuries forward. Silly. Why not just have Rachel Weisz text Olivia Colman from the adjoining apartment? Coulda been great, but wasn’t.

Roma: This is going to win. It’s beautifully crafted, it’s black-and-white, it tells a moving story without upsetting anyone’s political affiliations. All that said, I’m with ESPN’s Ramona Shelburne here, who tweeted that she got bored after about 10 minutes. So did I. This is film school crack cocaine, and you’d do best in many of the scenes to pay more attention to what’s going on in the background. This should win, of these nominees, and I think it will.

All of that said, Free Solo thrilled me far more than any of these movies. Also, I’d take The Ballad of Buster Scruggs ahead of any of these that I’ve seen, too. Finally, things I watched last year that I enjoyed more: the 2018 College Football Championship Game, Mindhunter, Game 3 of the World Series, Broadchurch, and Season 2 of The Crown.

I’m just one dude with one opinion. Don’t take it for anything more than that.

Music 101

19th Nervous Breakdown

Released on February 12, 1966 in the USA, this early Rolling Stones classic soared to No. 2 on the Billboard chart in one of the two or three best years in the history of pop music. Wanna take a guess at which song prevented it from being No. 1? Answer at the bottom of Remote Patrol.

Remote Patrol

To Have And Have Not

4:30 p.m. TCM

Bogie. Bacall. A whistling lesson. Leave work early.

Answer: “The Ballad of the Green Berets” by Staff Sergeant Barry Sadler.