by John Walters

 

Starting Five

Butler Did It!

In famed Nazare, Portugal, 29 year-old Tom Butler of Great Britain rides what may have been the tallest wave anyone has ever surfed. At least with video evidence. Butler rode this monster, which he believes may have measured in at 100-feet tall, last Saturday.

Butler has yet to receive confirmation as to whether he broke the world record. He’ll probably learn of it at the Big Wave Awards in April. Still, how will they fit both Butler and his cojones in the same hall?

2. Strawberry Fields? Forever. Justin Fields? For One Season

The nation’s No. 2 quarterback recruit from a year ago, Justin Fields, is planning to transfer from Georgia, according to our pal Dan Wolken of the USA Today. Fields was last seen not aborting a midfield punt-fake on 4th-and-11 with the score tied at 28 versus Bama, though perhaps it wasn’t the Kirby Smart-est maneuver to even put a true freshman  in that spot?

Fields backed up true sophomore Jake Fromm all season and Fromm will definitely be in Athens at least one more season, if not two.

The No. 1 QB from a year ago, Trevor Lawrence, will start for Clemson in a national semi.

If you’re wondering where the QBs on the final four teams were ranked nationally overall as players coming out of high school, Lawrence was first, Tua Tagovailoa of the Tide was 32nd, Kyler Murray of Oklahoma was 34th and Ian Book of Notre Dame was 514th. ‘Cruitin!

3. Did Dassey Do It?

(SPOILER ALERT: This item concerns Season 2 of Making A Murderer. If you plan on seeing it, skip).

We finished Season 2 of Making A Murderer in a huff of suspense late last night and we feel compelled to ask: How many people besides Steven Avery and Brendan Dassey, who are innocent, were involved in the murder of Teresa Halbach?

Here’s what our gumshoe-ing produces: Manitowoc County had 36 million reasons to pin this murder on Avery. Brendan was collateral damage, as the prosecution needed a witness to bolster its case.

Knowing what we now know, that his older, intimidating and torture-porn obsessed brother Bobby probably did it, we can understand why Brendan was so loathe to share detail during his police interview. Maybe he knew that his big brother had done something to Halbach, and maybe he was afraid of his brother. The special never offers this interpretation, by the way, that perhaps all along Brendan figured he was fingering his brother as opposed to his uncle.

But what about ex-boyfriend Ryan Hillegas? He’s certainly involved in some fashion, because he had access to the day planner in Teresa’s RAV 4 before it was found in the Avery salvage yard. And Avery’s brother-in-law Steven Tadych, not relate to him at the time of the murder, certainly seems to know something. And then there’s good ol’ Sgt. Andy Colborn, who for the second consecutive Avery case, passes on offering exculpatory information on Avery (he’s told by someone that they spotted the RAV4 parked off the highway two days prior to it being discovered in the Avery lot).

Our best guess: Bobby Dassey did it. The cops somehow got involved with Hillegas to frame Avery. Tadych, we’re not sure if he was part of the conspiracy. Again, 36 million reasons for the County to want to see Avery in jail and never leave. He’s now 56 years old and has spent more than 30 years of his life in jail for not one but two crimes he never committed.

And yes, that coroner interview near the end of the final episode is chilling. Proof of the conspiracy that Ken Kratz was also in on, and perhaps even the judge in the trial.

Two more things: Most of the 10-part Season 2 is overly drawn out and highly forensic. Coulda been about three episodes shorter, but it really begins cooking midway through Episode 8. Two, as much as we liked and rooted for the Northwestern law professor, she got her ass handed to her in the en banc hearing. Painful to listen to.

4. Traitor

As we type this, former National Security Adviser and four-star general Michael Flynn is being sentenced for his role in working with the Russians post-election of Donald Trump. Judge Emmet Sullivan admonished him, “You should your country out” and then asked prosecutors if they felt Flynn’s actions rose “to the level of treasonous activity.” They declined to affirm or refuse.

The sentencing is coming this afternoon. Hanging used to be the punishment for treason. We haven’t had a good hanging in awhile.

5. Lunar Letter To Steph

Note: An old and good friend of ours, a high school buddy who started on a very talented varsity hoops squad and then graduated from Stanford and became a lawyer, has long held that the moon landing was a fraud. His primary argument, as we understand it, is that the reentry vehicle was traveling at far too great a velocity to reenter the earth’s atmosphere without burning up and that if it attempted to do so at a less direct angle, it would bounce right back out of the atmosphere (Do we have that correct, Mike?) He’s written an open letter to Stephen Curry:

Dear Steph Curry,

I understand you have doubts (or “jokes”) about the Apollo Lunar Landings. I am just writing to tell you that you need to be a little more discreet and circumspect when expressing the obvious. You see, when you state your true humorous feelings (i.e. that the official Lunar Landing story might be fantastical and ridiculous) you will receive immediate backlash from people who will call you crazy.

Even your good friends will start to question your sanity. They will talk to you about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, whether the Earth might be flat, and UFO’s. So, in the future when you question the Lunar Landings, please express your doubts in the form of a question. Asking a question is a much better way of expressing your justified disbelief.

Thus, instead of saying that the Lunar Landings were faked, ask a question like this: How could it be possible for the Apollo 11 Command Module to utilize the re-entry corridor when the Command Module was traveling at escape velocity after the Trans Earth Injection? Seriously, there are professors in astrophysics who will not know the answer to that question above, because some astrophysicists simply never bothered to discover that the so-called re-entry corridor was nothing more than an elliptical orbit with the perigee inside the Earth’s atmosphere. The problem is that the Command Module cannot be in orbit around the Earth while traveling at escape velocity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dmJdixbHCk

When you ask questions like this, you make the scientists think, and you make the morons shut their mouths. So, it is a win-win. Even though your ultimate conclusion might be incorrect, you would still be advancing science by asking a relevant and important question.

Also, do not be fooled by NASA offering you the opportunity to see the Moon rocks up close. The Moon rocks are almost identical to Earth rocks. Most theories about the formation of the Moon posit that either the Moon broke off from the Earth, or else the Moon and Earth were both formed out of the same cataclysmic collision.

And, do not be fooled by the uproar from certain people who are suggesting that asking questions about the Lunar Landings will hurt science. That is hogwash, because the scientific method is all about asking questions and discovering the truth. You cannot hurt science by asking questions. Indeed, you should never trust anyone who tells you to stop trying to learn.

Here are some more questions that you should ask NASA: What was the terminal velocity of the Apollo 11 Command Module at an altitude of one hundred thousand feet above the Earth? How were you able to measure Apollo 11’s angle of Earth entry with such precision? How were you able to measure Apollo 11’s velocity at Earth entry with such precision? What were the margins of error for your angle and velocity and altitude measurements for Apollo 11’s Earth entry?

Anyway, Steph, I wish you luck.

Yours Truly, Michael Thomas DePaoli

Note: Our friend, despite having been a liberal arts major, developed two engineering inventions that have been patented. He’s no dummy. And this writer is not edjumicated enough to tell him why he’s wrong, or right. So if you or anyone you know dabbles in astrophysics and is able to clear this up, it would save we, his friends, a lot of hours of discussing the film Capricorn One and what-not in the future. Thanks.

Music 101

Walkin’ On Water

When we were growing up in Arizona, an annual New Year’s Eve tradition was the Jerry Riopelle concert at the Celebrity Theater. We never went but you can still see Riopelle, who must be in his 70s, play in Scottsdale on the 28th and 29th later this month. Riopelle patented something called the Beamz music system, which involves lasers and we don’t understand it, but he owns homes in Hawaii and Scottsdale, so he’s doing okay.

Remote Patrol

Springsteen on Broadway

Netflix

We could write 5,000 words about how intimately we connect with the Boss and this show, how we both hail from Monmouth County/the Jersey Shore, how we both had tough but caring fathers (“He was my hero, and my greatest foe”), how we both have moms who “would talk to a broom handle” and were legal secretaries and could light up any room, how one of us is internationally acclaimed and the other just wrote “Thunder Road.” How we were able to see this show (thanks, Paula!) and found ourselves seated next to Ed Sheeran (seriously).

Be forewarned: This is not a concert film. This is closer to VH1: Storytellers on steroids. Bruce will play many of his hits, but almost none in the way in which you are used to listening to them. The humor, the pathos, the history of the man is what should compel you to view this.

Anyone, as incredible a performer as Springsteen is, he’s a better person. And writer. Let the broken hearts stand as the price you gotta pay…