by John Walters
A Medium Happy 30th to Megan Fox….
Starting Five
Joey Bats cocked the right arm back, and Odor came in with the short, effective jab to the jaw.
1.“Odor! Odor! Odor!”*
The judges will also accept “Fight Clubs” and “Lone Spar State”
Was it really seven months ago that Joey Bautista flipped a bat after a coup de grace home run against the Texas Rangers in the ALDS? Apparently so. Texas hasn’t forgotten (though they do seem to have forgotten that a litany of bonehead fielding errors allowed Bautista the opportunity to end them).
Rookie pitcher Matt Bush plunked Bautista in the ribs in the 7th 8th inning even though the Rangers only led by one run, but perhaps because this was the last time these two clubs will face each other in the regular season and maybe the last time Bautista would bat against them. Later, Bautista slid late into 2nd base while breaking up a double play, which Ranger 2nd baseman Rougned Odor did not appreciate.
The bout lasted shorter than Rousey-Holm. Odor shoved Bautista with both arms and when Joey Bats cocked his right arm to swing, Odor connected with a short right jab to the jaw as Ranger fans chanted “U-S-A! U-S-A!” It’s a wonder JB kept his feet. p.s. Hey, Donald, we do win anymore.
Red, White and Blue (and a little gray)
The questions now are, How will the Blue Jays retaliate and will Odor move up in weight class for his next bout?
Texas won.
2. Two Great Lakes, One Great Team
Kyle Lowry had an awful Game 1, but redeemed himself with a 35-point Game 7
It wasn’t all bad sports news for Toronto yesterday. The Raptors won their second Game 7 in two weeks, turning off the Heat by a 25-point margin to advance to the Eastern Conference finals against Cleveland. The Cavs have played 8 game in the playoffs, going 8-0. The Raptors have played 14, going 8-6.
So, yeah, it’s Lake Erie versus Lake Ontario.
3. It’s John Miller Time
Is this the John Miller who was on Trump’s mind when he came up with his nom de presse?
I’d agree that Donald Trump impersonating his own spokesman 25 years ago was “small potatoes” except that isn’t he the same guy who blathered on and on about a certain person not being born in the U.S. 50 years ago with absolutely no evidence to support his contrarian claim and was not about to accept 1) it was a long time ago and 2) what does it matter as acceptable responses?
So now the Washington Post has hoisted Trump by his own petard (there’ll be a lot of that coming this next few months) and he’s going the straight denial route. Which is like farting in an elevator when it’s just you and someone else and acting as if it weren’t you.
Or was it this Jon Miller?
Anyway, my guess it that the name “John Miller” comes from the man above (top of this item), who was a well-known New York City reporter at that time whom Donald could have, for all we know, been watching on TV at the time the People reporter phoned. If you haven’t listened to the tape, there’s a glorious part where she asks John Miller what p.r. firms he previously worked at (maybe she suspected he wasn’t John Miller) and he replies, “I worked for different firms. I worked for a couple of different firms.”
Worth noting: About two years later, a very close friend of mine at Sports Illustrated sat with The Donald at a boxing match in Atlantic City for a story he was doing on a boxing manager. Trump spent part of their conversation sharing his thoughts on the exquisite quality of his wife’s, Marla Maples‘, ass.
4. “You’re Fired!”*
*The judges will also accept “Burning Down the House Dothraki”
Mother of Dragons, Stormborn, Flame-Retardant….
On Game of Thrones, Daenerys Targaryen escapes her Real Widows of Dothraki fate by immolating her captors (with a little help from her friends). So that makes two major characters in the past three weeks, Daenerys and Jon Snow, who may have a little something in common. Hmmmm……
Meanwhile, we can begin to see an end-game setting up on GoT. It’s no longer just squabbling and feuding for the sake of it. The lone mystery remaining is where House Lannister will fit into it all. Have to love the reunion of two Stark siblings, and something should also tell you that they’ll be relying on their long-lost sister, “I am no one,” to help take down Ramsay Bolton*, the Worst Person in Westeros, in the future.
*Did you notice that he was skinning an apple throughout his scene? His motto: “Work hard, flay hard.”
Other thoughts: Nice to see Petyr Baelish back on the screen….Tormund was looking at Brienne as if he wants to ask her to the Castle Black Winter Formal….their offspring would be a D-I left tackle, no doubt…Alan Sepinwall called Tyrion the “Gerald Ford of Meereen,” because he was appointed leader by a rule who left town (dragon, helicopter, what’s the difference?)….I can’t remember the last time I saw a male actor cry as profusely as Alfie Allen (Theon Greyjoy). He’s good.
5. Pet Sounds Turns 50
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOMyS78o5YI
Is Pet Sounds, which was released 50 years ago today by the Beach Boys, the greatest album by an American band ever made? I think so. So extraordinary was this album, Brian Wilson’s attempt to match the wonders of The Beatles’ Revolver of the previous year, that it left John, Paul, George and Ringo gobsmacked and they went back into the studio and created Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band as their one-upping of this.
If you get a chance, see Love and Mercy, last year’s film that does a terrific job telling the story of how this album was made. “Wouldn’t It Be Nice,” “God Only Knows,” “Sloop John B,” “Caroline, No,” “I Know There’s An Answer,” etc. It’s a must-own album.
Music 101
Never Let You Go
This is what Chuck Taylor of Billboard magazine (and not of canvas high tops fame) wrote about this Third Eye Blind song, released in 2000 and climbing as high as 14: “…“packs in the hooks; a compelling opening guitar riff, a celebratory party ambience, an end-of-song spoken part that kids everywhere will be reciting ad-nauseam, and lead singer/writer/co-producer Stephan Jenkins‘ dead-on vocals, delivered in a pleasing falsetto at times.” Rumor has it that Jenkins wrote the song as an ode to his muse at the time, Charlize Theron.
“That girl is like a sunburn” is one of the better lines in a song of the past, well, ever….
Remote Patrol
Thunder at Warriors, Game 1
TNT 9 p.m.
Castle, Season (Series?) Finale
ABC 10 p.m.
As New York City detectives go, Beckett was no Fish or Sipowicz, but she was a lot easier on the eyes….
Who will fare worse tonight, Kate Beckett (Stana Katic) or Kevin Durant?
FYI, all the stuff in the Blue Jays-Rangers fight club went down in the 8th inning, not the 7th.
– Your Friendly Unofficial Editor
Let’s be clear about what happened on Sunday between the Jays and the Rangers:
1. Texas threatened Toronto with retaliation after Toronto defeated them in Game 5 of the ALDS. Seriously? It’s baseball, not a gang war.
2. In the 2015 ALDS, Toronto defeated Texas when a perfect pitch was thrown and Bautista hit it into the stands. Yeah, that’s gotta be tough for The Rangers, but that’s baseball. Breaks hearts all the time because there is always a winner and always a loser. And just for the record that was 7 months and 1 day ago.
3. Sunday, last time Texas will face Bautista in the 2016 regular season, and Bush sends a rocket into his ribs and that’s not ejection worthy? Bush had already been warned twice! Anyone really believe it wasn’t deliberate? More about Bush in a bit.
4. The Bat Flip. I know, everyone gets all worked up about The Bat Flip, especially, apparently, the moronic Rangers. But I invite you to read Jose Bautista’s piece about The Bat Flip from the Player’s Tribune, published last November. Before you judge Bautista, read it. And then we can talk about The Bat Flip: http://www.theplayerstribune.com/jose-bautista-bat-flip/
5. Now let’s talk Bush. It was the 30-year-old Texas rookie’s first major-league win two days after his debut – and 12 years after he was the No. 1 overall pick in the draft. That’s a long road to the majors! It’s a story I’m guessing Bush won’t be telling his grandkids about in years to come. Here’s why:
– Bush wasn’t on the team in 2015. Why? He was serving out the end of a 39-month sentence in Florida for a hit-and-run, injuring a 72-year-old man, knocking him off his motorcycle. He was accused of DUI and leaving the scene, and pleaded no contest.
– Bush was convicted in 2004 for felony assault and misdemeanour trespass.
– He was involved in another incident in ’09 in which he allegedly beat a high school lacrosse player with a golf club and then an incident in which he allegedly assaulted and screamed at a woman at a party that resulted in the Blue Jays releasing him in ’09.
Now Bush claims he is a new man, that after serving time, it won’t happen again. And yet, when he finally gets to The Bigs he proves he hasn’t changed a bit. Bottom line, the guy is a cowardly, violent, punk who the Jays got rid of. Might it be possible he has a beef with the Jays? Might it not be hard for some of the still bitter Rangers of 2015 to wind this guy up?
6. Now let’s talk about The Slide. Bautista admitted it was a hard slide. Last year that slide would have been fine. But new rules prevail. (Yeah Utley, you own part of this mess.) However, Bautista never or barely touched Odor. And Bautista would have been called out for that slide anyway. Here’s where I get confused. Does Odor really want to make a big deal about bad slides? Does he want to throw punches and fight for the moral high ground on this issue? Maybe, he’s just forgotten this play of last October: http://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2015/10/3/9446765/rangers-angels-odor-slide-disgusting
6. Post game, all Blue Jay players were available to the press and ready to comment. The same was not true of the Rangers. Bush said nothing and Odor didn’t show up. Bautista said: “I was pretty surprised, I mean, obviously, that’s the only reason that he got me and he got me pretty good, so I have to give him that. It takes a little bit bigger man to knock me down.” Meanwhile, Donaldson, who was also ejected, is still trying to figure out why: “I have no clue, I’ve had an opportunity to see the replay and I saw several people throwing punches. I didn’t even throw a punch. I went into the pile, but everybody was in the pile. Hopefully I’ll get word of actually why I was ejected.” I’m prepared to admit he might have been ejected for the way he wears his hair.
7. As to the crowd who started cheering, “USA, USA, USA,” I don’t even know what to say. But then again, most of the world has no idea what to say about the USA right now.
The only reason Joey Bats was surprised is because in Canada we drop our gloves before we throw punches.