by John Walters

Starting Five

 

The weather in Alabama next week will favor Moore because it’s supposed to dip into the teens.

— Liars Never Win (@liars_never_win) December 7, 2017

 

1. Franken’s Time

As expected, Al Franken resigned (and Aaron Boone will soon be named the next senator from Minnesota). Whether Franken, a Democrat, was taking one for the team for a slew of groping accusations from before he was elected senator or not, the entire episode had a whiff of sexual McCarthyism to it.

Was it the right thing to do? Yes. Franken’s resignation speech was too self-referential, however, and sure, he could not resist mentioning the elephant in the room (by referencing the two elephants who were not in the room):

“I, of all people, am aware that there is some irony in the fact that I am leaving while a man who has bragged on tape about his history of sexual assault sits in the Oval Office and a man who has repeatedly preyed on young girls campaigns for the Senate, with the full support of his party.”

 

…because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and God-darnit people like me. #Franken

— Donald Trump Jr. (@DonaldJTrumpJr) December 7, 2017

So there you have it. On the donkey side, Franken’s resignation gives them the moral authority to say, At least we’re not hypocrites. On the elephant side, they’re saying Franken resigned as a ploy to attempt to force the GOP’s hand. Imagine that logic: your babykiller’s sign of contrition was just a scheme to get our babykillers to pay a price for their baby killing.

 

Even if the Dems are that Machiavellian, it doesn’t change the root point: Roy Moore and Donald Trump should not hold public office.

 

2. Irish Goodbye 

Okay, let’s look at how the top 15 schools in the current College Football Playoff rankings were treated on last night’s two-hour, ESPN awards show.

No. 1 Clemson: Face time with Dabo Swinney and lots of Christian Wilkins mentions.

Oklahoma: Wall to wall Baker Mayfield, deservedly so, including a rotation on the ferris wheel with Maria Taylor.

Georgia: Face time with Kirby Smart and Roquan Smith, a Bednarik Award finalist.

Alabama: Two awards for defensive back Minkak  Fitzpatrick, who should’ve been a runner up to Iowa’s Joshua Jackson.

Ohio State: an interview and an awkward joke with J.T. Barrett.

Wisconsin: Jonathan Taylor-not-Thomas.

And on and on. Saquon Barkley (Penn St.) and Bryce Love (Stanford) took a turn on the ferris wheel with Taylor. Scott Frost (UCF) deservedly won coach of the year.

Who got the least love from ESPN? Notre Dame, USC and UCLA. The Bruins didn’t do much on the field, but they have the best quarterback, at least in the NFL’s eyes, in college football. Or USC does; the Trojans finished 10-2, won the Pac-12, and were barely mentioned. Can you imagine before the season began this show taking place with absolutely zero participation from Sam Darnold?

And then there’s Notre Dame who, yes, sh*t the bed in their two showcase games, but had no shortage of Josh Adams highlights ready to share and a pair of first-team Walter Camp All-Americans on the O-line (Mike McGlinchey, Quenton Nelson) who didn’t even have their names mentioned during the roll call.

Yes, the Irish appeared in multiple video montages, there to make Georgia players or N.C. State’s Bradley Chubb or Love look good, but it’s hard to believe Josh Adams, who had eight runs of 59 yards or longer this season, never even appeared on the program. We got plenty of cancer chatter and a dancing BYU mascot and a stupid challenge between Herschel Walker and Barkley, but the Irish, I’m sorry, and I know I’m partisan, got royally snubbed.

3. Sweet Pea and The Streak

Look at those cute Cavs. Since losing to the best-in-the-west Houston Rockets on November 9, 117-112, they’ve reeled off 13 wins in a row. And Derrick Rose is back in the fold. The Cavs visit Indiana tonight and have an intriguing matchup against Trust The Process on Saturday, but they could reel off eight more in a row before LeBron and the gang visit Golden State on Christmas day (noon local tip. What the hell, Adam?!?).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0QpGulQWII

Kevin Love is now the Cavs’ leading rebounder and second-leading scorer, by the way.

LeBron’s new home sold for $23 million. Apropos price. We’re going to move in next door as soon as John McAfee’s prophecy comes true. Clay Travis already has a guard posted at the gate, I assume.

4. Who Is Shohei Ohtani?

If you answered, “Isn’t he the guy who invented Bitcoin?”, well, you’re close. Ohtani, 23, throws a 102 m.p.h. fastball and also plays outfield for the Hokkaido Nippon-Ham Fighters of the Japanese League. But he’s coming to America and he wants to play for a small-market team. Considering how well a dude named Ichiro Suzuki fared in Seattle, we wonder why he wouldn’t just park it there. As close to home as he can get, too.

The Mariners are one of seven teams (along with the Padres, Angels, Dodgers, Giants, Rangers and Cubs) vying to sign him. I sort of hope he ends up with the Padres. They’ve been a non-factor for nearly 20 years now.

5. Rabbit, Run

We animal lovers get weepy over moments like this. I want to buy this man a beer.

 

Music 101

Pilot of the Airwaves

It was 1979 and someone forgot to tell English singer-songrwriter Charlie Dore that the folk era had ended at least five years earlier. But this song’s catchy hook and Nashville twang shot it up to No. 13 on the Billboard chartCs. This is the kind of tune they could have used in the background on WKRP. Maybe they did.

Remote Patrol

Celtics at Spurs

9:30 p.m. ESPN

Kawhi Leonard, the most autocorrect-able player in pro sports, will not return until this weekend, but you still get a matchup between two of the three best coaches in the NBA. The Celtics have the NBA’s best record (22-4), while the Spurs are 17-8, have won five straight, and Ginobiliiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!