by John Walters
A Medium Happy 65th to Max Weinberg, who’s had the best seat in rock ‘n roll for more than 40 years
Starting Five
It’s Ronaldo’s planet; we just sub in on it.
Cristiano the Redeemer
Real Madrid trailed Wolfsburg 2-0 in aggregate goals heading into yesterday’s second leg of they’re there their UEFA Champions League quarterfinal. Los Merengues would need 3 goals, at least, to advance to the next round. They got exactly that from Cristiano Ronaldo, who may be the best soccer player in the world (outside of Spain), in a 3-0 win.
Ronaldo scored on touch pass in the 16th minute, on a header off a corner kick in the 17th, and on a penalty kick outside the penalty box in the 77th. It was glorious. Real Madrid absolutely needed their leader to step up against the Germans—I mean, did any sports movie ever have a heavy that looked more beatable than Wolfsburg?—and he did.
The secret to CR7’s success is that he paralyzes defenders and keepers with his GQ cover handsomeness, and then moves in for the kill (it takes one to know one). I believe that’s his fifth hat trick in Champions League play. Most footballers would rightfully consider five goals in Champions League play a career achievement.
Madeira: Okay, twist our arms, we’ll hold the next staff retreat here.
One thing I love about Ronaldo, 31: he was born and raised on the tiny island of Madeira, which sits about 580 miles west of Morocco in the Atlantic Ocean. Greatness can come from anywhere.
2. Day of Mamba (Leave, Already!)
Note to Bill O’Reilly: He does not have tattoos all over his forehead
Facts on this, the day of the final game of Kobe Bryant’s 20-season Hall of Fame career:
50 Point Games, Career: Kobe 24, MJ 31, Wilt Chamberlain 118
Eight Players Who Have Won All-Star Game, NBA Finals* and Regular Season MVP Awards: Kobe, Michael Jordan, Shaquille O’Neal, LeBron James, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Tim Duncan and Willis Reed.
*The NBA Finals MVP award only began in 1969.
Has anyone caught more courtside Kobe in LA than Jack?
Most Points In a Single Game: Wilt, 100; Kobe, 81;
Games With at Least 44 Field Goal Attempts: Kobe, 5; MJ, 1; Chris Webber, 1 (numbers for players before 1983 were unavailable).
Players Who Played More Games AND Averaged More Points Per Game than Kobe: Karl Malone (1,476 and 25.02 to Kobe’s 1,346 and 24.97)
3. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Lonnnie!
The Grim Sleeper is suspected of committing at least 30 murders. Cuba Gooding, Jr., will play him in the FX movie.
This is Lonnie Franklin, alias “The Grim Sleeper.” He is on trial for killing 10 women, most of them in the 1980s, although other bodies began surfacing in the past 10 years. The retired detective who tracked him down, Dennis Kilcoyne, believes Franklin killed as many as 30 women.
Fascinating read here: How did the 800 Task Force catch Franklin? They arrested his son on a weapons charge in 2009 and noticed that the DNA matched the serial killer’s (the DNA evidence hadn’t been of an use to them in the 1980s.). Then they had a cop pose as a busboy at a pizzeria where Franklin’s family was having a family pizza party (he’s a married father of two who worked as a police mechanic and also drove a dump truck). The cop/bus boy took Franklin’s plate while theres was still some pizza crust on it and they obtained his DNA that way (so is that where Vince Gilligan got the idea for how Hank lifted Gus Fring‘s fingerprints in Breaking Bad?)
So how come we have not heard more about The Grim Sleeper before this week? Should I don my “liberal bias” cap and attest that maybe the fact that almost all the victims were poor black females had something to do with it? Either way, this sound like a modernized, African-American version of Devil In The White City: serial killer operating in a major American city just blocks from where a cultural phenomenon, in this case the LA. Lakers’ “Showtime” era, was taking place.
4. Chesapeake Bay Watch
The company has little, if anything, to do with the actual maritime area
I know, I know, I’m obsessed with the stock for Chesapeake Energy (CHK), an Oklahoma City-based energy (read: natural gas and fracking) company whose founder killed himself last month by driving head on into an overpass. But since the stock jumped SIXTY-ONE PERCENT between Friday’s close and yesterday’s close and since I’ve been nagging you to pay attention to it, I thought I’d revisit it here.
So, I went back and tracked the stock for six months, from Monday, October 12, to yesterday. And here’s a few things I found:
–6-month high: $8.87 (Oct. 12), 6-month low: :$1.50 (Feb. 8), yesterday: $6.05
–On 49 separate days, the stock fluctuated 10% or more in value on intraday trading. With most other stocks I follow, that happens about one day every three months.
–The stock has fluctuated at least 10% in value every single week in the past six months. including NINE times when it fluctuated more than 30% in value. If Apple rose or dropped 30% this week or any week, believe me, you’d hear all about it. The most dramatic change occurred in early March, when the stock soared 115% in one week.
–Looking at individual weeks, from Monday’s open to Friday’s close, CHK has dropped at least 10% EIGHT times (the worst, 38% in early February) and has jumped at least 10% SIX times (the best, 80% in early March).
Who doesn’t enjoy a photo of a panda every now and then? Yes, I’m panda’ing to your tastes.
The point of all this: It’s a volatile stock. And I wouldn’t suggest you short it (I’m not a shorter, unless it comes to supporting Frank), but if you just have the discipline to wait for it to drop, say, 20%, and then if you just have the nerve to wait out if it happens to continue dropping (and buy more) until it goes up again 20% or more, you can do very well with this stock.*
*The opinions expressed herein are only those of JDubs and do not reflect the opinion of Medium Happy LLC, Medium Happy Inc., Medium Happy 90210, or Medium Happy Hairston; even if they do, don’t blame us.
5. “I’ll Be at the Raqqa Comedy Hut Next Weekend…”
Hey, dude behind Bono: Wake up!
I know that Bono’s suggestion that combating ISIS with comedy is a soft target for “serious” critics, but his point is well-taken. Yesterday U2’s lead singer, who has accomplished far more in his life both artistically and philanthropically than anyone who will criticize him has, testified before a Congressional subcommittee (because who doesn’t want a photo op with Bono?) and said:
“Don’t laugh at me, but it’s like, you speak violence, you speak their language. But you laugh at them when they are goose-stepping down the street and it takes away their power. So I am suggesting that the Senate send in Amy Schumer and Chris Rock and Sacha Baron Cohen, thank you.”
Okay, sure, the two-drink minimum deal is not going to go over very well with the Muslim crowd, but the laughs are just waiting to be unearthed: “I just flew in from a no-fly zone, and boy are my arms dealers tired…”
Anyway, this all goes back to Uncle Ruslan (Boston Marathon bombers), who pointed out that his two nephews are “losers.” Just as ISIS are losers. Laugh at a loser to shame him, don’t engage him and allow him to feel as if he’s worthy of you. Of course, while you are laughing at him, you should also do everything you can to break into his iPhone.
Music 101
Enter Sandman
On August 17, 1991, Metallica blew the minds of an estimated 1.6 million fans in Moscow playing their signature hit. AC/DC, Motley Crue, the Black Crowes and Queensryche (“a source close to Queensryche”….that’s for you, Jeff B.) were also on the bill for this Monsters of Rock show. This song was released in 1991 and only made it to No. 18 on the Billboard singles chart, but as the band’s eponymous album, Metallica, sold 22 million copies, who was buying the single? At the time the album Metallica was released, drummer Lars Ulrich was the only member of the band who felt that this song should be the first single. He had to persuade his bandmates to come to his side. It has since become one of the most recognizable rock songs of all time.
Just drink in the size of that throng. Electric guitar is a universal language.
Remote Patrol
Atletico Madrid at FC Barcelona
2:45 p.m. FS 1
Grizzlies at Warriors
10:30 p.m. ESPN
Jazz at Lakers
10:30 p.m. ESPN2
Not only has Messi gone 362 match minutes since his last goal, he has now taken to blatantly hands-balling it during matches.
Messi, Curry, Kobe. Repeat after me: Messi, Curry, Kobe. The world’s greatest soccer player in a UEFA Champions League quarterfinal (Barca leads 2-1 in aggregate goals heading into the match), then the world’s greatest basketball player chasing a 73-win season (yes, I was wrong), and then the world’s greatest chucker playing his final game.
I hope SOMEBODY makes money in CHK because as a long term investor who 1st bought in 5-7 years ago (& continued to throw money in there the last few years as the share price continued to ‘dive, dive, dive!”), I am DEEP (as in “many rivers to cross” DEEP, as in “I can’t see the bottom” DEEP, as in “DEEP & WIDE oh, Lordy”) in the red. As I’m sure you’re aware, the fluctuation is because the company looked like just one more oil & gas entity knocking on bankruptcy’s door but then bankruptcy didn’t (at least not yet) invite it in. Swingtime begins! There was a big debt reprieve earlier this week, thus the big jump this time. Who knows if it will buy CHK enough time to wait on oil’s inevitable price march. (When OPEC has decided it’s finally done with not making enough moola & has bankrupted enough American interlopers, the price per barrel will suddenly skyrocket, Tesla or no Tesla).
I MAY check in on the Lakers game but I don’t know if I can stomach the fawning for newly minted Mr. Cuddles who either did not play due to injury or has just sucked due to age & loss of skills the last 3 YEARS. Meanwhile, Timmay plays on a championship contender (although I’m not real impressed with THEM the past week!) & is either as old or older than the snake I think.
And I’ll probably check in on the Dubs game, HOPING to see them either lose (Spieth, Titanic… it could happen!) or get exhausted in the game end celebration. Come on, after that owner crowed about how SPECIAL they are & will dominate the NBA for YEARS to come? The Karma Kneecapper awaits.
Hey Susie B., do you remember that one time Lebron and his gang went all, “not one, not two, not three…” Ah, the memories.
I actually wasn’t watching the NBA at the time &, er, if I HAD heard/seen that snippet, I would have rolled my eyes in disgust like the rest of the country outside of southern FL. But THAT was because I was BRAINWASHED by ESPN & the other media types that LBJ was somehow the antichrist because he wanted to change teams during free agency. (Yeah, ok, The Decision on TV was NOT a good choice, much like his playoff beards…).
And they DID go to 4 straight Finals & won TWO! Let’s see, what other teams have done that in the last 10 years. Much vaunted San Antonio? NOPE. The only time they got to even TWO straight Finals was when they devastatingly lost the 1st one against the Heat & sold their sold to the Devil to get back there & beat them the next year. I WROTE rightchere at the time that the Spurs would NOT get back to the Finals the next year (2015) & heck, they never even made it out of the 1st freaking round! Meanwhile, Sweet Pea changes teams (ahem, again) & takes a bunch of playoff virgins to the Finals where he then singlehandedly led every stat record and SHOULD have been voted MVP even though his team lost. He was Herculean!
Also, since when are things said at a PEP RALLY anything other than over-the-top optimism/excitement? It’s not like LBJ wrote something in, let’s say NEWSWEEK, declaring that the Dubs can’t possibly beat the 72-10 record. 😉
I’m just giving you a hard time, Susie. I hope Lebron enters his traditional playoff mode and gets to face Golden State in the finals. I’ll hold all thoughts until then (which is, what, 6 months?).
He entered “playoff mode” early this year! He’s been fantastic since the ‘Debacle on South Beach’ game. And hey, any day I can chat about/defend/praise LeBron James is a good day. 🙂
I actually like the lengthy NBA playoffs, it’s the regular season I think is too long (I’d chop 10-12 games). I do think the 1st round should just be best of 5 instead of 7 though.
And you’re pretty confident in your Dubs. (Um, did you watch Spieth last Sunday? Stuff can HAPPEN!) I guess I would be too if I was a Dubs fan, but your team’s owner has waved a red flag at the Karma gods & that’s not a good thing.
Are you not concerned about San Antonio? I’d been thinking they would give the Dubs a run for the money but after the last week, I don’t know. UNLESS Pop was sandbagging us. Wouldn’t put it past him.
They are certainly not my “Dubs.” I’m an impartial observer, wanting to see the best against the best.
As for San Antonio, I don’t think it is wise for anyone to write them off. They are, after all, the Spurs.
Joe Lacob seems like an intelligent man. And the band of basketball experts he has accumulated at Golden State is impressive. However, I am not one for saying he — or Silicon Valley — is revolutionizing the game. The Golden State Warriors can do what they do because Stephen Curry can do what he can do. Klay Thompson and Co. are very good players, but Curry simply does things the NBA has never seen before.
One last thing:
Just because I, or someone else, says Stephen Curry is a great player doesn’t mean Lebron James (or Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, Kwahi Leonard, etc.) are not either. We live in this convoluted world in which EVERYTHING has to be compared. The Warriors win 73 games. That’s freakin’ impressive. But, instead of just appreciating the great feat it is, everyone wants to compare it to the Bulls. Which team is better? Does it really matter? No. Same can be said on the individual level. People can denounce Lebron James and say he will never be as good as MJ, but it really doesn’t matter. LJ will retire someday, and there won’t be a player of the same elusiveness and size that he possesses. Russell Westbrook, plays at 100 mph game in and game out. Kevin Durant, can and will score at will. Etcetera.