by John Walters

Starting Five

1. Too Late For The Sun*

*The judges will also accept “It’s McCaffrey, Not McCaf-free!” and “Pass the Old El Paso”

Stanford junior and 2015 Red Grange Award winner Christian McCaffrey has decided to pass the Old El Paso, i.e., not play in the Sun Bowl. His decisions assures America that the nation will not run short on hot-take fuel for at least two more days.

McCaffrey galloped for 368 all-purpose yards in last January’s Rose Bowl, which kicked off just a few hours after Ohio State’s Taylor Decker shoved Notre Dame’s Jaylon Smith from behind on a play that was pretty much a cheap shot. Smith suffered severe nerve damage while tearing a few knee ligaments and lost all of his rookie NFL season. He went from a surefire Top 10 pick to a second-round pick (Decker was taken mid-first round).

On the other hand, Jaylon was selected by the Dallas Cowboys, who are fixing to be the NFL’s juggernaut for at least the next half-decade, so you could argue that it all worked out for him. He’ll play next year.

And what is the message to America’s youth? If you have a linear path to $10 million or more in earnings in your twenties (or in your life) and someone posts one more meaningless impediment in front of that path, sidestep it. Not the worst lesson in the world.

Other Stanford students who skipped out of The Farm before they graduated (or played in the Sun Bowl) include Tiger Woods, Google co-founder Sergey Brin and SnapChat co-founder Evan Spiegel.

2. Stocking Stuffers in Waco

In case you missed it, the No. 4 Baylor men took on John Brown, who judging by the 107-53 final score yesterday, could be one person or could be a 2,100-student NAIA institution in Arkansas. But that is hardly egregious compared to what the No. 3 Lady Bears did last week, smacking Winthrop by the score of 140-32. The 108-point margin was the largest ever in Division I history.

Just so you have it, here were the quarter scores: 38-6, 39-12, 34-14 and 29-0. So yeah, it was close after three quarters, only 111-32. “I tried and played tons of people,” said Baylor coach Kim Mulkey (whom we love), “in and out of the lineup, called timeouts, trying to get people off the floor.” Winthrop’s coach, Kevin Cook, actually thanked her after the game. He knew it could’ve been worse.

In related news, the top four women’s teams in women’s college hoops—UConn, Notre Dame, Baylor and Maryland— have two losses total, both of which came to UConn. Maryland hosts the Huskies on Thursday, December 29.

3. Bi-Polar Bears?

Listen: I LOVE wild animals and it’s going to be man’s greatest failure if we lose any of these magnificent creatures to extinction because that will be entirely on us. Related: We don’t need any more people; we actually need less. A lot less.

So, yeah, how man treats wildlife is, for me, the best measuring stick of whether or not we’ve evolved because it tells whether or not we truly appreciate this home on which we live. But, before I get any more preachy, here’s my question: What would happen if we tried repatriating polar bears in Antarctica? I’m generally not in favor of manipulating ecosystems, but Antarctica isn’t a very complex environment. There does happen to be a lot of ice, though, and a lot of available polar bear food sources (Penguins make a fine snack). I just wonder if anyone has ever seriously considered this.

Meanwhile, we’re putting in charge of the White House the very worst people we could possibly find in terms of conservation. I fear how much different the biome will look in 2020. But hey, there will be more golf courses and luxury hotels, so…

4. World’s Greatest Obit

If you have yet to read the obituary on Chris Connors, here it is. We tried to attend the wake/happy hour, but didn’t get permission from the family.

5. Ghost Ship (Cont.)

I’m still blown away by what happened in Oakland on the night of December 2nd. Three dozen people, who went from partying and dancing and just enjoying the music, to a gruesome death in a matter of minutes. Here’s the story of one young reveler, Seung Lee, who was inside but then fatefully left for a few minutes to purchase beverages. The decision was a life-saver. From the East Bay Express.

And here’s another story, from the San Francisco Chronicle, of someone who survived by jumping out a window. The survivor, Aaron Marin, a bass player, had played gigs there before and was aware that the window existed.

 

Music 101

Jackie Blue

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrbNeOEG0GY

Yes, my weak spot is one-hit wonders from the Seventies. Takes me back to a time when AM radio was standard in cars and FM was what premium cable is to people today. This 197 tune by the Ozark Mountain Daredevils. The song reached No. 3 on the Billboard charts in 1975, where it was a summer staple. I never knew before today that the lead singer was 1) a man and 2) the drummer. Here’s proof (but lesser sound quality):

Remote Patrol

A Christmas Carol

TNT 8 p.m.

The Exorcist

Sundance 8 p.m.

Light or dark meat? You decide.