by John Walters

Starting Five

High Nunes*

*The judges will also accept “Memo?…Random!” or “Addition by Distraction”

The average mouth-breather in a MAGA hat has already made “Release the memo!”  their 2018 “Benghazi!”, which is to say they couldn’t put together 15 coherent words on the topic. Ostensibly, Devin Nunes, the Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, is upset about how the FBI obtained a FISA warrant against Carter Page. Never mind the reasons behind why FBI was under surveillance, never mind that Christopher Steele’s dossier is factually accurate, never mind that they were applying for an extension of an already-granted warrant, etc, etc.

Anyway, what’s really going on here is your prez and mine, Donald Trump, is trying to shift your gaze from the investigation into his campaign’s alleged collusion with Trump. It’s his go-to strategy: accuse your accuser of that which you are suspected of.

Meanwhile, did Donny, Jr., just say that Andrew McCabe did not in fact resign but was fired (by his pop)?

 

It was good enough to fire McCabe, no one argues its factually inaccurate, but now days later they want to protect the names of those involved in a scandal that was big enough to fire a senior official a month before retirement? They don’t deserve a pass on that!

— Donald Trump Jr. (@DonaldJTrumpJr) February 1, 2018

2. Updating The McAfee Meter

 

Lot’s of people asking me over the past two days whether my bet is still on (that I will eat my dick if Bitcoin does not reach $1 million by the end of 2020). ABSOLUTELY!!! It is a bet that I cannot possibly use. Use your heads people! Run the numbers that crypto folks well know.

— John McAfee (@officialmcafee) February 2, 2018

We haven’t gazed at the McAfee Meter, which we invented in late December, lately. The MM calculates how much value Bitcoin must gain daily in order for billionaire John McAfee to avoid having to ingest his genitals after the last day of 2020 thanks to a proclamation he made.

So let’s look at the numbers: McAfee has 1,064 days remaining. The price of Bitcoin is as of this very moment $7,884 (more than $10,000 lower than when we were measuring this every day).

So…

$1,000,000 minus $7,884 equals….$992,116

And $992,116 divided by 1,064 equals…$932 per day.

At today’s price, Bitcoin must leap 11.8% per day for McAfee to avoid, um, doubling down on himself.

3. Suspensions of Disbelief

In the United Arab Emirates, the world’s longest zip line—1.76 miles—makes its debut. The wire extends from atop Jebel Jais mountain, which is the UAE’s highest peak and more than one mile above sea level (5,512 feet). The ride lasts nearly three minutes.

 

Would you dare do the world’s biggest swing…upside down? 😱 📹 Anthea Lafazanis on the Nevis Swing in @PureNewZealand #NZMustDo pic.twitter.com/75Vjy7geEI

— Earth Pics (@Earth_Pics) February 1, 2018

Meanwhile, in New Zealand, the Nevis Swing, which is the World’s Largest Swing and offers riders an arc of 900 feet, will put you back $210.

4. Fantastic Finish—Or Was It?

If you looked at the NBA TV schedule for last night, you may not have been terribly enthused about OKC at Denver for the late game. But it was a bucket-fest that Doug Moe would have enjoyed. The Nuggets won 127-124 on this Gary Harris three (Russell Westbrook’s fingertip may have grazed it) at the buzzer.

 

Denver just- well, they just did something. Just listen pic.twitter.com/hTD1ttQAuu

— BBALLBREAKDOWN (@bballbreakdown) February 2, 2018

Of course, the play should have been waved off. The inbounder, Nikola Jokic, took more than five seconds to throw in the ball (If you’re wondering, Didn’t he also travel? Well, he did, but the rule is that the player “shall not…leave the designated throw-in spot,” which allows the ref leeway in terms of a traveling violation), which is a no-no. The NBA doesn’t care, while the NFL spends five minutes trying to determine if something is a catch. Can’t we meet in the middle somewhere?.

Moments earlier….

 

PAUL GEORGE WUT HOW pic.twitter.com/8dRVdWxhHj

— BBALLBREAKDOWN (@bballbreakdown) February 2, 2018

Also, ESPN will attempt to make something out of this nontroversy (it’s the lead story on ESPN.com’s lineup right now), but why is that fan on the court and heckling Russ? By the way, Russ finished with 20 points, 21 assists and 9 boards. Some wonder if he was lingering near the rim on that final play in search of a triple-double.

 

Time expires, fan whooping it up, Russ not having any of it with the little push to the boob pic.twitter.com/vSadKsTiv2

— BBALLBREAKDOWN (@bballbreakdown) February 2, 2018

5. Otter, Gopher, Phil

In his life, Harold Ramis (who died four years ago) co-wrote the Holy Trinity of modern film comedies: Animal House, Caddyshack and Groundhog Day. As today is Februay 2nd, we thought it worth pointing out that all three of those films have small, furry creatures, two of which are rodents:

Groundhog Day: Punxsutawney Phil

Caddyshack: Mr. Gopher

Animal House: Otter

Music 101

There’s No Home For You Here

A face-melting rocker from The White Stripes off their 2003 album, Elephant. 

Remote Patrol

Fiddler On The Roof

10:30 p.m. TCM

Zero Mostel Topol (nominated for a Best Actor Oscar) stars as a Jewish milkman trying to make the Ukraine great again, or something like that. We may hit Zabar’s for some matzoh ball soup and Gefilte fish for a viewing party.