by John Walters
Starting Five
Up to 30 people are still missing…okay, not exactly missing…just somewhere under that roof and unaccounted for.
Valanga!
Four earthquakes struck central Italy on Wednesday, which likely led to an avalanche that buried the Hotel Rigopiano, in Farindola, about 100 miles northeast of Rome. Rescuers had to travel at least five miles by ski or snowshoe just to reach the four-star hotel, as snow continues to fall, and it is believed up to 30 people are trapped inside. Stay tuned to Medium Happy’s 24-hour cable news service for updates (Not yet, but won’t that be cool?).
And here we just watched Force Majeure earlier this week.
2. Basketball Becomes—Shorter
Taylor is actually Allen Iverson’s god son, and plays very similarly; he put up 62 points in one game in November.
This is 5’10” Phil Taylor of Division II Shorter University. He’s averaging 35.3 points per game, more than any player at any level, male or female.
Marcus Keene, 5’9″, plays for Central Michigan and is the top scorer in Division I.
Amely Del Rosario, 5’5″, is a senior at Lehman College in the Bronx and her 25.3 points per game is tops in Division III.
Julian Marx, 5’11”, is the top three-point shooter in Division III. He plays for Grinnell.
At Division III Greenville, which literally borrowed Grinnell’s playbook two years ago, they’re averaging a nation’s best 133 points per game. The Panthers put up 178 points earlier this season. Their coach, George Barber, eschews recruiting low post players.
What’s happening? Two things: 1) Schools and players are embracing the three-point shot at levels unlike any we’ve ever seen and 2) embracing the three has opened up the lane, so that players who have a terrific handle (cough, can palm the ball, cough) and can drive to the hoop are finding a more traffic-free lane or finding contact and foul calls (because refs are afraid to call charging unless you’re an oaf).
3. A Speech In Sharpie?
Writing my inaugural address at the Winter White House, Mar-a-Lago, three weeks ago. Looking forward to Friday. #Inauguration pic.twitter.com/S701FdTCQu
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 18, 2017
The president-elect himself tweeted out this photo of himself yesterday, taken either from the lair of an Arab sheik or his “winter White House,” Mar-A-Lago. What he may not have anticipated is assiduous and antagonistic news producers and reporters blowing up the photo and noticing that in his right hand he holds a Sharpie pen. Which is not conducive to writing long speeches (you know what is, in the 21st century? A computer). Donald, isn’t it a little early to be filling out your NCAA bracket? They haven’t even picked the field yet.
Every day Trump recalibrates the crazy line in American life. Yesterday, no lie, he announced what he wanted his slogan for his 2020 campaign (which he’ll begin going out on the road and staging rallies for, presumably, on Saturday) to be: “Keep America Great.” As more than a few horror genre fans noted, that was the tagline for last summer’s film, The Purge: Election Year, the plot of which has to do with draining the swamp and murdering undesirables. It’s described as a “dystopian” movie, but I think there are a few people in the new administration who think of it as a training film.
To be fair, whoever put together the marketing for this film probably borrowed that tagline from Trump’s “MAGA” phrase. They knew what demo they were targeting.
4. Logan’s Run for Novak?
In five sets Denis Istomin, a wildcard from Uzbekistan, defeats Novak Djokovic at the Australian Open. It was the Serbian superman’s first loss against an unseeded opponent at a Grand Slam in 34 matches. Djokovic, who will turn 30 between now and the French Open, owns 12 career Grand Slam singles titles. Is this significant?
Istomin: “Another win for Milos!”
Roger Federer, who owns the most with 17, won one Grand Slam title after turning 30. He’s now 35.
Pete Sampras, who has 14, also won one after turning 30.
Rafael Nadal, who also has 14, is 30 and last won a Grand Slam at age 28.
Speaking of futuristic dystopian films….in this one, turning 30 meant you needed to be exterminated. If you’re old enough to remember this movie, you should definitely be gone.
Djokovic, who won literally half of the 22 Grand Slam titles between the beginning of 2011 and last year’s French Open, has now failed to win the last three Grand Slams.
5. “I Think We’re Going To Be Okay“
So long, suckers
Oh, you think? You think??? And with that, Mr. Keating left the White House briefing room as most of the assembled fourth estate (and a few of us watching) stood on our chairs and desks and proclaimed, “O captain! My captain!”
President Obama departs 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue 1) alive (most importantly; admit it, you all had him in the dead pool, ahead of even Wade Wilson) 2) untouched by scandal and 3) with his integrity and senses of humor and decency intact.
No, not THIS Wade Wilson
Even Obama’s most ardent enemies (many of whom cannot wait to Make America Great Again) must admit that at his core he is a good man. And what they believe is weakness, well, they’re about to discover, was simply good old fashioned “discretion is the better part of valor.”
A lot of American are upset about ISIS (Did any of them care about Syria before James Foley was decapitated?), or Obamacare (what’s their better plan?), or about job loss (which is more a product of how major corporations are slaves to their earnings reports than about anything a president can do), and I get that people want to work. Will it be better under Trump?
As the Zen Master said, “We’ll see.”
Music 101
Kiss You All Over
Kinda disco, kinda power-pop, this song from Exile was all over FM radio in autumn of 1978. I can’t believe Paul Thomas Anderson hasn’t used it in a film yet. The song was No. 1 for four weeks in late ’78. Lead singer Jimmy Stokley died seven years later at the tender age of 41.
Remote Patrol
Skyfall
3:30 p.m. SyFy
When you’re looking for a movie whose title matches your mood. This James Bond film from 2012 stars Daniel Craig and made up for the disaster that was A Quantum of Solace (worst title for a 007 film ever).
Yo. It’s just “Quantum of Solace,” because they have to honor the title of a Fleming work, even if that’s literally the only thing they use from it 56 years later. It is the worst Bond title ever, and will be until Cubby Broccoli IV greenlights “The Hildebrand Rarity,” due in theatres Christmas 2035.
I was a major Bond junkie growing up, so my disbelief is frequently and eagerly suspended, but come on. There’s a run in Skyfall where Bardem manages to sync his escape so perfectly that he anticipates 1. when MI6 will try to hack his plans and 2. when Bond will follow him so he can almost hit him with a train that he redirected into an abandoned station (!) and 3. then meet up with all kinds of patiently waiting cronies who can pass him a cop uniform and later pick up him up in traffic without breaking stride … what? Such a fun villain, but such a silly script at times.
Also, the Wade Wilson/deadpool reference does not go unnoticed. I opened so, so many packs of 1990 Fleer and Score, and the best card in the set, kept in pristine condition, wouldn’t fetch a dollar on its best day 27 years later. Mass, mass, mass-produced those puppies …
I’ve always wondered how many people went to see Casino Royale and wondered why they were getting treated to 45 minutes of The World Series of Poker. At least let Norman Chad provide some commentary.
Basketball shorter? I just think that the more fairly games are officiated the less of a factor height, strength and brutality are to winning and scoring.
I just read that Trump’s Ambassador to England will be the Jets (J-E-T-S!) owner? The guy at the top of the hapless, MOST dysfunctional team/organization in the NFL? That guy? LOL!
Well, here’s my expectations (time will tell if they are ‘Great’ or otherwise) :
1) For Great Britain to declare war on us within the year. *
2) With Johnson outta the way, the Jets will be in the Super Bowl. Nah, just teasing.
* I sort of look forward to the War of 2017 as I can belt out ‘The Battle of New Orleans’ –
“In 2017, we took a little trip,
Along with colonel Jackson down the mighty Mississip.
We took a little bacon and we took a little beans,
And we fought the bloody British in the town of New Orleans.
We fired our guns and the British kept a comin’,
There wasn’t ’bout as many as there was awhile ago.
We fired once more and they began a’runnin’
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexicoooooo!”
🙂 🙂
“Yeah, they ran through the briars and they ran through
The brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn’t go
They ran so fast that the hounds couldn’t catch ’em
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.”
My favorite part!
Casino Royale spent, as they say, a little too much time at the table. The book itself is practically a primer on baccarat (or “chemin de fer”) — the opening casino scene in Dr. No steals it. I know very little French but still know “neuf a la banque” from that scene.