by John Walters

Happy 47th, Skyler White (Anna Gunn). “Workin’ at the car wash/At the car wash, yeah….”

STARTING FIVE

Toronto slugged 6 homers, including Bautista’s 10th inning game-winner, in the Bronx over the weekend.

1. Eight-and-O! Canada

The Toronto Blue Jays are held to just 10 runs (nice job, Yankees), while sweeping the Bronx Bombers in New York over the weekend. The Yanks scored just one run in the three-game set, and that was disputable. NYY was shut out in consecutive games for the first time since 1999, which had been the longest streak in baseball.

Since acquiring shortstop Troy Tulowitzki, Toronto is 11-1, but the lone loss was on a day they did not play him. Toronto (61-52) has won eight in a row and is just a game and a half back of the Yankees. Toronto also has baseball’s best +/-, +129 runs. Still, they have sports’ creepiest team song.

If Billy Beane were their GM, he’d probably be trying to unload both Juan Bautista and Josh Donaldson today.

2.  He’s The Life of the Party!

According to Donald Trump, there are two “wherevers” in the above photos.

But which party? As Donald Trump surges to a 23% lead ahead of Ted “Ewww!” Cruz in the GOP polls, you have to think that no one is more pleased with this (outside of Trump) than the Dems. And if/when Trump runs as an Independent, it’s only going to be worse for the elephant men (and iCarly).

Dig it: there are more than a few people who are tired of being told that gay marriage is no different than straight marriage, that it’s not your place to weigh in on any racial issue if you’re not a minority, that it’s not okay to equate Islam with terrorism. Arguing the nuances of those issues is irelevant these days. You’re either all good or all evil. Trump appeals to that (larger than you thought) portion of America that is sick of tip-toe’ing about all of it.

There’s a reason, after all, that he cited Rosie O’Donnell. Trump isn’t going away no matter how many racist/sexist things he says, because he’s not about to apologize for any of it. That’s his secret. And he’s tapped into a YUUUUGE demographic.

3. Alphabet City

Names that were not seriously considered included “Bing-O!” and “Goofle”

Did Google actually change its name to “Alphabet,” or did it create an over-arching holding company for all of its subsidiaries and name it as such? Here’s what Larry Page and Sergey Brin had to say. 

4. The International

And after we win, we’re going to hack into a GM car’s operating system!

Why did ESPN’s SportsCenter provide highlights of a video gamer tournament called The International Dota 2 on Sunday? Well, partly because it sold out Key Arena in Seattle, partly because it offered more top prize money ($6.6 million) than any event this year other than the World Series of Poker, and partly because it received 4.7 million views on-line. Just imagine if Trump had entered.

The winning team, Evil Geniuses, was American. That’s the first time in the event’s five years that the U.S. has produced the winner. Couple this with that American team of mathletes winning that world math competition last month and WE’RE BACK, BABY!

A sign of the apocalypse or a step in evolution? It is what it is. The Matrix is real.

5. “J-E-S-T, JEST! JEST! JEST!”

Yes, New York Jet quarterback Geno Smith put his finger in the face of linebacker IK (short for “IKEA?”) Enemkpali and IK responded by punching Geno in the face and breaking his jaw in two places. Geno will miss 6-10 weeks and…chewing food.

This is the Jets-iest thing to happen since Mark Sanchez’s butt fumble and Brett Faver’s flaccid weiner text pic. I expect Ronda Rousey to announce that she could beat up IK Enemkpali within the hour.