by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

Man carries his horse on his back for 3 miles after it was bitten by a snake. The horse and the man both survived. pic.twitter.com/VEBfqFEMr4

— Kevin W (@kwilli1046) January 15, 2019

Starting Five

1. Just Passing Through

On the same day that Alabama’s Jalen Hurts announced he was transferring to Oklahoma, Oklahoma at last relented and allowed last year’s backup quarterback, Austin Kendall, to transfer to Big 12 rival West Virginia. Kyler Murray could’ve started at OU next season, but he was headed to play for the Oakland A’s, until he announced that he would put his name in for the NFL draft…although he may still wind up playing for the A’s.

I have declared for the NFL Draft.

— Kyler Murray (@TheKylerMurray) January 14, 2019

(We gave this tweet an A’s-minus)

Brandon Wimbush announced that he is transferring from Notre Dame (he already graduated) to UCF. Yesterday, Ohio State’s Tate Martell selected Miami because earlier this month Justin Fields had announced he was transferring to Ohio State.

Are you a football program or a starter wife?

2. White Men Can’t…………Refrain From Behaving Like Jackasses

Okay, not ALL white men. Mostly middle-aged and older white men. With money.

Today’s roster: Interim Michigan State president John Engler resigned after he was quoted telling the Detroit Free Press that Dr. Larry Nassar’s sexual assault victims were “enjoying the spotlight”….In Washington, D.C., Vice President Mike Pence told  the Global Chiefs of Mission Conference at the State Department,”The caliphate has crumbled, and ISIS has been defeated.” This just a few hours after four U.S. soldiers were killed in a bomb blast in Syria for which ISIS has taken credit…You’re familiar with Steve King…And I’m sure I’ve probably said or done or tweeted something in the past 24 hours to royally piss someone off…

Anyway, it’s not that I’m prejudiced against middle-aged white men, it’s just that they give me so few reasons each day to believe in them. We should be building walls around Home Depots and members-only golf clubs.

I’m beginning to sound like a Gillette commercial, aren’t I?

3. Back Up Against A Wall

One woman, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, tells President Trump that as long as the government shut down exists, the State of the Union (SOTU) cannot take place due to safety concerns.

Another woman, conservative harridan Ann Coulter, appears on a podcast for The Daily Caller (it was taped before Christmas) and says, “(Donald Trump) is dead in the water if he doesn’t build that wall. Dead, dead, dead.”

What a bizarre feeling, to have no cover where you are currently stationed but to face hostility if you attempt to progress. I wonder if any illegal immigrant has ever contended with such a dilemma.

4. Thunder Buddies*

*The judges will also accept “Let’s Stray Together”

I would’ve loved to see Barbaro finish the Preakness and run the Belmont. Would’ve loved to have seen Mary Decker and Zola Budd sprint the final 100 meters at the 1984 Summer Olympics…would’ve loved to see Len Bias team up with Larry Bird and Kevin McHale…to see and Tai and Randy skate in 1980…to see Roberto Clemente‘s 3,001st hit. And I particularly would’ve loved to see Kevin Durant, James Harden and Russell Westbrook spend their entire careers together in Oklahoma City.

Yes, yes, yes. I get that these individuals get to do what’s best for themselves. But what would have been best for the NBA, and maybe even when they get past the age of 50 or 60 they’ll think, perhaps even for themselves, would’ve been if they had stayed together. Russ, the 2017 MVP, leads the league in assists and steals. Durant, the 2018 NBA Finals MVP, is fourth in scoring. And Harden, the reigning MVP, just put up 58 last night, two nights after scoring 57. He’s averaging 42 ppg in January.

These are, by any calculation, three of the six best players in the league. And they all entered with the same franchise within a year or three of one another. What a decade-plus run this would’ve been. Of all the missed moments of greatness listed above, this is the only one that was unable to happen because of, well, greed. The rest were accidents, illnesses or death. This was all about getting paid.

And that’s fine. It’s just that maybe these three missed out on something better than that.

Yes, we are cognizant of the fact that we’ve broached this subject before. We’re sorry if it sounds as if we’re beating a dead horse (no offense, Barbaro), but we’re just not over it. As sports fans, we never will be. And we’re not even OKC fans. It’s just that something this organically perfect should not have been messed with. Serendipitous events like this happen so rarely in sports, particularly for small-market franchises, which depend on serendipity.

5. Great Scott

Wow pic.twitter.com/UPj1K3uqWQ

— Jac Collinsworth (@JacCollinsworth) January 17, 2019

Currently there are a few of what the British would refer to as “television presenters” who truly stand out for me. Ben Mankiewicz at TCM. Brian Williams at MSNBC. Ernie Johnson at TNT. At ESPN, Rece Davis and this man, Scott Van Pelt.

I’ve never met SVP in person. A few years back we spoke on the phone for a story. This was during a period when Mr. Softee trucks were engaging in heated competition with a rival on the streets of Manhattan and it had turned violent. This is exactly the sort of bizarre tale of human misadventure that SVP finds fascinating, so we spoke briefly about that. A few minutes after our convo I passed a Mr. Softee truck, so I texted him a photo with a caption like, “Cover me, I’m gonna try to make it across Amsterdam Ave.”

Scott sent back a witty reply. Once a year or so, I’ll see a Mr. Softee truck and send him a pic, trying to amuse him. Again, he’s never met me and I’m a nobody, but he always promptly returns a funny line. He’s one of the good ones. Maybe the best of them.

Music 101

I Got A New Girl Now

It was the mid-Eighties and Hair Metal was flourishing in long, frosted waves. Canadian band Honeymoon Suite had a mild hit with this trudging rocker in 1984. Three years later Guns ‘n Roses would come along and toss the curling irons out of the dressing rooms, putting all of these bands to eternal shame.

Remote Patrol

Lakers-Thunders

9:30 p.m. TNT

Russell Westbrook has cooled down as a scorer (21.7 ppg), but he still leads the league in both assists and steals. As for the Lakers, LeGone is still not back,