by John Walters

Starting Five

F-U., C.K.

You too, Louie? Noooooooooooo!

Yesterday afternoon The New York Times outed our favorite comedian (“Everything’s amazing, and nobody’s happy…”), Louis C.K., as a serial in-your-face onanist. Vulture.com speculates that C.K., the premiere of whose film I Love You, Daddy, which involved a too-close-for-comfort Woody Allen-type character, was shelved just hours prior to the curtain rising yesterday, is done professionally. We’ll see.

Soon after that news broke, a former female writer on Mad Men accused series creator Matt Weiner of once calling her into his office and telling her that she “owed it to [him] to see her naked.” Now how would anyone suspect a guy who wrote his own prepubescent son into a story arc that involves an inappropriate relationship with Betty Draper as being a perv? C’mon!

2. Lock Him Up

Turning to more sexual predator breaking news, Alabama Republican and senatorial candidate Judge Roy Moore, the homophobic xenophobe (or if you prefer, xenophobic homophobe) who whips out his gun at rallies, has been accused by a woman of having an inappropriate relationship when she was only 14 years old (Moore, then an assistant DA, was 32). The story in The Washington Post found at least three other underage females who had gone out with Moore when he was in his 30s.

It gets creepier: Moore allegedly picked her up at a custody hearing. Hers.

Breitbart defended Moore (without denying ALL of the allegations) before the story in The Washington Post even appeared, which means they have a direct pipeline to Moore’s/the Alt-Right’s headquarters and heart (Hello, Steve B.). Obviously, the Post had phoned Moore seeking comment and his staff alerted Breitbart so that they could run a “prebuttal” piece.  Part of that piece downplayed Moore’s dating a 17 year-old, saying that the girl “characterized Moore as being romantic, reading poetry to her, and playing the guitar. The woman is cited saying that physical contact only involved kissing and did not progress any further.”

Again….creepers.

Steve Bannon compared the allegations to the Access Hollywood tape, meaning that he saw it as no more than a partisan hit job coming right before an election. We’ll say this: If you want to go that route, yes, it IS possible that a far-left group created this entire story with willing “victims” to undermine Moore’s election. That is possible. However, the reason it is not like the Access Hollywood tape is that in the latter, there was actual on-camera evidence of the candidate bragging about sexual assault. So, for us, Roy Moore is not yet in the league of Donald Trump in terms of sexual predations. Congrats, Judge.

Meanwhile, as fringe elements of Republicans STILL cling to a defense of Moore, people are asking what the GOP stands for. But maybe the question is more literal than that. What does “GOP” stand for? A few suggestions:

Guardians Of Pedophiles

Guns Over People

Gutless Obsequious Panderers

3. Catholics And Convicts

We’re going to promote this little story we wrote that appeared in yesterday’s The Athletic and is still up on the site. The premise (we don’t know if the link will work) is that notorious U of the 1980s was a lot like Knute Rockne’s Notre Dame of the 1920s.

For the price of a small cup of coffee, you can have access to The Athletic every month

4. WNB-EH?

Our (unpaid) North-of-the-Border correspondent, Moose, alerts us to the story of the Edmonton Grads, the archetype dominant women’s hoops team. Before UConn, before Tennessee, even before Immaculata, there were the Grads, who won the first women’s world championship (1924) and who between 1915-1940 compiled a record of 502-20. The Grads went to four Olympics, finishing 27-0 at the Games, but did not win a medal since women’s hoops was simply an exhibition sport then.

Here’s a swell video on The Grads, who have one surviving member left, 95 year-old Kay McBeth (“Out, out, brief candle!”). According to Moose, they were inducted into the Canadian Sports Hall of Fame  last night.

Fellow Canadian James Naismith who, you know, invented basketball, called the Grads “the finest basketball team that ever stepped out on a floor,” but who knows, maybe he was just trying to get into their shorts (See Items 1 and 2, above).

5. Nabbed!

This is Eric Rivers, who had just robbed a bank and was in the process of scoping out a few more when he stopped in suburban Atlanta to give a man-on-the-street interview about the lack of public transportation. A tipster phoned in and said he resembled the bank robber, and Rivers was soon apprehended. Idris Elba will play him in the TV movie. Do they still make TV movies? I don’t think so.

Music 101

Lollipops and Roses

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJn-lzcvmWU

As our staffers were downloading this video, the TV was providing us the details of the allegations against Louis C.K. Holy juxtaposition, Batman! Jack Jones was talented and handsome but somehow failed to become the successor to Frank Sinatra and by the time we happened upon him in the Seventies, he was singing the theme to The Love Boat. Jones, who has been married six times, won the Grammy in 1962 (Best Male Pop Performance) for this song. He’s still around, performing in Vegas at age 79.

Reserves

Clay Travis: Liar or Bad At Math

Last Friday the founder of Outkick The Coverage reported he was 57-55 on his college football gambling picks for the season (I guess you could go back and fact-check if even those numbers are accurate). Then he proceeded to go 4-7 in his picks.

This week he returns claiming he is 64-61 on the season, although if you add those numbers from up above, the sum should be 61-62. So what’s up with that, we wonder?

Remote Patrol

No. 9 Washington at Stanford

10:30 p.m. FS1

An uncommonly compelling Pac-12 After Dark on a Friday evening. The Pooches need to win to keep the Great Scott Conference’s slim playoff hopes alive, while Bryce Love needs a showcase game on national television to continue the Cardinal’s grand tradition of producing a Heisman runner-up. We’ll be watching.