by John Walters

Tweet du Jour

pic.twitter.com/M7dOeacvUp

— Logan Trent (@TheLoganTrent) April 16, 2018

Starting Five

It Poured. She Reigned*

*The judges will half-heartedly accept “American Woman”

In a driving rain storm, Chula Vista, Calif., native and Arizona State alumna Des Linden becomes the first American woman to win the Boston Marathon in 33 years while running the slowest winning time (above) in 40 years. The larger story may be that seven of the top ten female finishers were American and six of the top ten male finishers were also American.

And none of those six American men were Galen Rupp, who dropped out.

Only one African female one African male finished in the top ten (the winning male was Yuki Kawauchi of Japan, who won his first marathon). Was American fleetness of foot and African languor simply a matter of wet, wind and chills? Or is there something else happening? Consider that with Shalane Flanagan’s NYC Marathon victory last November (she finished 7th yesterday), that this is the first year since 1977-78 that American women were the reigning champs of both the NYC and Boston marathons. We don’t think Africans , women and men, suddenly forgot how to run far fast.

2. The Cohen Brothers 

So let’s assess the three full clients of Michael Cohen, alumnus of Goombah State University Law School: 1) Donald Trump, a man for whom Cohen says he spent $130,000 of his own cash to pay off a porn star not to speak about a sexual encounter that his own client says never occurred (rrrrrriiiiiiight), 2) Elliott Broidy, a Holmby Hills/Bel Air Republican fat cat who lived within a mile or so of the Playboy Mansion and probably accidentally impregnated a Playmate and paid her off to the tune of $1.6 million. At least he copped to it.

So, sex, sex, and behind Door No. 3? SEAN HANNITY! Now, Hannity’s reason to be Cohen’s client may not be shenanigans-related (he has been married 25 years), but one asks oneself, Since Sean Hannity earns $36 million a year, can he not do better for a lawyer than Michael Cohen?

Well, of course he can, if it’s legal advice he needs. Nope, the reason Michael Cohen’s attorney named Hannity as a client is likely because he knows there is a tape or document of a conversation or some deal between Hannity and Cohen to which he does not wish the Feds have access. He’s hoping to use attorney-client privilege to shield himself and Hannity from any conversations or deals between Hannity and Trump for which Cohen has been a conduit.

By week’s end Fox News is going to have to decide whether it is in the honest news-gathering-and-disseminating business or in the Sean Hannity-and-propaganda business. Most of us already know the answer, but this is Rupert Murdoch’s last chance to retain plausible deniability. If Fox News retains its star anchor, who kept reporting on Cohen for weeks and assailing any attacks on Cohen while failing to disclose he was Cohen’s client, then they’ve forfeited any right to refer to themselves as an honest news organization.

Lastly, Stormy lawyer Michael Avenatti, who logs more minutes on MSNBC now than Joe and Mika, made a strong point last night: when push comes to shove, Michael Cohen is going to remember that after all he did to help get Trump elected (a trip to Prague, perhaps?), Trump did not bring him along to Washington, D.C., to be part of the team. He wasn’t respectable enough, in Trump’s eyes, to be any part of his Worst Wing team. And so Cohen’s wife and close friends are going to implore him to flip using the logic, rightly, that Trump was not loyal to you when it mattered; so why would you throw away the rest of your life for him.

3. Blame It On Carlos Danger!

We don’t know where the Age of Trump ends. Impeachment? A defeat in 2020? Jail? War?    But let’s assume it gets really, really bad, or really, really dark or even nuclear…let’s never forget where it began: with Anthony Wiener sending naughty selfies to teenage girls!

That’s right (far right!), America! Like something out of a comically dystopian novel, the greatest democracy the world has ever known has become endangered thanks to Carlos Danger. As this week’s James Comey apology tour reminds us, Donald Trump was behind 12 points in the polls to Hillary Clinton before Comey made his October 28 announcement. And the reasoning behind that announcement was a slew of newly found Anthony Wiener emails related to Hillary, emails that would never have been uncovered if the FBI had not been investigating Wiener’s gross predilection for going online and trying to hook up with minors by sending shirtless selfies to them.

Life’s funny, eh?

4. DiDi Did It Again!

In a 12-1 rout of the Miami Marlins, New York Yankee shortstop Didi Gregorius goes yard twice in one game for the second time already this season (both times were in Yankee Stadium against teams from Florida, by the way). The Bombers’ lineup includes last year’s home run leaders in both the American League (Aaron Judge) and National League (Giancarlo Stanton), so of course Gregorius leads them in home runs with five.

Didi, who inherited the shortstop spot from FAVORITE YANKEE Derek Jeter, is second in the American League in both home runs and RBI (15). It’s waaaaaaaay early, but keep this in mind: Derek Jeter never won an MVP award. Wouldn’t it be wild if Didi did?

5. “Dad, Why Do We Have To Pay That Cable Bill?”*

*CNBC’s Jim Cramer, assessing how millennials treat cable versus streaming

Netflix stock continues to soar. Yesterday the streaming service announced its quarterly earnings after the bell, and we stopped binge-watching Broadchurch just long enough to turn on CNBC and learn that they’d added 2 million new domestic subscribers just this year.

Competitors (Amazon, Hulu, Disney) will come along in this space, but Netflix was first to market, Netflix is more aggressive in finding new programming and serving its customers’ needs, and Netflix has been confounding the naysayers for nearly a decade now since it went public. Its stock will be up roughly 7% at the opening bell in a few minutes.

2000: Blockbuster could have bought Netflix for $50M

2018: @Netflix market cap $143 Billion pic.twitter.com/2F6Voj3it9

— Vala Afshar (@ValaAfshar) April 17, 2018

Five years ago today, Netflix stock was $30. Today it is going to open at $330 or so, an ELEVEN TIMES gain.

The last remaining question, for many of us, is when will Netflix begin streaming live sporting events and perhaps a BBC-style live news network? As soon as that happens, cable is dead. It’s going to die, anyway. It was a nice run, cable. But what streaming offers us is the chance to watch a show when WE decide, not you, and also the chance to overindulge on those shows. Cable cannot compete with that.

Music 101

Gimme Some Water

This tune off Eddie Money‘s second album, Life For The Taking, never charted, but we always liked it. Eddie Money and Billy Joel, two Long Island boys, were both pretty big deals in the late Seventies.

Remote Patrol

Bucks at Celtics, Game 2

8 p.m. TNT

You have to love how Brad Stevens is pulling a MacGyver with the Celtics roster (no Kyrie, no Hayward) and Boston still pulled out Game 1. Giannis (must we really spell out his last name? Do you know any other dudes named Giannis?) is a super stud, even if the refs let him travel all night long and on Sunday got away with seven fouls.