by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

Traffic sham: Police pumped the brakes on four people who tried to cross an iconic bridge in Russia dressed as a cardboard bus. https://t.co/MQfkQa0eVv pic.twitter.com/djzUfQWrlR

— ABC News (@ABC) November 15, 2018

 Starting Five

1. Stormy Weather

Attorney Michael Avenatti, the man who never met a cable news appearance he didn’t like, was arrested yesterday on a felony suspicion of domestic violence charge. The man who crusades for the likes of Stormy Daniels and other wronged women is now going to be receiving a plethora of black kettles for Christmas.

We’re reminded of two vignettes: One, Chris Rock’s joke about how Nelson Mandela survived 18 years of being imprisoned on Robben Island but then sought a divorce from Winnie just a few years after being released. Second, there’s a scene in the film Lincoln, after watching a movie in which the president has demonstrated profound patience in dealing with political rivals as he seeks to get the 13th Amendment passed, in which Honest Abe nearly loses his sh*t with Mary Todd because, let’s face it, she was looney tunes.

We’re not equating Avenatti with Mandela or Lincoln. Don’t misunderstand. It’s just that behind a lot of crusaders there’s a home situation that is not handled as easily.

2. I Wanna Ride A Cowboy

That’s former Dallas Cowboy linebacker Jeff Rohrer (1982-87) and his partner, Joshua Ross. The couple, based in West Hollywood, are getting married this weekend. Will this upset the NFL establishment? There’s a “take a knee” joke that we have too much class to explore.

This, from The New York Times story, is the kind of sentence that a writer presents to his editor with anxious excitement, waiting for the moment the editor gets to that part of the story (and hoping he doesn’t kill it):

“The man who once spent four quarters chasing quarterback Vince Ferragamo on a Sunday, will look like a million bucks on his wedding day thanks to Salvatore Ferragamo…”

3. Family Feud

Remember the Pike County murders of June, 2016, when eight members of a rural Ohio family were all murdered in one place at one time, most of them in their sleep? And remember when it was learned that this family, the Rhoden family, were pot farmers and everyone assumed it was a drug hit and MS-13!!!

Turns out it was another family whose main connection was that their son, Jake, had a child with one of the daughters but did not have custody. Yes, appears it was all a custody issue. Wow, a lot of people are paying for a little youthful indiscretion between a pair of teenagers.

4. LeBron Passes Wilt….Sort Of

In a LeLakers win over Portland last night, LeBron James had his best game of the season thus far: 44 points, 10 boards, 9 assists. Great game. He also passed Wilt Chamberlain in the all-time points department, 31,425 to 31,419.

Curious thing: Of the NBA’s five most prolific career scorers, in terms of total points, all but one (MJ) wore a Laker uniform for at least a game. Something else that’s weird? You have to go all the way down to 18th on the list to find anyone who ever wore a Celtic uniform (Paul Pierce) for at least a season, and yet Boston has the most NBA championships (the Lakers, second-most).

Finally, for perspective, the Big Dipper (Chamberlain) still is one of only two players, the other being MJ, who retired with a career scoring average of more than 30 points per game. LeBron averages just over 27 and is in fourth place all-time on that list, although Kevin Durant is at No. 5 and has averaged just 4/100ths of a point less than LeBron over a 10-year career. Our bet is that Durant will end up ahead on that ppg blotter.

5. Cy of Relief (But He’s Not A Relief Pitcher)

What the baseball writers got wrong two days earlier—failing to name Miguel Andujar, with his 47 doubles and 27 home runs, AL Rookie of the Year—they got right yesterday: naming Jacob deGrom NL Cy Young Award winner.

deGrom may be the worst pitcher in baseball when it comes to autocorrect (it always goes to “legroom”; he’s like Dalvin Cook used to be) but we don’t care about his paltry Won-Loss record (10-9). The native Floridian had baseball’s lowest ERA (1.70) AND its lowest WHIP (.91) and as far a we’re concerned those are by far the two most important metrics by which to measure a pitcher.

“All the people voting for the Cy Young should be dismissed!” – Michael Wilbon in mid-September on if Jacob deGrom should win… pic.twitter.com/l5XYmF4R6m

— Ben Heisler (@bennyheis) November 15, 2018

Nope. Nope. Nope, Michael. And by the way, deGrom’s victory is the latest but not the last example of everyone beginning to realize that the era of the STARTING pitcher is, if not over, about to be far less emphasized by clubs. Won-Loss records have made the STARTING pitcher a thing far longer than common sense would ask.

Music 101

Lithium

Band? Cult? Linen Department? Merry Prankster Wannabes? The Texas-based Polyphonic  Spree were all of that and more and they blazed a brief and memorable trail across the songosphere in the early years of this century. I’ll always remember that one evening we all shared in Irving Plaza. One of the best shows I’ve ever seen.

Here’s Tim DeLaughter and the kids covering Nirvana‘s Lithium. This is an example of one band discovering another band’s song that actually fits the band that did not write it better.

Remote Patrol

Lost In Translation

TMC (not TCM!) 8 p.m.

For relaxing time, make it a Santori time…