by John Walters

Starting Five

Alt-White*

*The judges note this could also be the headline for No. 3….

The Northeast got hit with a major bomb cyclone yesterday, and it was glorious!!!! Schools were closed and people left work early to hit the saloons in the late afternoon and experience the two greatest words in city winter living: SNOW BEERS!

Some serious hunkering down went on. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

2. When They Get High, We Go Low*

*The judges will also accept “Pot Sticklers”

Attorney general Jeff Sessions, who as a diehard conservative is all about states’ rights, suddenly decides that it’s a good idea to rescind states’ right in terms of marijuana legalization. Because why? Meanwhile, home-brewers of beer continue to make their raspberry-flavored pilsners with no interference from the government.

3. Call Us When They Devise A Way To Make It Glow In The Dark

We’ll just leave this here….

4. This Book Is Gonna Be YUUUUUUUUGE!

In his farewell address in Chicago last January, outgoing (in every sense of the word) president Barack Obama spoke in his typical even-keeled manner for more than 20 minutes, but I did hear that one little dog-whistle statement that he dropped in near the end of the speech (I do believe we took note of it at the time, too). It was so subtle, so artfully crafted, that you might have missed it, so allow me to reprint those nine little words here:

“Reality has a way of catching up with you”

And so now we have Michael Wolff’s book, Fire and Fury, which has made the patron saint of firing people furious. Yesterday the White House sent a cease-and-desist publishing letter to Wolff’s publishers, who responded by moving up the release date from January 9th to today. This is what you can still do when you live in a democratic republic (which we technically still have) and not an authoritarian dictatorship, which our current POTUS would prefer.

Enjoy the shame, Donald. You’ve more than earned it.

5. That’s Danny White, Not Dana White

 

 

Happens to the best of us…. pic.twitter.com/Gk0wRzufW0

— Medium Happy (@jdubs88) January 5, 2018

Music 101

It’s All I Can Do

Went down a little Benjamin Orr rabbit hole the other night when I realized that, despite the fact that most people identify Ric Ocasek with The Cars, it is Orr who sang lead vocals on just about every one of my favorite tunes of theirs: “Let’s Go,” “Bye Bye Love,” “All Mixed Up,” “Just What I Needed,” and this song, an underrated classic from Candy-O (1979) with some beautiful lovesick lyrics:

One too many times I fell over you
Once in a shadow I finally grew
And once in a night I dreamed you were there
I cancelled my flight from going nowhere

Onstage, Orr, who died of pancreatic cancer at age 53 in 2000, looked like the consummate rock star. He may be the best-looking lead singer that ever lived (he looked like a Disney prince). But he never played the David Lee Roth/Freddie Mercuy type, he just sang the songs and played his bass and kept a low profile. When The Cars are inducted into the Rock and Roll HOF next year, let’s all raise a glass to him.

Remote Patrol

Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee

Netflix

The greatest mobile talk show in web history moves to Netflix (that Jerry Seinfeld is smart as a fox, small “f”, isn’t he?). Favorite episodes we’d point you to: Howard Stern, Tina Fey, Barack Obama, Larry David.