by John Walters
A Medium Happy 24th to Abigail Blatchford, who is not an Si swimsuit rookie.
Starting Five
1. Permanent Waves
What’s Rule No. 1? You know what it is. Rule No. 1: Gravity always wins. So yesterday or a few days earlier physicists explained that they were able to sense gravitational waves from, I believe, the collision of two black holes a billion or so years ago light years away(Yeah, like one of us is going to disprove that within the next news cycle; Hey, I actually took Physics in college and aced it, unlike every other sportswriter you know; I don’t wanna hear your guff!), which props up Albert Einsteins’ Theory of Relativity.
Albert: “Tell me something I don’t know.”
I can picture Albert Einstein staring back from the infinite morass, saying, “It ain’t rocket science, boys. I ain’t no dummy.” Anyway, a bunch of mortal physicists validating Einstein’s work is like Jesse Pinkman looking at Mr. White and complimenting him on the purity of that last batch.
2. Catch It Like Beckham?
Odell’s younger cousin (right) is headed to Indianapolis for the Combine.
Until yesterday I would have thought that Eli Manning was the only New York Giant with an NFL-caliber relative. And then I was watching local news report on Terron Beckham, who is built like a brick ship house.
Interesting story (and I imagine there’s more beneath the surface). Terron is 23 and never played college football. But on the WCBS report I saw, they said that the 5’11”, 220-pound fitness trainer bench-pressed 225 pounds 42 times and had a standing vertical of 45″. The first number would be better than any running back last year at the NFL Combine and the second would tie the record. Terron is headed to the Combine next week and he’ll be a big story.
3. “Bruuuuuuuuuce!” “Booooooooooooook!”
This won’t be the first book written about Springsteen, just the first one written by Bruce.
They’re not booing, they’re saying, “Autobiography!”
“Sprung from pages out on Highway nine…” is how I’d open the tome, but I shouldn’t tell my fellow Monmouth County native how to write. Bruce Springsteen has been working on his autobiography for seven years (well, actually, if you listen to his lyrics, he’s been working on it since Greetings From Asbury Park) and now we know it will be released on September 27.
I’m looking forward to the book tour. “I saw Bruce at the Rochester Barnes & Noble! He read for three hours, then he came back and read for 40 more minutes!”
Comic Matt Goldich: “I hope this Springsteen book finally reveals whether or not he is from New Jersey.”
4. He Was A Day Tripper (Even If It Occurred at Night)
Matt Lawson was not given a yellow card for this move.
Haven’t we all daydreamed about doing this? A euphonium (I don’t know, either) player in the Scots Guard, Lance Sergeant Matt Lawson was on an early Valentine’s Day date with his wife when he heard shouts of “Stop! Police!” Lawson saw the 17 year-old assailant headed his way when at the last moment, he stuck out his right leg and tripped him. It was beautiful. Lawson, 37, should be signed by Sunderland later this week.
Lawson, middle, has a keen right leg.
5. Hawaii 19-3 (Which Is Not, Percentage-Wise, Superior to 5-0, But They’ll Take It)
6’11” Stefan Jankovic, a Serbian native who transferred from Mizzou, leads the Rainbow Warriors in scoring, rebounding and blocked shots (he is not to be confused with the RW’s other 6-11 center, Stefan Jovanovic, though we could see why you might).
I was all set to do this item on how the three East Bay teams–Golden State, Cal, and ST. Mary’s—are undefeated at home last night after Cal easily handled No. 11 Oregon 83-63. That put their combined home mark at 54-0. I went to bed and of course the Gaels lost at home to unranked Pepperdine, 69-63, to sully the unbeaten streak.
Then I looked farther west, to Honolulu. Do you realize that Hawaii is 19-3 and that one of the Rainbow Warriors’ three losses is to Oklahoma? Last night Hawaii ravaged UC-Irvine, the second-best team in its conference, the Big West, 74-52. Coincidentally, their leading scorer last night with 23 points was Roderick Bobbitt, who is from the East Bay (Oakland).
In case you were wondering, the Rainbow Warriors have been to the NCAA Tournament four times (2002, 2001, 1994, 1972) but have yet to win a game.
Music 101
Shout It Out Loud
I’m just a foot soldier in the KISS ARMY, but this is one of my favorite songs from the band. Both Paul and Gene get vocals, and it has a typical anthemic mantra. KISS is never trying to rewrite “Bohemian Rhapsody,” which I love about them. KISS’s second-ever single, it reached No. 31 in the USA but climbed all the way to No. 1 in Canada. This has long been one of the most oft-played songs on KISS tours, and why not?
Remote Patrol
Sunday Night
Casablanca
8 p.m. TCM
History of the Eagles, Parts I & II
8 p.m. CNN
NBA All-Star Game
8:30 p.m. TBS
“Play it, Sam. Play ‘As Time Goes By.'” That’s the line.
What the hell, NBA? 8:30 p.m tip-off on a school night? You really don’t care, do you? Listen, if you have not seen Casablanca, like, ever, do yourself a favor and watch it. A witty script, a suspenseful love story, Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman and Nazis! Also, flip back and forth to watch the love-hate fest that was the Eagles. It’s a good night to hunker down with the clicker.
PayPal Blessings: MH staff accepts donations at TrumanSparks88@gmail.com
Don’t kids have off for ‘President’s Day’?
I’ll never understand why that misremembered line is considered the most famous from ‘Casablanca’! There are FAR better lines – “Round up the usual suspects”, “I was misinformed”, “Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship”, & my ab-fave “I’m shocked, SHOCKED to find that gambling is going on in here!” Classics all.
And sure, this is your site & you can post whatever you want (blah, blah, blah), but I have NO idea who that “woman” is in your top(heavy) birthday photo & if I wanted to see such pics I’d go scroll down SI’s stupid website. Why SPORTS websites insist on posting blatant sexist photos day after day, I mean for god sake, do men have the attention span of a GNAT? What’s the thinking there – men like sports & WANT to read about sports but OMG to keep them on that site for more than 30 SECONDS they need to show T&A every damn day?! Do YOU, yes YOU, JOHN WALTERS, have ANY IDEA how demeaning, insulting, & most of all just damn IRRITATING for women to see that crap day after day? Sorry, just had to get that off my….CHEST. Please return to your program.
And yet, the glee when I posted the Mark Spitz poster, which I think you had on your wall once? Harrumph, harrumph, Susie B.
p.s. MH sponsor focus groups are highly in favor of such pics.
I was 12 when I had that poster on my bedroom door. (I actually enjoyed getting the SI Swimsuit issue at the time to see all the new SWIMSUITS too, yep, they were actually WEARING swimsuits in that ‘special issue’ back then). Plus, Spitz was wearing a swimsuit in the poster, the SAME suit in which he competed & won those 7 Gold medals. Hardly the same as a BOOB shot of a woman.
Later last Friday night, when thinking back over what I had ranted, I thought for sure you’d mention my adoration (including, er, lust) of all things Sweet Pea. And perhaps that deserves a “harrumph!”. BUT, I’m a fan of what he does on the court more than his spectacular body & big, brown soulful eyes. (Thinking, thinking). And sure, I keep clamoring for MORE LeBron photos, but it’s not like I’m asking for anything you can’t show to grade school kids. There IS a difference.
You & this site are FAR from the worst offenders of gratuitous ‘female flesh’ shots, but I guess that pic above of the unknown cleavage was a ‘double d’ too far. I snapped. Much like her bras must do on a regular basis. It’s just day after damn day on EVERY sports website, there they are. And on the Dan Patrick TV show. Endless pics of barely dressed women that have NOTHING to do with the sports or pop culture being discussed. If women were not still overvalued for their looks & undervalued for their brains in our society, maybe it wouldn’t irritate as much but they are & it does.
You may be wondering why I haven’t bitched at SI &/or other offending sites & I have over the years, but emailing SI for ANYTHING is like pissing in the wind. And even though I still subscribe to the mag, I usually now only go to a few articles on the website directly from Deitsch’s twitter (& I avoid the main screen entirely).
This is one of the few websites I go to on a daily basis & as you know, I love your writing & especially your humor, so I plan to keep visiting until you stop (horrors!) or you kick me out. 🙂
Solid pic, bro.
Focus Group Sponsor
How did you not title #5 “All the Right Moves”?