by John Walters
Starting Five
I love when Pence gives the media that death glare that says, “You’re probably secretly gay and you should be exterminated (but maybe I’m secretly gay, too).”
Slow Your Roll (Call)
The Republican clown car is just three days into the New Year (and two days into the 115th session—as opposed to Sessions…all opposed to Sessions, say, “Nay!’ “NAY!”) and the wheels are already coming off the vehicle:
Monday night-Tuesday: The “Let’s Get Rid of the Independent Ethics Panel…On Second Thought, And After Being Flooded With Vitriolic Phone Calls, Let’s Not” debacle.
Wednesday morning: Mike Pence and Paul Ryan, looking and sounding as if they just played in a foursome with Judge Smails and Doctor Beeper, opine on how terrible the Affordable Care Act is and promise that repealing it will be their first order of business….while insisting that they have a plan, but we can’t tell you what that plan is…never minding that the Los Angeles Times disputes their assertions. My gut feeling tells me that what they find most heinous about “Obamacare,” if these men were ever willing to admit it, is the first three syllables of the word.
Monty Python foresaw the GOP pressers of late more than 40 years ago. Thanks to the outstanding Notre Dame photographer Matt Cashore for the suggestion.
Wednesday morning: Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell has the audacity to chide Democrats for thinking about obstructing the confirmation of a SCOTUS, even though he led an unprecedented crusade to do just that the past 10 months.
Cal Marshall dabs at the swearing in of his father, Roger Marshall (R-Kansas), earning himself a grounding by dad and the adoration of classmates for the rest of his high school years.
Wednesday morning: Lawyers who worked for the state attorney general’s office in Alabama write an op-ed in The Washington Post directly and bluntly refuting the claims of Donald Trump’s nominee for attorney general, Jeff Sessions, about having worked on anti-discrimination and desegregation cases. Meanwhile, more than 1,100 law school professors nationwide put their names on a letter to Congress urging it to not approve the nomination of Jeff Sessions as attorney general.
Those confirmation hearings are scheduled to take place on January 11, which is the same day that Donald Trump is holding his first press conference since the election, which is a wonderful tactic for hoping the press takes its eyes off the ball.
Kids, this is EXHAUSTING and we’re still two weeks away from it even beginning. Are you sure you’re ready for this? It’s going to be a four-year battle between the well-read and the well, red.
So, ‘nova Bitches?
Butler takes down No. 1 and unbeaten and defending national champion Villanova (14-1) last night at Hinkle Fieldhouse, 66-58. Here’s Jay Wright picking up his first technical of the season in the first half, upsset that his guy who shot an air ball didn’t get a foul call.
Meanwhile Butler (14-2) moves to 4-0 against ranked teams this season and picks up one of two wins against top ten teams in the state of Indiana last night (my way of shoe-horning Notre Dame’s 77-70 win over No. 9 Louisville into this item). It was the first time a No. 1 team had played at Hinkle since 1953 (Indiana, which beat Butler that night, one year before Milan High beat Muncie Central in the same building).
Also, not to be dismissed, this is the same Butler team whose charter flight had to make an emergency landing in Pittsburgh last Thursday night after losing at St. John’s, the cabin losing pressure and oxygen masks descending. Players and coaches texted loved ones as the plane descended from 35,000 feet to 10,000 feet in a span of about 10 minutes.
3. Vatican City McDonald’s
I mean, c’mon, man. Not here.
Yes, there’s now a McDonald‘s just outside Vatican City, rendering yet again the question “Is nothing sacred” rhetorical.
Is the kids’ area known as “Prayland?” Will there be a drive-pew window? What does black smoke coming out of the chimney mean? Can your order the McWafer with cheese and are all patties made from 100% papal bull? And how long until we’ll see a MeccaDonald’s?
4. Retail Between Its Legs
When you ask for the “Death of the Mall” photo and instead are given a Darth Maul photo
Macy’s announces that it is closing 68 stores. Sears announces that it is closing 150 stores. Doesn’t anyone want to go to the mall anymore (as an AMZN shareholder, I have conflicting thoughts about this).
5. Facebook Live Torture Story That Is Disturbing
It may seem cool to broadcast your crimes on social media until you realize you’re handing law enforcement the evidence
Four black Chicago teens, two male and two female, kidnap a white special needs teen and torture him for half an hour, broadcasting it on Facebook Live. Reprehensible, indefensible and certainly racially motivated. They yelled, “F*** Donald Trump!” and “F*** white people!” as they scared the young man half to death.
All four have been arrested by police and should be spending a long time in jail.
So what to say about it? Are there racist black people? Well, of course there are. Do we all want to go running to Clay’s and Bomani’s Twitter accounts to gauge their wildly antipodal takes on this sick incident? Go ahead. Is it a hate crime? I personally don’t believe in that term, but if you’re going to buy into it, then this is as clear an example of one as you will find.
My own personal take, having lived in NYC for a quarter century but having spent many a time in Chicago and having traveled to every city in the U.S. of any relative import is that there’s a special mean in the south side of Chicago that I’ve never personally encountered in any other city. Might it exist elsewhere? Sure. But I’ve never seen it, not in Philly, not in Baltimore, not even in south Central. There’s a reason 762 people were murdered in Chicago in 2016.
As we write this, the sentencing phase of the Dylann Roof mass murder trial is taking place in South Carolina. He murdered nine African-Americans in a church in a racially motivated crime less than two years ago. Instead of worrying about if white people or black people are the victims/perpetrators perpetually, maybe let’s just punish people who o horrible things and move on.
Music 101
Unwritten
The invention of YouTube allowed anyone with a video camera and an account to have access to the entire world to show of their talent, or lack thereof. This young woman has the chops and there’s a reason besides just her vocals that her cover of Natasha Bedingfield‘s 2004 No. 5 hit has had 16 million in the nine years since she uploaded it. Watch all the way through. Bedingfield is an international star, but I always thought she’d be even bigger than she is: beautiful, lovely voice. Maybe she should’ve had a tawdry marriage to Russell Brand. This is my favorite song of hers.
Wonderful trivia bit: The song was co-written by Danielle Brisebois, the former child actress who played the step-daughter on All In the Family and later Archie Bunker’s Place.
Remote Patrol
Thunder at Rockets
8 p.m. TNT
A battle between the season’s first-half MVP favorites, neither of whom are named Steph or LeBron. Russell Westbrook is No. 1 in scoring (30.9 ppg) and No. 2 in assists (10.5) for the Thunder (21-15). James Harden, his former OKC teammate, is No. 4 in scoring (28.4) and No. 1 in assists (11.9) for the 27-9 Rockets. Besides, these may be the two most fun players to watch in the NBA this season who don’t have a Greek name I cannot spell.