by John Walters

Starting Five

Bahamian Flopsody*

*The judges will accept “Tor-so Close” and “Allyson Road” but don’t even think about putting “Miller Time” up there. Get that weak sh*t outta here.

Felix, Felix, Felix. Last night American Allyson Felix became the most decorated U.S. female track star with her seventh medal, but she probably does not feel great about it this morning. Felix, 30, lost out on a gold medal in what could be her final Olympic race by 7/100ths of a second. Shaunae Miller of the Bahamas dove for the finish line and Felix, who had made up serious ground on Miller in the final 100 meters, did not.

Miller’s time: 49.r4. Felix’s: 49.51.

There was nothing dirty or illegal about what Miller did. As Felix’s own teammate, Natasha Hastings, said afterward, “I did it myself twice this year. I dove [at the U.S. Olympic trials] for my spot here. And I did it in indoor nationals as well. You do what you’ve got to do to get over the line.”

If it was Felix’s final race, she departs the Olympics with four golds and three silvers. You may recall that she missed out on a spot in the 200 in Rio when she finished 1/100th of a second out of a berth.

Felix’s defeat at the end of the night meant that for the first time since Day 12 of the Olympics in Beijing back in 2008, an entire day of the Summer Olympics came and went without the USA winning a gold medal. What can we say: Donald, you’re right.

2. “Extreme Vetting”

You know, before yesterday, had I heard someone use the term “extreme vetting,” I’d instantly think of beloved Yorkshire healer James Herriot being elbow-deep in a cow’s rectum. But no: now it’s Donald Trump‘s pet term for how to decide who is allowed to enter the USA.

There’s nothing wrong with letting the INS and other agencies do their jobs. It’s just that discriminating against people is supposed to be counter to “our way of life” (a term I heard two different Trump surrogates use yesterday, although no one seems willing to explain exactly what that means), doesn’t it?

There’s one very simple doctrine that governs what “our way of life” means. It’s not about preferring the NFL to cricket or hamburgers to falafel or Kid Rock to Wiz Khalifa. It’s simple: obey the laws. Do that and you are welcome here. Don’t, and you’re not. That’s the essence of the U.S.A.

Then again, if Trump was suggesting that we deport the members of “Extreme,” I can get on board with that.

3. United States of Emma-rica

Congratulations to Crested Butte’s own Emma Coburn, one of the nicest athletes we know, for both winning the bronze medal in the women’s 3,000-meter steeplechase and setting the American record by three seconds—breaking her own mark—yesterday. Coburn becomes the first U.S. woman to win a medal in this event. We loved when Lewis Johnson wrapped up his track-side interview with her and she asked if it was okay to leave. Her parents raised her right.

4. Goodbye, Larry

So Comedy Central canceled The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore. And like, abruptly. This will be his last week.

I’ll admit that I didn’t watch it. After Wilmore’s abysmal performance at the White House Correspondents Dinner last spring, where he lost the room early and never recovered, it seemed that the clock was ticking. It didn’t help that he was the second-funniest black man on the dais that night, after POTUS.

Can America use a genuinely funny person to discuss matters of race in late night? Sure. Wilmore just didn’t seem to be pushing the right buttons. The better question becomes, With just under three months remaining until election day (I know, rest of the world, we tend to drag out our elections here), what does Comedy Central do with that vacant time slot? Does it attempt to persuade Jon Stewart to return? I doubt he would, but we’ll see.

5. Wall Tweet

Twitter (TWTR) stock on August 18, 2015: $29

TWTR stock on February 11, 2016: $13.91

TWTR stock yesterday: $21.10.

Yesterday the stock rose $1.32 and broke above $20 for the first time since early January. News that Twitter and Apple TV may be making a deal for streaming service of NFL games got Wall Street excited. Is Twitter finally out of the doldrums?

Remember, three summers ago you could buy Facebook (FB) for $24. Now it sells for $124, an increase of 400%.

Music 101 

I Hate U I Love U

This tune was released last March and peaked at No. 27 on the Billboard chart. It was No. 1 in Australia. Gnash is an L.A.-based DJ. Olivia O’Brien is from Thousand Oaks, Calif., and has resided in Napa. Soft-scrabble streets.

Remote Patrol

Olympics

NBC You Know The Drill

Now that she’s 38 years old, will Kerri Walsh-Jennings sense any change as she and partner April Ross-Rachel take the sand tonight against the top-seeded Brazilians in a semi? It’s also the final night for women’s gymnastics (floor exercises), the women’s 1500 meter final, and the men’s 10-K swim, which just sounds cruel. Also, women’s pole vaulting begins and we get our first look at Sandi Morris, previously profiled by this guy in Newsweek.