by John Walters
A belated happy 31st (yesterday) to the pride of the Bellas, Anna Kendrick. We’ll be singing “Titanium” in the shower. Alone.
Kinda funny that today—Aug. 10th—is Justin Theroux’s birthday because today MH is serving the leftovers. A few items from Monday, a few from yesterday. Next time we take a field trip to Montauk, we’ll find out where the free wifi is sooner.
Starting Five
1. When You Just Realized You’re 31 Years Old and You Still Only Have 19 Gold Medals
This was Monday evening, or two gold medals ago for Michael Phelps. He now owns 21 gold medals, which is not only the most for any Olympian, winter or summer, but if he were his own country, Phelps would be tied with Ethiopia in 40th place for most gold medals of all time.
Michael Phelps, then 22, meets Katie Ledecky, then 3. Phelps swam his first Olympic race when Ledecky was three.
Meanwhile, Katie Ledecky, a.k.a. “Gold Minor,” won gold last night, too. She is 14 for 14 all-time, in Olympics or World Championship or Pan Am Games finals as a swimmer. She now owns three golds, two from Rio.
2. Rio? Grand*
Simone Biles putting the finishing touch on her floor exercise
*Judges will also accept Au-Some, Gold-Fashioned
Let’s take a moment to savor/appreciate/acknowledge just how dominant the U.S.A. is over the greatest athletes from the rest of the world, after just five days. Team U.S.A. has the most gold medals (10; China is second, with 8) and more than 50% more overall medals than its next closest competitor, again China (27 to 17). China has four times as many citizens as the USA does.
Phelps. Ledecky. The women’s gymnastics team last night. More golds are on the way, too.
This isn’t a “rah rah” item. This is a, “Take the time to appreciate what these people are doing” item. The USA does win any more. All the time.
2. National Pas(Tebow)time
Will Tebow replace A-Rod on the Yankee roster come Saturday? Who wouldn’t be in favor of this?
Former Heisman Trophy winner and NFL playoff-game-winning QB Tim Tebow batted .494 in high school baseball. Rather than go Full Uncle Rico and spend all day talking about it, he’s announced that he will pursue a career in baseball. Good for him.
So what if Tebow, who turns 29 on Sunday, doesn’t make it? Why not try? It’s funny how many cynical tweeps also cite Rudy as a favorite movie of theirs. If you’re not going to be aspirational, what’s the point of even following or playing sports?
4. Shooting Off His Mouth
Oops, he did it again. You heard him. My new favorite drink is the “Donald Trump 2nd Amendment Joke:” an empty glass served with a last straw. Alas, it’s usually available again next week.
5. Out-Cast Members
Pharoah won’t be returning to Studio 8-H this fall….
After six seasons Taran Killam and Jay Pharoah are out as SNL cast members. I loved them both, and thought Killam was, before last year, SNL’s most valuable male player in skits. He didn’t seem to be as inspired last season, though, or as present. I wonder if losing out on being Trump to Darrell Hammond, who’s technically not in the cast, made him an unhappy camper. Still, I’m going to miss Jebediah Atkinson. I picture Jebediah being the one who informed Killam he was cut (don’t cry for Taran; he’s married to Cobie Smulders, so there’s a lot of syndication money to go around for a long, long time).
…nor will Taran Killam.
Fact is, Hammond does a better Trump.
Pharoah is maybe the most gifted impressionist SNL has ever had (Hammond included), but Dr. Ben Carson is a non-entity now and I guess Lorne didn’t feel he needed him. I really enjoyed Jay’s “Weekend Update” spots, where he just went from one black actor/rapper to the next rapid-fire. They were both funny and impressive.
I hear Lorne will give both Taran and Jay the start versus Tampa Bay on Friday night, so that’s nice.
Music 101
Sweet Talkin’ Woman vs. Do You Believe In Love
Our old and close friend, and my former fellow Dillon Hall R.A. Randy “Randall” McDonald (Notre Dame Lax man) celebrates his 25th wedding anniversary today (related: we’re old). Last week after we ran the Huey Lewis tune here, he pointed out how closely related it is to ELO’s “Sweet-Talking Woman” and that both songs even have the same opening lyrics. So, judge for yourself (Randy, this is as far as I’ll go to fete you and Kristen in this space: Do you really expect me to post a Southside Johnny song? C’mon!)
Remote Patrol
Olympics
All The NBCs All The Damn Day
Is it me or is NBC doing fewer features and am I seeing less of Mary Carillo these Games thus far? I love Mary Carillo (you know that already). Anyway, Phelps swims in a semi tonight, Ledecky in a medley final. At noon it’s US vs. Fiji in men’s rugby, and both USA hoops teams are on the hardwood tonight.
Last night was just A-MAZING! I screamed myself silly for Katie & Michael & ping-ponged between tense, proud, happy & teary for the BEST women’s gymnastics team in history. Martha (& Bela) Karolyi are not perfect & some may question their methods, but DAMN, separately (& at times together) they are responsible for almost every success that women’s gymnastics has EVER had in this country. When I was a kid, there basically was NO Team USA in gymnastics, we just didn’t come close to the level of the Soviets & Europeans. In fact, I don’t know if we even qualified a team for the Olympics until 1984 & by then, Bela & Martha were in the USA & training Mary Lou Retton – our 1st gymnastics star. And last night, Martha’s work culminated in a team for the ages. So prepared, so exceptional in difficulty & execution that other teams looked on in awe. However, unlike some countries’ past teams of joyless automatons, our young women looked thrilled for their own & each other’s achievements. It was spectacular.
And you didn’t think I’d forget to brag about my fellow MARYLANDERS did you? Legendary Ledecky & Michael the GOAT, doesn’t get any better than that! 🙂
The only negative of the night – having to endure the smarminess of Seacrest in the Late Night show. He is every bit as dreadful as I’d imagined he would be. Whichever NBC exec is responsible for this personnel choice should be FIRED. Or at least never be involved in the Olympic coverage EVER again.
And I don’t care if it would have cost Newsweek a few dollars, YOU should be there! Who the heck made THAT decision?!