by John Walters
Starting Five
Joaquin Guzman, a.k.a., “El Chapo”
1. Vamos!
You have to hand it to El Chapo. He didn’t escape by fooling a female prison worker into falling in love with him. He did it the old-fashioned way. He tunneled out.
The leader of the Sinaloa cartel in Mexico, El Chapo (“Shorty”) on Saturday night entered his shower cell, dropped through a 20 x 20 inch hole, climbed down a ladder and then fled through an elaborate mile-long tunnel. I’m still working to find out if a poster of Salma Hayek was involved in the scheme.
In related news, Donald Trump’s Miss USA pageant aired on Reelz on Sunday night and about 38,000 people watched. Olivia Jordan, or Miss Oklahoma, won.
2. Beat The Clock
No helmet? Great photo, though, as the ball is in the picture.
I didn’t watch the Home Run Derby because I never do, but apparently there was a shot clock, timeouts and a bracket system and Todd Frazier of the Reds, who are hosting the big-shebang, hit a buzzer-beater to win. All who tweeted said it was a major improvement on the previous format.
Call me when Chris Berman retires.
3. All The World’s Her Stage
Taylor Swift is hosting her own variety show with special guests every night of the 1989 tour
On Friday night’s show at MetLife Stadium, local girl of sorts (born and raised in eastern Pa., currently residing in Manhattan when she feels like it) Taylor Swift had some special guests: the US Women’s National Team. Fresh off a ticker-tape parade. Not a bad day, ladies, not a bad day.
The following night, Nick Jonas showed up. Last nigh in D.C., it was Lorde. TS plays D.C. again this evening. POTUS and the family, anyone?
4. House of Cards, House of Pain, or House of Pleasure?
You can pay $7.99 per month to watch every episode of Mad Men, when you want, and that’s just for starters, or you can pay $120 per month or more for cable. Or you can do both if you’ve owned NFLX stock for awhile.
It’s a big day for Netflix as well as for the company’s stockholders. The company reports 2nd-quarter earnings today and this is also the day that shareholders see their stock split in seven ways. That is, if you own 100 shares of NFLX stock, you will now own 700 going forward (calm down: the stock price will be divided by 7 as well).
The service that lets you stream TV and movies to when YOU WANT to watch them has had quite a nice little run the past three years. To wit:
July, 2012: $59/share
July, 2013: $267/share
July, 2014: $430/share
Yesterday: $716/share
Yesterday alone the stock rose 5%, roughly $35 per share. In April, when NFLX reported first quarter earnings, the stock rose more than $80 per share in one day. Of course, the question becomes, When does what goes up come down? The stock is trading at an insane 184 times earnings (Apple, by comparison, is trading at about 16 times earnings).
It’s nice to ride a rocket into the stratosphere. But if NFLX were to come crashing back to say, $400, tomorrow, would anyone on Wall Street say anything other than, “I told you so?”
Disclosure: I own some NFLX stock, but not as much as I owned when yesterday began. Bulls make money, bears make money, hogs get slaughtered.
5. You’re Not in Fort Collins Anymore
First-year Florida coach Jim McElwain arrived at SEC Media Days yesterday looking like this. He looks like every freshman from a Big Ten or MAC school three days into his or her first Spring Break on South Padre Island or Panama City.
Music 101
Pompeii
Oh, where do we begin/The rubble or our sins
It’s Bastille Day so here’s that tune from the band Bastille, which happens to be my favorite pop song from 2014. This is an acoustic version performed in the British Museum.
Remote Patrol
MLB All-Star Game
FOX 7 p.m.
Has Bryce Harper (.339 BA, 26 HR, 61 RBI) lived up to the hype? That’s a clown question, bro.
When I was a camp counselor on the shores of Lake Winnipesaukee (yes, the What About Bob? lake), this was the only television program they allowed the kids to watch all summer. The MLB All-Star Game has lost its shine some, what with interrelate play and the fact that each roster has 87 men on it, but it’s still a pretty good show. Now if they can just figure out how to make it so that the premier talents are also playing in the final three innings, when the contest — and Game 7 home court in the World Series — is actually decided.
I wouldn’t exactly say he “tunneled out” as that implies HE was actually a participant in the building of said tunnel. There was a ladder down there & I’m going to guess HE did not build it with leftover lunch popsicle sticks. Plus, it was over a MILE long, surely machinery would be needed for such a tunnel. Granted, he did walk/run (skip?) THROUGH the tunnel on his way to daylight & freeeeeedom. Er, can I get a ruling? And what are the chances the prison guards/overseers/possibly the superintendent himself were NOT involved? I’d say 5%. Lemme see, a ruthless BILLIONAIRE & prison workers; the latter probably ‘bought’ for $100,000 TOTAL. Makes the recent US “prison escape” seem almost quaint.
Speaking of ‘running for daylight’, today was the 1st mountain stage at the Tour de France & the guy ALREADY in the yellow jersey (2013 TDF champ Froome) made a mockery of all his “competitors”. He attacked his fellow ‘usual suspects’ about 6K from the finish, on the one & only mountain on today’s stage. Last year’s champion cracked & lost “big time” (figurative & literal – over 4 minutes which means this guy’s chance at a repeat is DONE). Two-time TDF champ & last year’s Vuelta champ & this May’s Giro champ Contador (thus he was working on a, um, Grand Slam of Grand Tours) couldn’t keep up & lost almost 3 minutes. The ONE guy thought to be the current “best in the mountains” lost about a minute & the guy in 2nd place before the stage (& “representing American interests” – Tejay Van Garderen – TVG for short) lost about 2.5 minutes but is still in 2nd overall. What this means – unless Froome falls off his bike or is snatched & flown away by those flying dinobirds from Jurrasic World, this race is already ovuh! Crap.
I have 2 main problems with Froome. 1st, when a CYCLIST is that dominant in the mountains, let’s say ‘suspicions are aroused’, just like in 2013 with Froome & last year with Nibbles. 2nd, have you ever WATCHED this guy on a bike? He looks like a Praying Mantis! Elbows out, hunched over, head jutted forward, & spins his spindly legs like a hamster on a wheel. It’s not attractive. At all. I guess it’s not HIS fault he’s damn ugly going up a mountain, but there it is.
Anyhoo, today was only the 1st of 7 (SEVEN! whoo-hoo!) mountain stages in this year’s Tour & the 2nd group of mountains (Alps this year) are the ones that usually decide the race. Plus, most riders have at least one “bad day” in the mountains & Froome could lose several minutes on his (ok, unlikely the way he’s riding but it IS possible). If Froome continues to attack during the next 2 days in the Pyrenees, he could be another 4-10 minutes ahead of all the other GC guys & save for a crash-out or the dinobirds, we should get used to seeing Mantis-Man in yellow all the way to Paris.
I’m rooting for TVG to get on the podium. He’s twice finished 5th (including last year), so it’s within his reach. He didn’t have a great day today, but he DID beat 2 former TDF champs up that mountain. And this could have been HIS “bad day”. So all in all, not too shabby.
For all of you who don’t follow/know pro-cycling, I will give you a helpful comparison. In NBA playoff terms, Froome’s result today & overall efforts so far in this year’s Tour is like an NBA team going undefeated in the 1st 3 rounds of the playoffs & they’re in the Finals now & they’ve won Games 1 & 2 by 30 points each. In other words, unless LeBron James is on the opposing team, some trophy hoisting is not far away.
The question : is there a LeBron James among Froome’s competitors?
The answer : not likely but check back later. 🙂
I was going to suggest that the raccoon-eyed Florida coach would have been well-served to heed Kurt Vonnegut’s sage advice, but instead I discovered that Vonnegut didn’t author that infamous “Wear Sunscreen” MIT commencement address! It was penned by columnist Mary Schmich, and summarily published in the Chicago Tribune. Apparently, the two later had a conversation about the misunderstanding, which had morphed into urban legend.
According to Vonnegut, “What I said to Mary Schmich on the telephone was that what she wrote was funny and wise and charming, so I would have been proud had the words been mine.”
Not a bad ending for a column that was written, according to Schmich, “while high on coffee and M&Ms.”
Between that, and the fact that the world’s most dangerous criminal is nicknamed
“Shorty”, my faith in humanity has been shaken. Again.
I want the Jags to land a running back named James — Craig, Edgerrin, really anyone — just to have the Bortles & Jaymes backfield. Nothing would represent the raw excitement of Jacksonville football like a spritzer with maybe 4% alcohol by volume.
So disappointed I didn’t tweet right away that McElwain’s raccoon look would be the official Twitter take from SEC Media Days on Tuesday. I don’t even mind that some of the screengrabs are photoshopped north of purple. It’s outstanding …