by John Walters

Happy Birthday to the late Hedy Lamarr, the Rena Sofer of her age. Not only was she a Hollywood siren, but Lamarr and a neighbor received a patent for a frequency-hopping system that they developed during World War II that was basically the antecedent of Wi Fi and Bluetooth. 

Starting Five

1. Crazy College Football Finishes (Cont.)

We really don’t deserve this, college football. You’re too kind. After The Punt in Ann Arbor and Son of Kick Six in Atlanta and See No Evil, Flag No Evil in Durham, now we get not one but two nutty finishes this week.

The first, in Oxford. With Ole Miss leading Arkansas 52-45 in overtime, the Mach3backs face a 4th-and-25 from the 40. The following ensues. That’s No. 84, tight end Hunter Henry, who threw the first Hail Mary Lateral I can remember seeing, and that’s running Alex Collins who brings it home.

What may be lost to history: 1) Collins fumbled at the end of his run, but a teammate recovered it, and 2) After the Soooey Pigs scored to make it 52-51, quarterback Brandon Allen appeared to be sacked on the 2-point conversion, but the Rebel defender who tackled him, Marquis Haynes, was flagged for a facemark (the right call, alas). Allen, who threw for 442 yards and six touchdowns, ran it in himself on the next play for the victory.

The second finish, though more conventional, was more cataclysmic, at least if you are a fan of Sparty. Nebraska completes a game-winning TD pass against Michigan State with :17 left even though the receiver, Brandon Reilly, clearly was out of bounds before he caught the pass inbounds and clearly was not pushed out. Even the announcers caught that Reilly was out as the play was happening. And I just don’t understand why video review could not overturn this.

Here’s what Big Ten Coordinator of Officials Bill Carollo said by way of explanation: “They can’t review whether it was a force out/contact on the play. They can only review if there was clear evidence of no contact and he (Reilly) re-established himself in the field of play. If he goes out of bounds on his own with no contact, it’s an illegal touch. Therefore the call stood.”

I’ve read that five times and still have no clue what Carollo is saying. Technically, I refer to this as ‘mumbo jumbo.’

2. Will There Be A (nother) Missouri Compromise?

Racial tension at the University of Missouri…a black grad student, Jonathan Butler, decides to go on a hunger strike until university prez Tim Wolfe resigns…black members of the football team decide to go on strike (as opposed to the Mizzou offense, which has been on strike most of the season) and coach Gary Pinkel respects their stand, calling off all football activities yesterday… other members of the Mizzou team not on board with this…I guess what I’m trying to say is take BYU minus the points next Saturday night in Kansas City, where they’ll meet (a certain irony in the whitest football team you can imagine being Mizzou’s opponent this week, no?).

Meanwhile, an unidentified white player on Mizzou’s 4-5 team told ESPN’s Brett McMurphy, “Half the team — players and coaches — are pissed (about the strike). If we were 9-0, this wouldn’t be happening.”

Eggs-actly. Racism? Bad (wow, what a bold stand by me). But I don’t know enough about the sitch to say whether Wolfe deserves the blame for the conditions on campus, or even whether they are isolated incidents in a state that’s dealt with so much racial strife in the past 13 months (incited by the Michael Brown death, where there were no angels or innocents on either side).

Jonathan Butler went all in on with a pair of 7s, it feels like, and now we see that Wolfe has called his bluff. So how far do you want to take this hunger strike? And who’s to say whether the players who are striking are being courageous or selfish?

3. Reply to Prince Oseph 

I believe I recall reading an article in which Bill Hader told the writer that he’d had a movie idea about responding to an email about a Nigerian prince offering “millions in currency” and that the joke was it happened to be a legitimate offer. With that as your subtext, the new iPhone ad starring Hader has an extra degree of fun.

You know what else is awesome? Only a year ago Hader was doing ads for T-Mobile and taking sh*t from Jonah Hill at a comedy roast for “leaving SNL and landing an endorsement deal with America’s 4th-largest mobile phone carrier.” Now he’s doing ads for Tim Cook. How do you like me now, Jonah?

Simple idea, a ruse that everyone on the internet is familiar with, and a wonderfully gullible lead character chomping on a monster sammich. Funnier in :30 than any sketch SNL has done this season.

4. Donald Ducks Controversy

What’s worse than SNL being offensive? SNL being boring, which is the word we got about Saturday night’s episode with Donald Trump as host. Maybe Lorne Michaels should invite Ben Carson on to “make America great again.” You wouldn’t even have to give him a script. Just let Dr. Carson start talking. Besides, Carsons on NBC late night have a pretty decent track record, no?

5. Where In The World?

Friday’s Answer: Muscat Gate Museum, Oman

Music 101

Nobody Does It Better

Moving on to another theme week at Medium Happy: “James Bond Week.” Is this the best  Bond song? Gotta be in the Top 5: Those are the trenchant vocals of Carly Simon, who ruled the early- to mid-Seventies. This 1977 tune from the film The Spy Who Loved Me, starring Roger Moore, was nominated for an Oscar for Best Original Song.

Remote Patrol

World Series of Poker

ESPN2 8 p.m.

We’ve reached the “November 9,” the final table of the Main Event, No-Limit Texas Hold ‘Em, at the WSOP. This year’s odd wrinkle? The chip leader is an unassuming, affable guy that you’d actually enjoy sitting with at a poker table. Joe McKeehen held 57% of all the chips heading into last night’s play, in which the field was slimmed from 9 to 6. Tonight they’ll get it down to a final 2 players, as long as that takes. My dark horse: A youngster from South Jersey named Thomas Cannuli who looks like a young hit man. Scary intensity, but an instinctive player.