by John Walters
Model Lindsay Ellingson turns 31, reminding us of a famous line from Potsie upon seeing nude Pygmies in a National Geographic: “I’d love to see HER in a cashmere sweater!”
Starting Five
1. Andre the Giant Rebounder
Perhaps we need to stop saying, “Don’t forget about Andre Drummond.” The Pistons’ fourth-year low-post player is averaging 19.1 points and 18.9 rebounds per game. And though we are only a dozen or so games in, we’ll note that the last player to average more boards than that over the course of a season was Wilt Chamberlain in 1971-72. The last one to average even 16 per game over an entire season was a former Piston, Dennis Rodman of the Bulls, in 1996-97.
Drummond was selected 9th overall by Detroit in 212.
2. Like What Through a Who?
You have to love that November SEC bye week FCS opponent week. It sure does loosen up the coaches. Here’s Nick Saban cautioning the local media not to take Charleston Southern, which is 9-1 after all, lightly.
It gets really salty at about the 1:00 mark (reminder: it was an innocent enough question), but just so you have the quote, Coach Saban says, “I don’t think you remember Georgia Southern…and they run through our ass like shit through a tin horn, man.”
My favorite reaction to this came from longtime Tide chronicler Cecil Hurt, who opined, “That’s it. Georgia Southern should just put that quote on the cover of its 2016 media guide.” Spencer Hall noted, correctly, that Coach has such a natural comfort with casual profanity.
3. The Fighting Sous Chefs?
Wonderful article in the New York Times about how intercollegiate athletics is now a thing at the Culinary Institute of America. This is a sportswriter’s (and editor’s) dream. The campus is located just 90 minutes or so up the Hudson River line (yes, that’s an actual thing, Billy Joel fans), the athletes will be extremely approachable and friendly, and you get to toss in a bouillabaisse of bad puns and cooking metaphors (while making sure you spell bouillabaisse properly).
By the way, the mascot name is the Steels, which are tools for sharpening knives. Keep this story idea on a low flame. Add salt.
4. The Warren Report
Warren Beatty, the Sixties’ answer to Jake Gyllenhaal, right down to the actress sister
For decades no one knew exactly whom Carly Simon was singing when she crooned, “You’re so vain/You probably think this song is about you.” I’ll admit, I occasionally put down my trusty brush long enough to wonder if it were about me, but then I remembered I was six years old when she released it in 1972.
For years people thought it might have been about her ex, James Taylor. Turns out, and Carly just confirmed it, that it was about arguably the vainest man in Hollywood…. Ta-Da!….Warren Beatty.
The two had a fling. So, you can rest easy tonight, Burt Reynolds.
By the way….great song, no?
5. “I’ll Take ‘Petulant Podcast Pundits’ for $400, Alex”
Klosterman has now interviewed Taylor Swift and Tom Brady in the past three months.
“This best-selling sports-and-pop-culture author recently interviewed Tom Brady for GQ magazine and peppered him with a dozen consecutive questions about DeflateGate, all of which Super Pat politely declined to answer.”
Who is, Chuck Klosterman?
“Correct.”
I’ll take ‘Petulant Podcast Pundits’ for $600.
“This one-man sports empire got a chance to sit down with the President of the United States of America for one hour, also for GQ, but then got a little pissy when his former employer wrote an item about the interview, provided a link and mentioned GQ, but not him. He tweeted, ‘Stay classy, ESPN.'”
Who is, Bill Simmons?
Music 101
Bottle Rocket
I bought The Go! Team disc “Thunder Lightning Strike” after reading a glowing review in Rolling Stone. This 2004 tune illustrates the power of sampling (uses “Soul Time” by Shirley Ellis). My favorite part of the tune comes at about 1:22 and continues for the next 20 seconds or so.
Remote Patrol
Warriors at Clippers
TNT 10:30 p.m.
We’re all in love with Stephen Curry. And we should be. GSW is 12-0, leads the NBA in scoring at 33.7 points per game, and does mash-ups of songs from Frozen with his adorable wife. Even his “This is SportsCenter” ad with dad and brother is cool.
His scarf, it was apricot.
Per today’s BBC News, Carly Simon had this to say about the subject of “You’re So Vain”: “I have confirmed that the second verse is Warren”, but she said the other verses refer to two other men.
70-year-old Carly also said she doubts she will ever name the other men.
“I don’t think so, at least until they know it’s about them.”
Asked if Beatty knew about his role in the song, she said “Warren thinks the whole thing is about him!” Irony. Noted.
It sort of feels that if you think “You’re So Vain” is about you, it is. Now where’s my brush?
Will the players at the Culinary Institute prepare their own pregame meal?
Could it be the first time the pregame meal is critiqued by the players?
He could have just tweeted – Simmons : 1, Skipper : 0. EXCEPT, that’s not technically true, it’s more like Simmons : 1, Skipper : -500. Let’s reminisce over the past year’s “accomplishments” of Skipper the, er, skipper of ESPN – he either personally let go or oversaw the letting go of Bill Simmons, Keith Olbermann, Colin Cowherd, the Grantland website, & 300 or so producers/writers/other staff, some who had worked at ESPN for 15-25 years & by most accounts, did their jobs fabulously but were now suddenly judged, um, obsolete or just too “experienced” (i.e. OLD) & thus too “expensive”? Meanwhile, the past year (under Skipper the skipper) has seen the increased focus & elevation of one SAS, a so-called professional media member who THREATENED an NBA player on TV (was SAS suspended for this jaw-dropping infantile behavior? Why, of COURSE NOT) & the continued employment & elevation of a former NFL player & current blowhard who tells EVERYONE how they should live their lives the “RIGHT WAY” & who was recorded/taped saying to all the new rookies of his old sport t0 “have a FALL GUY” when they get into trouble (was this man suspended for this stultifying & stupifying ‘advice’? Why, of COURSE NOT). It has also recently come to light that the latter had an affair with a married make-up artist at ESPN a few years ago. I do not know if he himself was married at the time but you have to wonder – who was his “FALL GUY”?
I’m assuming Carly Simon has never met Cris Carter, Stephen A. Smith or Skip Bayless or she’d have a new hit single on the radio right now…
Anyhoo, no opinion on McHale’s firing? I didn’t think much of Dwight Howard or James Harden before but now my feelings have, er, ‘hardened’ even more. Wasn’t this team in May’s Western Conference Finals? Wasn’t the Head Coach at the time Kevin McHale? WTF?
I have never heard the saying “like shit thru a tin horn”. Is this a Bama thing? A male thing or just a Saban thing? What exactly IS a “tin horn”?
And FTW, I don’t throw MY love around as easily as, ahem, some apparently do. Sure, I LIKE Steph Curry & think he’s a wizard shooting the damn basketball. But, he ain’t no Sweet Pea! 🙂
To be clear, nothing I could offer about the CIA (“We’d tap that”) would come close to the beauty that is “Fighting Sous Chefs.”
But since you asked, is the leadoff guy on their baseball team still a tablesetter? Is a typical academic load a three-course semester?
I like the near play on words with that shot of the court that reads “CIA Steels” – probably more close to the truth than we know, am I right?