by John Walters

Count On Chaos

I’ve never met him in person, but I do like and respect Jason McIntyre. Built his own site, The Big Lead, from nothing and has helped launch the careers of solid writers such as Steven Douglas, Kyle Koster and Ty Duffy (Yo, JM, where all the female scribes?).

Where we always disagree: He wants an 8-team playoff and I think four is enough (the working title of a late-Seventies ABC drama that never took off). So on Saturday around noon EST he tweeted something to that effect and Dan Wolken and I both said, “No” and JM returned with this tweet….

 

@jdubs88 @DanWolken every other sport is a build UP to getting to the postseason. college football the only one that winds down.

— Jason McIntyre (@jasonrmcintyre) November 12, 2016

Oh, Jason. Over the next 10 hours No. 2 Clemson lost at home to Pittsburgh, 43-42, No. 3 Michigan lost on the road to Iowa, 14-13 (both of those losses to unranked teams on last-second field goals) and No. 4 Washington lost at home to USC, 26-13. It was the first time since October of 1985 that the 2nd, 3rd and 4th-ranked teams all lost on the same day.

So, yes, yesterday was unusual, but November shockers in college football are an annual event. I’m not sure if Jason just isn’t paying attention or if he’s so horny for the NFL that he thinks something as beautiful and unique as the college football season needs to conform to that boring schedule or….

….Or, if there is something more insidious going on here, that as a Fox Sports employees he’s surreptitiously surrogating for an 8-team playoff because he’d like to see Fox Sports get those extra games, and if that’s the case, I’d hate to think he’s doing the bidding, like a less Aryan Corey Lewandowski, of his Fox Sports higher-ups. Even after these spectacular results, Jason returned to tweeting about how he wants to see the five conference champs and three at-larges make a playoff. My rebuttal is the photo above.

Regardless, college football demonstrated why it’s so special yet again on Saturday. There’s no reason to sterilize it, to take the confusion and chaos out of it. That’s exactly why those of us who consider it our favorite spectator sport love it. You can keep gambling and playing Fantasy Football to appease your boredom about the outcomes of games in the first three months of the NFL season (the biggest story in the NFL this year is that a backup QB is refusing to stand for the national anthem), and we’ll keep loving our game the way it is.

2. DBAP: Don’t Be A Pr*ck

When he’s not refining his predictable Fried Green Bill Simmons act, Clay Travis sells self-promotional garments to his obsequious fans. Clay’s latest idea to appeal to his acolytes who don’t like that the world has gotten too politically correct (which it has) is to sell shirts that read, “DBAP,” an acronym for “Don’t Be A P***y.”

Given how that word cropped up in the final two months of the election, he should’ve also been marketing “DGAP” t-shirts, but his mostly red-state redneck audience probably wouldn’t have bought as many of those.

Anyway, my DBAP to Clay is simple: Don’t Be A Prick.

November 6…..

 

@ClayTravis @Outkick you might wanna fix this fam pic.twitter.com/m7HZ58Fwah

— Kailey Wiemann (@kaileymcd) November 6, 2016

led to….

 

I’m going to go put my head in an oven now. It’s been a nice life. Bye, y’all. https://t.co/wRxSDumbQq

— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) November 6, 2016

 

But within one week…

November 13….

@ClayTravis Your still a bigot. Bc most of his fan base is white he should be subservient to their wishes?

— Isiah (@CAI0323) November 13, 2016

so…

*you’re https://t.co/WT31eO9CTN

— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) November 14, 2016

So maybe a little hypocrisy here? But Clay’s lemmings are so blind that they’ll even give that a pass. He’s a lot like Trump, I’ll give Clay that: he’s managed to find a fan base that is so utterly blind in their adoration that even when he pisses directly into their faces, they open their mouths wider.

3. Dak To The Future

No one will write about how NFL TV ratings are down today because they weren’t down this weekend because the NFL actually was fun yesterday. The two marquee match ups, Dallas-Pittsburgh and Seattle-New England, exceeded the hype, as both games featured seven lead changes. It’s the first time IN EVER that the Shield has had two such games on the same day.

Takeaways: After a season-opening loss to the G-Men, the Cowboys have won eight in a row (35-30 at Pittsburgh). Dak Prescott has earned the right to keep starting over Tony Romo, and Ezekiel Elliott could very well be the first person since Earl Campbell (Oilers, ’78) to be named Rookie of the Year and MVP in the same season. It’s all pointing forward for Dallas.

p.s. The only other player I know of who pulled the ROY/MVP double is Jim Brown. That’s good company.

In New England, this time it was the Patriots who couldn’t punch it in late from within five yards as Seattle wins 31-24. Pats are class of the AFC, but they’e beatable.

In New Orleans, Denver beat the Saints by blocking the go-ahead PAT very late and returning it to the abode for a 25-23 victory.

Finally, the Chiefs are now 18-3 in their past 21 games with almost no one noticing (that’s why Hillary lost the election!). K.C. came back from 17-0 down AT Carolina and won 20-17 without scoring an offensive touchdown.

The difficult OOC-college football-schedule fan in me notes that all four of these were inter-conference games (and that the visitors won all four games).

4. Liberals’ Last Stand

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMJvbP3yzMk

A quick wrap of the weekend’s late-night rebuttals to Trump-ism and the divisiveness all around. First, here’s Bill Maher on “Real Time” and I’d advise you go directly to 51:00 when the host gets to his final “New Rule” (although there’s a lot of terrific wisdom from NYT columnist Thomas Friedman throughout the show).

On the other coast one night later, openly lesbian SNL cast member Kate McKinnon, dressed yet again as Hillary, opened the show with a tribute to Leonard Cohen, who died last week, by performing his classic “Hallelujah” (who knew she could play the piano?). Of course, it was also a sort of paean to HRC and to those who reject what Trump’s rise has begotten.

Cohen famously wrote dozens of verses for the song, most of which you’ll never hear listening to the Jeff Buckley or Rufus Wainwright versions. McKinnon took one that you’ll not hear on radio and inserted it because it fit the moment and candidate so well:

I did my best, it wasn’t much/I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch/I told the truth, I didn’t come to fool ya’*/And even though it all went wrong, I’ll stand before the lord of song/With nothing on my tongue but ‘Hallelujah’….

An aside: On November 3 I went to see Aussie musician/comic Tim Minchin here in NYC. For his second and final encore he had all the house lights turned off except for one very faint blue light above his piano. Beacon Theater was in almost pitch darkness as he sat at the piano, apologized before being the millionth artist to cover this song, and then played a wonderful rendition of “Hallelujah.” I’m thinking he must have known that Cohen was in his final days and hours.

*Well, maybe she did a little bit…..

Finally, if you missed Dave Chappelle’s opening monologue, here it is, highly recommended (stick around for the ending anecdote) :

5. A Few Words on the Electoral College….

My old friend Mike DePaoli, a Stanford-educated lawyer, wrote this essay on the Electoral College, which confers as many legitimate Trump University…..

TO: THE ELECTORS OF THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE

I want to talk about your Constitutional, moral, social responsibility. Under our Constitution, it is not the voters who are charged with preserving our way of life, it is the Electors. Your job as an Elector is to preserve the unique American experiment in democracy. I am writing to ask you Electors to do your job with honor and honesty and rational thinking, devoid of any blind allegiance to disgusting party politics. 

The Constitution does not empower the States to bind your vote as an elector. You are free to vote for whomever you want. To the extent that your State has attempted to limit your choice, you should immediately hire a lawyer and seek an injunction in Federal Court to prevent your State from punishing you for exercising your Constitutional right to vote your conscience. 

The President is required to take this oath: “I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.” However, notwithstanding this upcoming oath, Trump has already indicated his intent to violate the freedom of religion under the First Amendment. Trump intends to target Muslims, and create new and different laws specifically for Muslims who want to enter the USA. This is a blatant violation of the freedom of religion. 

Trump has promised his intent to significantly increase the production and the burning of coal, oil, natural gas. In addition, Trump has promised his intent to eradicate the laws of the Environmental Protection Agency that regulate greenhouse gases. To the extent that ninety-nine percent of the reputable and qualified scientists are indeed correct about climate change and the burning of fossil fuels, then the destruction of our Earth will be on the heads of the Electors who put Trump into office. Do not destroy our planet. Do not vote for Trump. 

Trump on the campaign stated his plan to deal with ISIS as follows: ““I would bomb the shit out of them. I’d just bomb those suckers. And, that’s right, I’d blow up the pipes, I’d blow up the refineries, I’d blow up every single inch—there would be nothing left.” Any person who brags about bombing the shit out of people has no business, no right, no moral claim to be in charge of the nuclear arsenal of the USA. Given Trump’s seemingly pathological excitement about bombing people, of which he bragged about openly, every innocent death that results from Trump’s bombing missions will be on the heads of the Electors who put him into office. 

Trump also claimed that he knew more about ISIS than our military generals. Such delusion from a man who avoided the draft during the Vietnam War is entirely troubling, especially given his admitted excitement to bomb people. 

Trump has also promised to commit war crimes by torturing people in the form of waterboarding, and also by intentionally targeting the families of suspected terrorists. Please, you Electors, think for a moment. Just think. Is that how you want the great and powerful United States of America to behave? Do you really want to be the nation that targets and kills innocent children, spouses, and parents? Do you want to live in a nation that tortures people? If not, then do not cast your ballot for Trump. 

Trump wants to start a trade war with China. He wants to start a hot war with Iran. He wants to destroy our relationship with Mexico by building a wall. He wants to charge our allies for the help we provide. 

Both the Ku Klux Klan and Communist Russia are overly excited about Trump’s impending election victory. Russian politicians cheered. The Klan wants to hold a victory parade. Think about that, please. Does that tell you how un-American this whole thing has become? Here is a general observation that you should heed: When the Klan and the Communists both enthusiastically agree that a certain person should be President, such person should not be President. 

The Wall on the Mexican border would be a violation of the principles in the Declaration of Independence, wherein one of the reasons the United States revolted from the King of England was the King’s “obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither.” 

But, it gets worse. Trump is either an intentional or an unwitting Russian Communist mole. He praises Putin. He wants to bomb people alongside Putin. Trump has criticized NATO. Trump has criticized the United Nations. Trump praised the British exit of the European Union because he wants to weaken Europe, which in turn would help Russia. Trump’s first wife was born in a nation that entered the Warsaw Pact, and she grew up under the Warsaw Pact. Trump’s third and current wife was born and grew up in a Warsaw Pact nation. A Russian foreign minister admitted right after the election that the Russians were in contact with Trump during the election campaign. Indeed, Trump knew in advance that there might be a dump of stolen information about Secretary Hillary Clinton. Our Federal Government officials have determined that it was the Russians who hacked the emails of the Democratic National Committee. Trump’s former campaign manager had previously been a paid consultant to Ukraine’s President who was a Kremlin ally. The bottom line is that Trump is not going to come out and admit his true relationship with Russia, and anything Trump says would most likely be a lie consistent with his character, but there is enough information to raise probable cause. Your job as Electors is to protect the USA from the mere possibility of a communist mole gaining access to the nuclear codes. 

Yes, he has been called a pathological liar by his fellow Republicans. His list of lies is long, constant, and repeated often. 

He wants to terminate the health insurance for approximately twenty million people, many of whom might be sick, and some of whom might die without medical treatment, whose deaths would be on the heads of the electors who voted Trump into office. 

His entire campaign was a claim of anti-establishment, promising to bring new people to Washington, in order to end the alleged Washington corruption via new ideas. Yet, his transition team is filled with Washington insiders and lobbyists for the elite. Thus, the basis for his election victory was fraudulent. 

Trump has created a huge conflict of interest by having his children run his allegedly “blind” trust, but his children will also serve on the transition team that will select the people and policies for our government, thus giving the children the power to further Trump’s private economic interests via government action. 

Trump’s economic plan is to enact an immediate and significant tax cut. However, he also wants to spend huge amounts of money to build a huge border wall. And, he wants to pay for the arrests and the court appearances and the deportations of millions of people. And, he wants to increase spending on our military. The result of such runaway spending coupled with 

reduction in tax revenue would be economic devastation. We have experienced the trickle down theory before, and the ensuing economic collapse will happen, again. 

Indeed, Trump won the election by promising that he would create millions of jobs, which is an incredibly cruel promise to the people who believed him and voted for him. There will not be new jobs when the economy grinds to a halt. How are you Electors going to live with yourselves, after the fact, if you were to put a pathological liar into the White House whose economic policies are not supported by rational thinking but by selfish impulses? Seriously, Trump promised twenty-five million new jobs over the next decade and an economic growth rate of four percent, just like he promised that people would become wealthy if they enrolled in Trump University. 

Trump’s construction activities have stiffed the working stiffs. His “university” fooled people and cheated people. His orchestrated bankruptcies for his businesses have allowed him to reap wealthy paydays while leaving his creditors poor and out in the cold. And, we have no idea what kind of business conflicts he might have around the World, because he did not release his tax forms. 

The Constitution grants you Electors the moral right to stop a person like Trump from becoming President. This is it. This is now. We are on the brink. It is on your shoulders. It is up to you. Everything bad that could happen will be your fault. The question is simple: Will you Electors do your job and protect the United States of America? 

Michael Thomas DePaoli, author of numerous eBooks, including WHY YOU SHOULD NOT GO TO LAW SCHOOL, INVECTIVE, LOKI TRUMPET, and READ MORE POETRY.

 

Music 101

Death Or Glory

Them’s fighting words. The Clash are known, and rightly so, as one of the godfathers of punk, but they also produced some crazy catchy tunes. This song never charted because the masses are idiots, but you oughta know that by now.

Remote Patrol

Put down the clicker. Go outside. Look at SUPERMOON! Our favorite satellite won’t come this close again until 2034, and it’ll be full tonight, and who knows if this site will still be operating then, so who will remind you then?