by John Walters

 Note: Put in your team for our knockout pool in the comments section!!!!

Tweet du Jour

 

I protested peacefully this morning and got suspended. A man threatened a kid with a knife at a PTA meeting and got gently escorted from the school. Show me the logic. pic.twitter.com/dCzcn5DARG

— jo (@jo_herman16) March 14, 2018

Why do all the pro-gun nuts remind us of Biff from Back To The Future?

Starting Five

March Sanity

And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re going through

–David Bowie (who once organized a student movement as a teen to support those with long hair)

On the one-month anniversary of Parkland, students nationwide walked out of their high schools yesterday to protest inaction on gun violence in government. “We have grown up watching more tragedies occur and continuously asking: Why?” said Kaylee Tyner, a 16-year-old junior at Columbine High School outside Denver, where 13 people were killed in 1999, inaugurating, in the public consciousness, the era of school shootings. “Why does this keep happening?”

Last night MH tuned in to Fox News just long enough to hear Cucker Tarlson denounce the students, of course, reminding them that they are not yet old enough to vote (some are) so that, in Cucker’s view, they have no right to be political. Or apparently to exercise their First Amendment rights. This is how lame the arguments have gotten in defense of the NRA.

The good news is that no one shot any of the students who staged or participated in the walkout. Meanwhile in Seaside, California…

2. A Good Guy With A Gun!

While giving a SAFETY demonstration to a class at Seaside High School, teacher and reserve police officer Dennis Alexander told the class he was just going to check to confirm that his gun wasn’t loaded and, guess what? It was.

Alexander was pointing the gun at the ceiling, and fortunately there was only one minor injury: a student had a bullet fragment lodged into his neck when it fell as a debris. Now, multiply the number of “safety demonstrations” by 500 or 5,000 and, as MH predicted a month ago, you’ll have far more “accidents” leading to fatalities.

Guns in schools is insanity.

3. Upstate New York 2, Pac-12 0

After two days in Dayton, UCLA and Arizona State are out of the NCAAs while St. Bonaventure and Syracuse, respectively, advance. The Pac-12 has one remaining team in the tourney (Arizona), even though ESPN pronounced its coach’s career as finito a few weeks back.

The good news is that the Pac-12 is 5-0 in the NIT right now.

The only thing worse than the Pac-12’s performance in Dayton is the committee’s decision to make the Wildcats a No. 4 seed. They’re going to likely play Kentucky and then Virginia just to get out of their region. U of A-UVA is a de facto Final Four contest, if not a national championship-caliber game.

4. Hello, Larry

Trump taps CNBC analysts and guy-who-talks-as-if-he-has-a-separate-room-just-for-his-monogrammed-cufflinks Larry Kudlow to replace Gary Cohn as his chief economic advisor. Kudlow, 70, has been married three times and is a recovering cocaine addict, so maybe CNBC is not sending us their best people (we’d do better with Downtown Josh Brown).

Like Cohn, Kudlow is for free trade, tax cuts and a strong dollar, and is Jewish. So you can see why Trump was so eager to pivot from Cohn to Kudlow.

If you’re keeping score at home, Kudlow is a TV personality who had a cocaine problem, as opposed to former ESPN skipper John Skipper, who revealed that cocaine abuse and an extortion plot led to his sudden retirement a few months back.

5. Crowded Isle

The BBC headline blared “World’s Most Densely Populated Isle” and we thought, Manhattan? Hong Kong? Nope. Its Santa Cruz Del Islote, off the northern coast of Colombia. Here, more than 500 people live in 115 houses (have they considered high-rises?) on a spit of land no larger than a soccer field. We would definitely take up snorkeling if we lived here, just for the privacy.

Reserves

Donald Trump, Jr., reportedly headed for divorce. Like father, like son… Fox News host Jesse Watters went to HR and told them he was having an affair with a 25 year-old associate producer on his show: he was not punished, while she was transferred to Laura Ingraham’s show. Does she have any idea the pay day $$$$$ she’d be in for if she raised just the slightest stink? Roger Ailes? Bill O’Reilly? Hello!

Music 101

Payphone

Post-millennial stars Maroon 5 know the drill: good-looking, talented lead singer (Adam Levine) and catchy songs with great hooks. This single, which sounds as if it was stolen from Train’s notebook, was released in April of 2012 and shot up to No. 2 on the Billboard charts.

Remote Patrol