by John Walters
Pretty Woman turns 48. Happy Birthday!
Starting Five
With three hitless innings of relief, Chris Young becomes the tallest Princeton alum ever to win a World Series game (I did not fact-check that)
1. National Past-My-Bedtime
When Game 1 of the World Series began last night, not a single NBA team had completed a game in the 2015-16 season. By the time it ended, 14 innings or 5 hours and 9 minutes later, the Cavs were in last place and Steph Curry had already raced to the front of the MVP conversation with a 40-point performance.
Rudy Martzke-inspired “Dreaded Glitch:” Where were you when Joe Buck’s promo for The Grinder led to a blackout and then a Gehrig-for-Pipp exchange as Matt Vasgersian and John Smoltz’s international feed stepped in?
2. And That’s Only Game 1
Colon, 42, could easily have gone 42 innings. No one disputes this.
Power Outage? Check.
Tom Verducci making 2 or more pop culture references, not all of them seamless? Check (The Beatles and Elvis).
Pitcher pitching without knowing his father died while most everyone on Twitter did? Check.
Asking Lo Cain, who had never successfully sacrifice bunted, to bunt in the 8th inning? Check.
Piers Morgan asking on Twitter why it’s called the World Series when only North American teams can win it? I don’t know, why don’t you ask your pal Donald why it’s called Miss Universe, check.
A game that accurately draws references to Babe Ruth (first pitcher to win a 14-inning World Series contest, in 1916) and Bill Buckner (last first baseman to make an error leading to a go-ahead run in the 8th inning or later)? Check.
An inside-the-park- home run? Check.
An outside-the-park home run? Check.
Joe Torre sighting? Check.
Bartolo Colon sighting and all the attendant jokes (“I can’t believe someone has let him play all these years with an allergic reaction”)? Check.
A tangential Jeff Bradley reference (brother of Scott, who was mentioned)? Check.
The Three Six Mafia, or their doppelgängers, sitting/standing in the front row behind home plate? Check.
Marlins Man? Check.
A fan in a neon green shirt making a splendid snag of a screaming liner foul ball? Check.
Erin Andrews’ voice becoming even more nasally after midnight? Check.
Joe Buck making a joke about FOX’s power problem (“We’ve got plenty of quarters for the generator, we can go all night”)? Check.
Ben Zobrist continuously ripping screaming liners to right and right-center? Check.
Eric Hosmer being the goat? Check.
Game-tying home run in the bottom of the ninth? Alex Gordon, check.
Bill Simmons, on Twitter, offering Joe Buck $500 to ask A-Rod if he feels a kinship to Bartolo since both were busted for PEDs? Check.
Eric Hosmer being the hero? Check.
3. Kill Retires
It’s also Lauren “So you’re saying there’s a chance?” Holly’s birthday today. Sorry, Jerry.
Minnesota Golden Gopher Jerry Kill, 54, retires not one week after Minnesota Timberwolves basketball coach Flip Saunders, 60, dies of complications related to cancer treat. There’s handwriting, and theres’ the wall.
Kill suffers from epilepsy, as you know, and has suffered a pair of sideline seizures in his tenure with Minnesota. He’s done a solid job with that Big Ten team. Associate head coach Tracy Claeys will take over with Michigan, coming off a bye week and still chapped about the MSU loss, coming to town.
4. Dear, Abby
Just one day after the premiere of Supergirl, another super girl bids adieu
The leading goal scorer in the history of international soccer, Abby Wambach, retires. Wambach, no relation to Judge Wambach from Picket Fences (so many Lauren Holly references in one post), scored 184 goals, 77 of them on headers alone. The 35 year-old has 252 caps since making her international debut in 2001 and The Guardian referred to her as “talismanic,” which does not mean that she hails from an island just off the coast of Australia (I think it means “provoking a remarkable or powerful influence on others, not unlike Skip Bayless”).
5. Where In The World?
Hint: in North America
Yesterday: Looking out onto the Atlantic from the Rua Augusta Arch in Lisbon.
Here’s an alternate view:
Music 101
Young Girl
Is this 1968 classic from Gary Puckett and the Union Gap on Jared Fogle’s playlist? Oh, sure, like the same thought didn’t occur to you? Subject matter notwithstanding, Puckett has an outstanding voice. I’m sure I listened to this tune a thousand times in the back of the wood-paneled station wagon as a lad without having the slightest clue what it was about.
Two items: 1) The song climbed to No. 2 for 3 weeks, but could not overtake Otis Redding’s “Sittin’ On the Dock of the Bay.” 2) Puckett was born in Hibbing, Minnesota, in 1942, or 10 months after fellow Hibbing native Bob Dylan.
Remote Patrol
GOP Debate No. 3
CNBC 8 p.m.
World Series Game 2
FOX 8 p.m.
Do you go with “Heeeeere’s Johnny” or with Carson?
In the polls, at least. Ben Carson, M.D., is your current leader. It’s a CNBC-staged debate, so if there is not a lightning round, I’m going to be disappointed. Jacob deGrom against Johnny Cueto is the mane attraction in K.C.
Every year I celebrate Julia R’s birthday, because I am so happy she is older than I am. It’s the only thing I’ve got on her.
“Hello, everybody, this is your action news reporter with all the news
that is news across CAVS NATION, off-off-scene at susie b’s sofa. There
seems to have been a basketball game on the T-V. Pardon me, Ms, did you see
what happened?
(Witness):
Yeah, I did. I’s sittin’ over here surrounded by my S.I. mag-a-zines, and there he
was, running up the court, HEAD NEKKID AS A JAY BIRD. And I hollered “OH NO! Don’t look, Sooze!” But it’s too late, I’d already been incensed.
(Chorus)
Here he comes, look at that, look at that
There he goes, look at that, look at that
And he ain’t wearin’ NO HEADBAND
Oh, yes, they call him the KING
Look at that, look at that
Handsomest thing on two feet
Look at that, look at that
He’s just as proud as he can be
Of his game & anatomy
He goin’ give us a peek.”
Summation : No headband. Cavs lost. By 2. Connection or coincidence? 😉
At LEAST it was better than last year’s opener!
Also, I was very sad but not shocked to read of Abby’s retirement yesterday. I would have loved seeing her play in another Olympics but tis not to be. I wonder if she’ll get into TV – I think she’d be great. In fact, I think she could become a multi-sport TV commenter as she’s smart, funny & has a personality that oozes likeability. Unless ESPN snaps her up ASAP, I think she WILL be at Rio – commenting on the women’s soccer for NBC.
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