by John Walters

Starting Five

1. Seoul Brothers*

*The judges will also accept “KoKo” and “Kim Jong-Unprecedented”

In a 38th-unparalleled move, the bickering nations of North Korea and South Korea announced that they will field a joint women’s ice-hockey team and march as one delegation under a unified Korean flag at the Pyeongchang Olympics next month. Who thaw that coming?

2. Let’s Get Physical

Congratulations to President Trump, who after a half-century as an adult standing 6’2″ has, as of yesterday according to the results of his physical, grown an inch to 6’3″ as a 71 year-old man. I guess the Oval Office truly does add stature. In related news, the Fake News Awards are scheduled to be held today.

Trump is also generously listed at 239 pounds, which as one tweep noted, could set off a “girther” issue.

3. Bitcoin Bust?

MH’s stock pick for 2018, Bitcoin Investment Trust (GBTC), is down 17% this morning, as the Monday morning quarterbacks come to feast on its carcass. Full disclosure, we own one (1) share of GBTC right now.

Are Bitcoin and cryptocurrencies being exposed as a fraud/scam/pyramid scheme, or is this just a monstrous swing of the pendulum, abetted by the words of the Oracle of Omaha last week? We’ll see.

Worth noting that most crypto experts predicted that bitcoin would suffer huge pullbacks in 2018 before ultimately doubling in price above $40,000. One Bitcoin is as we type this currently worth $9,503, down from $14,000-plus just last week.

Our advice (feel free to assess it at the value of which you are paying for it): Jump in to GBTC if/when it dips below $1,200 and in the meantime, take a close look at our new favorite stocks, Boeing (BA) and VMWare (VMW).

4. Tragedy In Pullman

Less than one month after completing 39 of 50 passes in Washington State’ Holiday Bowl loss to Michigan State, Cougar quarterback Tyler Hilinski apparently commits suicide in his Pullman apartment. Hilinski, a backup who started in place of Luke Falk for the Cougars’ bowl game, was found dead with a gunshot wound to the head. The sophomore from Claremont, Calif., left a suicide note.

5. He Actually WAS Awesome

I came across this comedy act for “Britain’s Got Talent” and like you, was prepared to be disappointed by “Johnny Awsum,” but like the judges, was pleasantly surprised. It’s dated, but who cares? It’s great.

Music 101

Short Skirt/Long Jacket

“With fingernails that shine like justice…” and “She’s touring the facility/And picking up slack...” This slice of Cake wasn’t for everybody, as their official video was happy to illustrate, but this 2001 tune from the Sacramento-based band is one of the smarter tunes of the 21st century.

Remote Patrol

Fake News Awards

Time & Channel TBA

First they were supposed to take place about 10 days ago. Then they were delayed. Now they may not happen. I hope the first award is given to Donald Trump for promising that he had proof that his predecessor was not born in Hawaii.