Starting Five
1. The Labor Issues of Hochuli have been completed. Hochuli perfectly embodied the Greek idea of “pathos, the experience of virtuous struggle and suffering that would lead to fame… and a $24,000 per annum increase in compensation (from $149,000 to $173,000).”
About how large would you say the Girdle of Hippolyta was, Ed?
2. The Oakland K’s established a new single-season record for whiffing when Chris Carter struck out in Texas in the 2nd inning. Oakland now has gone “One, two, three strikes you’re out” 1,334 times this season. Then again, Oakland beat Texas last night –while striking out a dozen times — and looks secure for a wildcard spot. We must’ve missed that chapter of “Moneyball.” We hereby doth propose the team relocate to Fargo (or Bismarck, or Sioux City… do you know where we are going here yet? Sure you do…) and rechristen itself the Dakota Fannings.
3. Andy Williams succumbs to cancer at the age of 84. If you’re going to make a tune your signature song, you will never do better than Moon River (We’ll save the Fletch jokes for another day… listen to the lyrics; it’s been called the perfect song). And your mom or grandmom had a crush on him, even if they’ll never admit it.
4. If you failed Western Civ, don’t feel bad. The Prime Minister of Great Britain, David Cameron, appeared on Late Show last night and was unable to correctly tell host David Letterman what “Magna Carta” translated to in English (so the PM failed Latin, too). Cameron also missed the composer of “Rule, Brittania.” This should become a new game show. (answers: “Great Charter” and Thomas Arne).
5. We know who we want to do our taxes for us next year. An Australian auditor discovered an extra $334 billion the nation did not know that it possessed. That’s an extra $14,000 or so for each Australian, which means you should be buying stock in whoever bottles XXX or Foster’s beer.
Reserves
Are you suffering from “Sudden Wealth Syndrome?” Jason Jones explores this potentially crippling condition on “The Daily Show”. “From the Trust Belt of Connecticut…” Highly recommended.
Bryce Harper now has more Major League home runs than he does birthdays, as the 19 year-old hits his 20th homer at Philadelphia. The only other big leaguer to hit 20 home runs before his 20th birthday? Former Red Sox prodigy Tony Conigliaro.
Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o becomes the first Irish football player to make the cover of Sports Illustrated (even if it is a regional cover) since August of 2006. Cover hed: “The Full Manti.” We would have preferred “Hawaiian, 5, Oh!” or In Excelsis Te’o.
“The Full Manti?” What, did someone not think of “Praying Manti?”
If you did see Letterman’s interview with David Cameron, then you know that in Great Britain politicians are not allowed to advertise on television (that drew a large round of applause inside the Ed Sullivan Theater). “I’ve never said, ‘I’m David Cameron and I approved this message,” the PM said. Also, he noted that his TOTAL campaign fund was around $150,000.
Cameron, by the way, was a winning personality (we doubt Ahmadinejad would have been quite so charming). It’s funny to think that now both the Beatles and the Prime Minister of Great Britain have appeared in that theater, but only the latter had to pass a history quiz.
For what it’s worth, the guest who followed the leader of the British Empire was actor Johnny Lee Miller, whom you may know better as the character Sick Boy from “Trainspotting.” The booking staff over there on Broadway and West 53rd St., they’re what the Brits would refer to as “cheeky buggers.”
No. 8 Stanford visits Washington tonight (ESPN, 8 p.m.) . No matter who wins, they ARE going to school tomorrow.
R.A. Dickey goes for his 20th win this afternoon at Citi Field versus the Pittsburgh Pirates, who just qualified to have the month of October off for the 20th consecutive year — or longer than Bryce Harper, who will play in the postseason, has been breathing.
The top-grossing film in the U.S. right now… any idea? It’s “End of Watch,” a film about two young L.A. cops who stumble upon a Mexican drug cartel. It’s written by David Ayer, who also penned the irresistably watchable “Training Day.”
Sometimes we watch the GOP nominee (skip to :30) and we think of this guy…