Faithful reader and correspondent Moose has a few thoughts on an American gold medalist….
by Moose
When you guys have finished celebrating Shaun White maybe we can talk about why he was even allowed to compete at the 2018 Winter Olympics.
While White was celebrating, TIME released a story on allegations and his settlement with a women who accused him of sexual harassment.
“Lena Zawaideh, who was formerly a drummer in White’s rock band Bad Things, accused him of sexual harassment in a lawsuit filed in August 2016, alleging that White ‘repeatedly sexually harassed her and forced his authoritarian management style on her for over seven years.”
Slate gave some more details – “White sent sexually explicit and graphic images to Zawaideh of engorged and erect penises, forced her to watch sexually disturbing videos, including videos sexualizing human fecal matter, and made vulgar sexual remarks to her such as, ‘Don’t forget to suck his balls!’
Meanwhile, White was talking to the press and, again, according to TIME, “Shortly after his victorious run, White told reporters who asked about the allegations that he was there to “talk about the Olympics not, you know, gossip.”
Gossip?! Kind of like Locker Room Talk?
In May 2017, according to USA Today, “White, the snowboarder and skateboarder, vigorously contested the suit and in February tried to compel Zawaideh to undergo a mental health examination after she claimed she suffered emotional and mental distress because of what happened. He later withdrew that request, and last week an attorney for Zawaideh filed a notice of unconditional settlement in the case and requested the case be dismissed.”
White withdrew his attempts to compel a mental health evaluation of Zawaideh and granted a financial settlement to Zawaideh after her lawyer produced screen shots of his text messages. He knew what he had done and he knew the accuser had proof.
But there he was in front of the media saying don’t look at Misogynist Shaun, look at Gold Medal Shaun!! And then calling the sexual assault allegations, which he took seriously enough to settle, “gossip”.
It didn’t go unnoticed so Wednesday, on NBC’s Today Show there was Gold Medal Shaun apologizing for Misogynist Shaun. “I’m truly sorry that I chose the word ‘gossip,’” White said. “It was a poor choice of words to describe such a sensitive subject in the world today and I’m just truly sorry.”
He’s sorry about his choice of words, but he has never apologized for his actions towards Zawaideh. And “sensitive subject”? Really? That sounds suspiciously like White is saying people who were upset might be a bit too “sensitive.” Why wasn’t it a sensitive subject when White was sending a text that read, ‘Don’t forget to suck his balls!’
So again, why was he at the Olympics? Was it because he settled in the face of irrefutable proof and inevitable humiliation and never had to complete the court process? Or is it because the US Olympic committee chose to look the other way in the hopes of another US Olympic Fairy Tale?
This is the Athletes’ Olympic Oath “In the name of all the competitors, I promise that we shall take part in these Olympic Games, respecting and abiding by the rules which govern them, committing ourselves to a sport without doping and without drugs, in the true spirit of sportsmanship, for the glory of sport and the honor of our teams.”
This is from the IOC Code of Ethics: “1.4 Respect for international conventions on protecting human rights insofar as they apply to the Olympic Games’ activities and which ensure in particular:
– respect for human dignity;
– rejection of discrimination of any kind on whatever grounds, be it race,
colour, sex, sexual orientation, language, religion, political or other
opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status;
– rejection of all forms of harassment and abuse, be it physical, professional
or sexual, and any physical or mental injuries;”
What in White’s behaviour is in the “true spirit of sportsmanship” or for the “honor of our teams”? Which of White’s actions are a “rejection of all forms of harassment and abuse”? So I’m asking again. Why was Shaun White allowed on the US Olympic team?
And I know what you are asking. “Why did she stay for 8 years? Why didn’t she just quit” Why didn’t she report him? Why did she accept a settlement?” I cannot tell you how tired I am of answering this question or having non-sensical debates with men on this subject. The short answer is why should any woman have to quit their job, sacrificing opportunity, income, benefits, to pay the price for the crimes and egregious behavior of a misogynist boss or fellow employee? However, I know this question remains and men just don’t get it.
I can’t explain it anymore so I leave it to Beverly Engel L.M.F.T. By the way, Beverly has been a psychotherapist for over 30 years and is the author of 20 books, including The Emotionally Abusive Relationship and The Right to Innocence. She wrote an article in Psychology Today listing the 8 reasons on “Why Don’t Victims of Sexual Harassment Come Forward Sooner?”
Just a few tidbits –
Shame – “When that personal power is challenged by a victimization of any kind, we feel humiliated. We believe we should have been able to defend ourselves. And because we weren’t able to do so, we feel helpless and powerless. This powerlessness causes humiliation — which leads to shame.”
Denial, Minimization – “Many women refuse to believe that the treatment they endured was actually abusive. They downplay how much they have been harmed by sexual harassment and even sexual assault. They convince themselves that “it wasn’t a big deal.”
Fear of the Consequences – “Fear of losing their job, fear they won’t find another job, fear they will be passed over for a promotion, fear of losing their credibility, fear of being branded a troublemaker, fear of being blackballed in their industry, fear of their physical safety, fear of retaliation.”
Low Self Esteem – “In the last several years there has been a focus on raising the self-esteem of girls and young women. We want our young women to feel proud and strong, to walk with their heads held high. We try to instill confidence in them and tell them they can do whatever they set their minds to do. We send them off to college with the feeling that they are safe, that they can protect themselves, and that we will protect them. But this is a lie. They are not safe, they don’t know how to protect themselves, and we don’t protect them.” “By far the most damaging thing to affect the self-esteem of young girls and women is the way they are mistreated in our culture. Beginning in early childhood, the average girl experiences unwanted sexual remarks and sexual behavior from boys and men. Even the most confident girl cannot sustain her sense of confidence if she is sexually violated. She feels so much shame that it is difficult to hold her head up high. She finds it difficult to have the motivation to continue on her path, whether it be college or a career.”
If that’s not enough for you, go read Beverly’s article.
Full disclosure – I was sexually harassed in a job for 10 years. I don’t know many women who haven’t been sexually harassed. I have only had one job in which I haven’t been sexually harassed. Beverly knows why I didn’t leave or report any of the harassers.
Millions are celebrating Gold Medal Shaun, pretending Misogynist Shaun was just some bad rumour or “fake news”. What kind of message does that send to people, most especially young men and women? Yup, Time’s Up, but is time up on tolerating and ignoring sexually harassment or is time up on harassers and abusers having to pay the consequences for their actions? Shaun White has a gold medal around his neck. Make of it what you will.
M.
The original lawsuit was for wrongful termination or back pay (etc) & then several months later, the “sexual harassment” charges were added, all timed to “break” during the RIO Olympics in August 2016 when White was working on-air for NBC. Coincidence?
Also, allegations are not proven. I could allege jdubs is harassing me (by “mental telepathy” – yessiree, actual LAWSUITS have been filed alleging such crap, not against YOU as far as I know… 😉 ) , doesn’t mean it’s true. Stop it, jdubs! 🙂
Do I think Shaun White has been a great guy every day his entire life? Uh, no. I’ve been watching & reading about him since he was 12-13. He’s basically a child star that continued to have extraordinary success into adulthood because of a singular talent. How do MOST child stars turn out? I’ve read puff pieces & hatchet jobs on Shaun over the past 14 years. When so much success, adulation, fame & MONEY come to someone so young, it’s not a surprise that their maturity-level & empathy for others is stunted. In fact, many (most?) ADULT MEN who are super-successful are by most accounts, complete assholes. (Steve Jobs, Picasso, Frank Lloyd Wright anyone?)
Anyhoo, Shaun seemed to have a problem with alcohol (or maybe more) for a time which lead to some of the bratty-jerk behavior. And I’m sure a sense of entitlement & arrogance was involved. I don’t really know what the dynamics were in his band (btw, if a group’s owner/leader’s insistence for a girl member to wear her hair a certain way or to “dress sexy” is a crime, then go ROUND UP THE ENTIRE MUSIC INDUSTRY FOR THE PAST 50 YEARS) or how they talked, joked & acted amongst themselves. I also have never thought certain filthy jokes or pranks are “funny” but millions do.
Has Shaun White been a jerk? Will he be a jerk in the future at some time? Is it possible he is far worse than a jerk? Yep, yep, yep. But unless PROVEN OTHERWISE, I view that “lawsuit” as little more than a money grab.
And what REALLY pisses me off is the freakin MEDIA. This suit & “story” has been out there since 2016, but they sit & sit & sit on it till he wins a another Gold medal & THEN throw it out there & try to ambush him during his victory media “tour”. If he didn’t win, would this even be a story? Why didn’t any of the HUNDREDS of media ask him about any of this in the MONTHS (YEAR) leading up to the Olympic Half-pipe?
As a woman of, ahem, a certain age, I have dealt with COUNTLESS acts of sexual harassment by male acquaintances, classmates, so-called friends, co-workers, bosses, & strangers. (Basically, the human male can be a total shit). I’ve also fought off an attempted assault (I kicked the guy down a flight of stairs after he chased me into & up a 5-floor stairwell). On one hand, I’ve been THRILLED with the recent outings of all the disgusting powerful shitheads that have abused/threatened/silenced women for decades. On the other, am I the only person who finds all these “accusations” (usually done via social media) & QUICK social media MOB “sentencing & conviction” more than just unseemly & worrisome but downright revolting & frightening? Do you not think someone (or many someones) with a grudge will jump on this “new” form of revenge?
If Shaun White is truly a repulsive human being, it will be revealed. Character always is. If he is guilty of past nasty (but not criminal) behavior, how long is the “statute of limitations”? I guess we just have to decide that for ourselves.
One final thing – I refused to have the campus police called about my attempted attacker (a stranger whom I had never seen before or after). I felt humiliated that I even “allowed it to happen” & wanted to forget it. As soon as possible. Sound familiar? But I didn’t forget, it was there in my nightmares for years.
Pay attention, Susie B.
I didn’t write that.
Also, maybe the reason the media “waited” to cover this is because this was the first chance they had to address him face-to-face. And why do you think that is? Disappointed in your effort today….
FROM MOOSE:
Susie B.
Your issues are with me, not with John.
1. You: “He’s basically a child star that continued to have extraordinary success into adulthood because of a singular talent. How do MOST child stars turn out? I’ve read puff pieces & hatchet jobs on Shaun over the past 14 years. When so much success, adulation, fame & MONEY come to someone so young, it’s not a surprise that their maturity-level & empathy for others is stunted. In fact, many (most?) ADULT MEN who are super-successful are by most accounts, complete assholes. (Steve Jobs, Picasso, Frank Lloyd Wright anyone?).”
Really?! I’ve worked in Hollywood. I have worked with famous athletes. I have friends who were famous early. The honest answer to your question of “How do MOST child stars turn out?” is actually pretty normal. (Ron Howard, Neil Patrick Harris, Fred Savage, Justin Timberlake, Leonardo DiCaprio, Ryan Gosling, Joseph Gordon Levitt, Jake Gyllenhaal, Michael J. Fox) As for super- successful men there are quite a lot that are not assholes. (Jeff Weiner, Jim Sinegal, Warren Buffet, Wayne Gretzky, Richard Branson, anyone?) The small number who don’t turn out so well are the ones you read about.
I actually find the excuses you are making for White demeaning and a lame attempt at infantalizing him. Nothing you state excuses his behaviour. Nothing.
2. When the accused admits he did it, allegations become true. See below from the NYT:
“Mr. White, 31, at first tried to dismiss the claims as “gossip,” a word he later apologized for using. Hours later, he gave a statement to The New York Times, saying: “I regret my behavior of many years ago and am sorry that I made anyone — particularly someone I considered a friend — uncomfortable.”
He then went on to talk about how he has changed. And let’s not forget that he made the offer of a financial settlement. Innocent people do not usually do that.
3. According to Deadspin and other publications as well as the 76-page complaint I read,
“Back in May, snowboarder Shaun White was sued by a woman who said White sexually harassed her, made inappropriate comments, and once demanded she cut her hair. On Friday, [in August 2016] her lawyers filed a new complaint in San Diego court with added details about how drummer Lena Zawaideh says White pressured her to join the band, then began harassing her—trying to control her appearance, showing her porn, and sending her sexually explicit text messages, including pictures of other men’s penises.
Zawaideh is suing White for sexual harassment, wrongful termination, wage nonpayment, and other labor code violations. Images of the text messages are included as exhibits in the new lawsuits.“
If you’d like to see some of the “exhibits” attached to this suit, i.e. the messages White sent, you can find them here: https://deadspin.com/here-are-the-penis-pics-that-lena-zawaideh-says-shaun-w-1785367526
Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not. If he had not behaved as he did, he would never have been in this position to begin with.
4. With regard to your critique of the “freakin’ MEDIA and your question, “If he didn’t win, would this even be a story?” What I know for sure is if he had not acted as he did, it definitely wouldn’t be a story. I myself, in these times, maybe more than any other times, am incredibly grateful for the media and the job they are doing.
5. Then you start to confuse me and seem to go back on your argument. “On one hand, I’ve been THRILLED with the recent outings of all the disgusting powerful shitheads that have abused/threatened/silenced women for decades.” Unless I’ve missed something, all the “disgusting powerful shitheads” have not been through due process, so I think what you probably meant was alleged “disgusting powerful shitheads”. I do agree there has been a non-litigated process that has led to the dismissal of many men. Yes, we need a process. But women using this as “revenge” is insulting. With all that you have to go through, with the amount of exposure of your private life, with the weight of all the judgments put on you by other people, bringing allegations for reasons of revenge is going to hurt the accuser more than the accused. Again, as we both agree, due process solves this problem. I’m sorry you had the experiences you had. I have a long list of my own. Sadly, so many of these offences are never reported. I can only hope that in the future there will be better systems, processes, documented pathways that any victims of any kind of harassment or abuse can pursue without shame or fear.
7. JDubs does not harass. He does annoy.
Signed,
Moose