by John Walters
Happy Birthday to HUGH! He turns 55 today. “Ohh, Mr. Graaaaaaant!”
Starting Five
Serena is just now two wins away from a Grand Slam
1. Sister Act 27
Last night at the U.S. Open, in an event that had to be at least partially scripted, Serena Williams, 33, took down big sister Venus, 35, in three sets: 6-2, 1-6 (you take this), 6-3. Next up: Roberta Vinci, 32, whom you can blame for depriving us of at least one more hour of Kristina Mladenovic on our TV screens this week due to her three-set win yesterday afternoon.
Mladenovic: Does she earn more in endorsements than Serena, also?
Serena is now two wins away from a Grand Slam — the first in 27 years — and most likely one win away from a final against Simona Halep. If Serena wins and loses out on SI Sportsman of the Year to American Pharoah, I believe my online friend Bomani Jones’s head will exploded. The only thins worse would be if they named them Co-Sportsmen of the Year and made them pose together on the cover (inducing laughing fits on my couch).
Trump kissed Superbrat’s hand. Just a couple of kings from Queens (behaving like queens?)
By the way, Serena is now 16-11 lifetime versus Venus.
2. Make-Up Call
And all this time Goodell was Petyr Baelish. My buddy Adam Duerson conceived this cover, and he was right on the money.
So…wait. Just as NFL commissioner Roger Goodell agrees to a modified ESPN car wash (“Mike & Mike,” “Lebatard”), ESPN drops the most illuminating story on the “Swinging -gate” fiasco yet? Whaaaaaaat? Norby, was that you?
A few thoughts: Isn’t this expressly the type of journalism SI or MMQB should have been doing? Why did ESPN, which is purportedly eating fondue in bed with the Shield, break this delicious story?
Also: Can we now not say that Charlie Weis earned his Notre Dame job under false pretenses? Can we wonder if Weis was having videographers do the same thing while in South Bend? Can we ask whether the school paying him $18 million AFTER firing him in 2009 and through this December is simply white-collar crime? And just how awful of an alum does this make him?
Finally, has Bill Simmons lost his mind? Mocking every team that lost a meaningful game to the Pats as using all of that cheating as their excuse? Is that really the most important point here, Bill? Do you raise your children with that mouth?
3. He Really Is America (And So Can You!)
I missed the premiere of Stephen Colbert on Late Show, but I think the above video is all you’ll need to remember. Pretty solid idea, although this is no way to win over the “West of the Rockies” demo. Nothing from the Grand Canyon? Vegas? Standing next to the Hollywood sign?
Here’s your New York Times review of the entire episode….
4. Rooney, More a‘
Rooney striking the record breaker
My favorite tweet of yesterday (sorry I cannot remember its author): “You’ll always forget where you were when Wayne Rooney scored his 50th goal for England.”
With a goal in the 84th minute of a 2-0 win versus Switzerland on a penalty kick (this footage was actually shot from David Beckham himself — why are his seats so poor?) Rooney became the all-time leading goal scorer in England’s history, surpassing the legendary Bobby Charlton. And he did so before the age of 30 and after only just one hair transplant. He’ll one day surpass Charlton as the all-time goal scorer for Manchester United, too.
And yet Rooney has always been an A-Rod figure of sorts in England. A star-crossed star. Charlton, after all, led the Lions to a World Cup win in 1966. Rooney’s England teams have always underachieved at the World Cup.
5. A True Burning Man
A record number of people attended this year’s event in Santa Fe…
Only three weeks after I moved to Santa Fe for a one-year stay back in 1989, I was invited to Zozobra. It is the true “burning man” festival and it belongs on your Americana bucket list (as does Santa Fe, one of the true under-the-radar gems in America; let’s hope New Mexico never lands a pro sports team).
Last week’s event drew a record-crowd of 48,000, despite rains. It’s just a one-night event annually on the first Friday of September, but apparently word is getting out.
Music 101
Hot ‘n Cold
Dedicating today’s tune to the Dow Jones Industrial Average, which as CNBC host/terrific Twitter follow Carl Quintanilla points out was DOWN 540 points and this week is UP 520 points. Those are some serious mood swings of the VIX (Volatility Index). This was Katy Perry’s breakout hit and it was released on THIS DAY seven years ago. Katy Perry is the Roz to Taylor Swift’s Sandy.
Remote Patrol
The Thomas Crown Affair
HBO 9 p.m.
A few things you should know: 1) Your girlfriend/wife would leave you for Sting in a heartbeat. She just would. Now, if she’d leave you for Andy Summers, then you’ve got problems. 2) An inordinately high number of women over the age of 40 think this is about the sexiest film out there. Pierce Brosnan is more 007 here than he ever was as James Bond. And Rene Russo, well, she’s an uber-cougar. It’s a remake, but they may have outdone the original (with Steve McQueen and Faye Dunaway). Now, as for Stewart Copeland…
I watched the Ohio State-VA Tech game last night (not on BTN but local Comcast Sports channel) & while I’m super happy for the win & think the team did very well overall, there were definitely some problems that one would never know going by the media headlines yesterday. The 2nd quarter was TERRIBLE! Sloppy play, defensive lapses, turn-overs, looked to me that they lost focus after getting up so quickly in the 1st quarter. Which is alarming if you project – what if they trounce everyone for the 1st half of the season? Will they lose focus again? Despite all the cf media trilling that the Buckeyes are a shoo-in not just for the Playoffs but the championship once again, I think danger is lurking! Well, unless Urban keeps them focused, but these are basically TEENAGE boys-to-men, a demographic not usually known for lengthy attention spans. Plus, there will be all the glory & kisses by their fellow students, & local & national media. Last year, the Buckeyes were counted out after losing to Va Tech in Week 2 until the final two weeks of the season, so “big-head syndrome” was not an issue. This year will be just the opposite.
Question – does the sports media actually LISTEN or READ themselves? Or do they just have short-term amnesia & forget what happened week to week let alone a mere 9 months ago?
I have never seen your movie recommendation but I’ll take note. I did see a movie on TV for the 1st time last Friday night & it’s possible I was the last female in America to do so – FROZEN! I, of course, knew the song ‘LET IT GO, LET IT GO!’ (heck, prisoners in solitary & patients in coma 2 years ago knew that song) but didn’t know much about the plot. To my shock, Elsa is not really the heroine (power ballad/female empowerment song be damned) but her sister Anna, a spunky go-getter. When they do the sequel, hopefully, they’ll draw little sis some awesome sparkly dresses too. 🙂
If I was Jeff Bezos, I’d hire Serena as my company’s spokesperson as she is definitely an AMAZON princess – strong, beautiful & quite handy with objects made of metal.
About Spygate -the extended cut : while the NFL may look suspiciously incompetent or oo buddy-buddy with one of the owners, WHO looks worse? The Patriots team & especially their coaches & front office. Right after public sentiment had changed to sympathy for “poor Tommy” & his benighted team. If I didn’t know better, I’d say the NFL PAID or at least encouraged ESPN to re-investigate the Spygate era…
How about them Mets. Looks like the other team is a mess.
btw, Johnny Mac is wearing a Mets hat
Thomas Crown is top-five all-time for me. So cool. You’re right about Brosnan, who’s so much more natural and confident here than as Bond. And Denis Leary is just right on the snark level for me. Love the music. Can watch it all day long.