by John Walters

Starting Five

1. Florence, Night & Gale-Force Winds

In my mind, I’m not going to Carolina.

The overnight, I’m sorry to tell you, Danny Kanell, did nothing to assuage the fears of Carolinians about this weekend’s approaching storm that will hit the Carolinas’ coast: 3-4 feet of rain, a storm surge of at least 10 feet, winds that are currently 80-100 mph (those will drop when Flo makes landfall).

The hurricane has also motivated two of the top three schools in the nation. Clemson and Georgia, to move up their Saturday kickoffs to noon. The storm is projected to make landfall around Friday afternoon, so we’re kind of wondering what the atmosphere at Clemson will be by noon Saturday. That Howard’s Rock hill may be a mudslide. Also, the Tigers host Georgia Southern. Where exactly are they supposed to go after the game?

Meanwhile, speaking of hurricanes, the president is now promoting deatherism…

3000 people did not die in the two hurricanes that hit Puerto Rico. When I left the Island, AFTER the storm had hit, they had anywhere from 6 to 18 deaths. As time went by it did not go up by much. Then, a long time later, they started to report really large numbers, like 3000…

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 13, 2018

By the way, if you’re wondering why hurricanes seem to strike the Atlantic coast, but not the Pacific, it’s actually not the fault of liberals. The two main reasons are 1) hurricanes that form in the northern hemisphere travel in a northwesterly direction and 2) the water temperature in the south Atlantic or Caribbean are at least 10 degrees warmer than those in the Pacific.

2. Come Together?*

*The judges will also accept “We Can Work It Out” but not “I Wanna Hold Your Hand”

In an interview with GQ, Paul McCartney revealed that before they were famous, he and John Lennon and a couple other non-Beatles lads had a group onanism session at John’s House…until John killed the mood by yelling, “Winston Churchill!” This New York Post story gets most of the jokes in.

3. Spring Football Blues

Our old friend and colleague, Jeff Pearlman, has penned his passion project: a tome about the rise and demise of the United States Football League in the 1980s. We promise to purchase it as soon as we’re finished with the book we are reading (no, that book is not Fear by Robert Woodward).

For those of you who do not recall, the USFL lasted just three seasons and our current president, who owned the New Jersey Generals, played a large role in its demise. If you follow Jeff on Twitter, you already know that. I grew up in a then-USFL city—Phoenix—and just recall not having much of an appetite to watch football in the vernal days. But make no mistake: the USFL had plenty of talented players, among them Steve Young and Herschel Walker.

If I were to interview Jeff about the book, I’d ask him two things: 1) about Terry Pluto’s sports book classic, Loose Balls, which chronicled the life of the American Basketball Association (still one of the funniest books I’ve ever read, in or out of sports) and 2) about the inaugural ESPN 30-for-30 doc, “Small Potatoes: Who Killed The USFL” and if that was a catalyst that prompted him to write this book.

4. Stay Off The Interstates

The MH staff has a few favorite roads—the Merritt Parkway in Connecticut, the Natchez-Trace in Mississippi, Sunset Boulevard (the entire length of it) in southern California—and we are always in search of more. If you read the comments yesterday, you know we prefer road travel to air travel.

So here’s Outside magazine with a list of five great scenic by-ways in the USA that help you avoid traveling the interstates. We agree, if you’re in a rush, take the I-number roads. If not, take these.

—Apache Trail, Arizona, 42.5 miles: Done this one.

—San Juan Skyway, Colorado, 229 miles: Yup.

—West Elk Loop, Colorado, 202 miles: Nope.

—Kyle Canyon Road, Nevada, 22 miles: Not yet.

—Quebradas Back Country Byway, New Mexico, 24 miles: Perhaps.

Nothing in New Jersey made the list, but we’ll vouch for some Jersey backroads. It’s a prettier state than you might think, particularly in the northwest.

5. Cannabis Creams The Market

A good friend of Walker Capital, who will go by the nom de argent of Seaner, was bragging informing us about a company with the ticker symbol ISOLF. That’s Isodiol International Corporation, the “world leader in CBD-oil products,” which is another way of saying cannabis-based analgesics and creams.

We don’t know if the Watford, England-based company is a legit business, but we do know that the stock has been on a tear this week. Check it out:

As late as Tuesday afternoon, you could have purchased ISOLF for $2.10 per share. Currently the price is $4.05 a share. That’s more than 95% in less than two days. The stewards of MH Capital took a 100-share flyer on the stock this morning. We’ll see where it goes.

Notice: This puppy peaked at $16.90 last November. It it ever recovers back to that point…

And, it’s moving at a volume of fewer than 200,00 shares per day. You could influence this entire market with less than $1,000,000. So if some hedge funder gets involved, look out.

Music 101

Rock You Like A Hurricane

This song received a ton of airplay in Phoenix on KDKB (93.3) and KUPD (97.9) in the early Eighties. We were never fans. Ladies and gentlemen, from Hanover, Germany, the Scorpions.

Remote Patrol

Boston College at Wake Forest

5:30 p.m. ESPN

Or, as @KevinOnCFB writes, “Must See BC.” MH’s own Red Grange Award favorite, A.J. “The Sauce” Dillon, gets a national stage in part thanks to Hurricane Florence. That’s why the game was moved up. In his last game, versus Holy Cross, Dillon had 149 yards on just five carries. This is B.C.’s first game versus a non-Massachusetts foe this season. WFU is also Notre Dame’s next opponent.