by John Walters
Tweet du Jour
Dramatic eyewitness video shows the horrifying moment a high-rise building collapses during a massive fire in Sao Paulo, Brazil.
At least one person was killed in the blaze. https://t.co/vTwxn1QsLS pic.twitter.com/tRptSwJmTO
— ABC News (@ABC) May 1, 2018
Starting Five
1. Summer Of 49 (Questions)
Last night The Not-Failing New York Times published a list of approximately four dozen questions that special prosecutor Robert Mueller wants to ask the president. Those questions, which Mueller had sent to Trump’s lawyers weeks if not months earlier, were most likely leaked to The Times by one of Trump’s former lawyers who begged off the case or…by that new lawyer who last week was added to the case. An old friend of Donald’s by the name of Rudy Giuliani.
The questions can be broken into four categories (Flynn, Sessions, Comey, Russia), though sadly not concerns, “Hey, what was going on with the back of your scalp when you boarded Air Force One on that particularly windy afternoon this past winter?”
So disgraceful that the questions concerning the Russian Witch Hunt were “leaked” to the media. No questions on Collusion. Oh, I see…you have a made up, phony crime, Collusion, that never existed, and an investigation begun with illegally leaked classified information. Nice!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 1, 2018
Four people have already pleaded guilty just to LYING to the special prosecutor in regards to this particular investigation. Which makes us wonder if there will be a FIFTH and makes us think that after all of Mueller’s questions, if Donald Trump will have just one: “Am I allowed to pardon myself?”
(No, Donald).
2. Netanyahu Serious?
Last night in Israel, the nation’s prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, went on national TV and showed off his CD collection. Sadly, most of them were burner mixes and an inordinately high number of those had tracks from Dashboard Confessional and Bjork. What can we say?
Apparently, most of the “Iran Lied” facts date back to 2009, which is why last night the White House released a statement that read “Iran HAS a robust, clandestine nuclear weapons program” and then hours later corrected the tense on that provocative statement to “Iran HAD a robust, clandestine nuclear weapons program.”
“There is no question that we have evidence and information that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction, biological and chemical particularly. … And all this will be made clear in the course of the operation”
– Ari Fleischer, press secretary to George W. Bush, 21st March 2003 https://t.co/3Ivc7ohxOz— Mehdi Hasan (@mehdirhasan) April 30, 2018
The White House cited a “clerical error.” Makes you wonder whether the entire Iraq War (or both of them) started because some White House flunkie typed a “q” when he meant to type an “n.”
Also, we cannot wait for the White House to announce that the above, too, is a “clerical error.” It was full disclosure from Donald about his presidential campaign and should read, “I ran, lied.”
3. “O Romeo, Romeo!”
Romeo and the cap-you-let him wear
Yesterday thousands of people arrived at a high school gym in New Albany, Indiana, to hear a 6’5″ shooting guard by the name of Romeo Langford announce wherefore art thou he was matriculating this summer. Jim Gray was not spotted.
Tell us that isn’t one of his teammates, please.
Langford, who wisely choose Indiana or else good luck getting out of that gym alive, is considered a Top 5 prospect and the nation’s top shooting guard. He was named Indiana’s Mr. Basketball after averaging 35 points per game this season. His chaplain compared him to “Abe Lincoln,” which let’s face it, is better than being compared to Damon Bailey.
Look, we DID find Jim Gray…
Tom Brady was asked today at the Milken Institute Global Conference if he feels appreciated by the Patriots. His response: “I plead the 5th…” pic.twitter.com/8Tl6k5emj9
— Tom E. Curran (@tomecurran) May 1, 2018
4. Where In The World: Door To Hell
This is the Darvaza Gas Crater in Turkmenistan’s Karakum Desert, known by locals as “the door to hell.” It’s approximately 60 meters by 20 meters and if you happen to kick your soccer ball into it, well, it’s gone.
So what’s the story here? It was a natural gas field that collapsed into an underground and geologists set it on fire in order to stop the spread of methane gas. It has been burning continuously since 1971. From here on out, we may just refer to the New York Knicks as the Darvaza Gas Crater.
5. 196.1 Vs. 2,066
Some day in the not-too-distant future, perhaps even later this year, a publicly traded company will be the first to be valued at (pinkie to side of mouth) “one TRILLION dollars!”
Now who will that be? Odds are that it’ll be either Apple, whose current value is $838 billion, or Amazon, which is currently valued at $758 billion. So how will we know? Unless one of these companies does a stock split in the next year—Amazon could but we doubt it will—look for the moment when Apple’s stock price, currently, $166, hits $196.10. As for Amazon, currently at $1,566, look for when its stock price hits $2,066.
The race is on. Momentum says Amazon, but Apple has been confounding doubters for years now. We’re going with the Jobs creator.
Music 101
I Think We’re Alone Now
An easy recipe for pop song success: pore over Billboard chart lists that are two decades old and re-record a classic. Tommy James and the Shondells were victimized this way twice in the Eighties, first by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts (“Crimson and Clover”) and then in 1987 by Tiffany, the Madonna of the malls. James and the Shondells wrote this song and took it to No. 4 in 1967; twenty years later Tiffany took it to No. 1. Both versions are fantastic.
If you wanna feel old, imagine someone re-recording Fastball’s “The Way” right now. Same time gap.
Remote Patrol
The Cowboys
8 p.m. Sundance
John Wayne in one of his elder statesmen cowboy roles and a band of barely adolescent lads lead a cattle drive. Bruce Dern plays the bad hombre. Solid, from 1972.