by John Walters
Wishing a happy birthday to Michael J. Fox, but wishing a happy birthday to Natalie Portman, too, which is sort of a portmanteau…
Starting Five
1. Peer Amid Scheme
The horse that wrecked autocorrect, American Pharoah, wins the Belmont Stakes and in so doing becomes the first thoroughbred since Affirmed in 1978 to capture the Triple Crown… a fact that the three year-old himself is completely oblivious to, despite the reams of copy produced by breathless scribes this weekend hailing this achievement.
It’s not that I don’t like the spectacle of the Triple Crown. I’m just nauseated by the hagiography of it all. It’s a horse that has no idea that there is any connection between this trio of spring jaunts nor that there is a decades-long drought associated with his achievement. I noticed nobody used their purple prose function to talk about Helwan, the four year-old colt who went down in the fourth race and had to be euthanized…
American Pharoah, here being whipped (don’t worry; he likes it) was not one of the 10 horses to die while racing at Belmont this spring. Do not let your children go into horse racing.
I”m not against horse racing. I’m against horse manure. On Saturday a Canadian friend of mine approached just before post time.
C: “So tell me about this Triple Crown thing.”
Me: “Well, it’s these three races in the spring time at three different tracks and if the same three year-old wins all three, that’s a big deal.”
C: “How come?”
Me: “Because that’s the way they’ve been doing it for nearly a hundred years.”
C: “Yes, but how come it’s a big deal.”
Me: “Because a bunch of two-legged creatures decided it was.”
We’ll always have this gem from The State, which sort of sums up how I feel about all the atavistic Gatsby-era hoo ha associated with this phenomenon. Is it cool that this happened for the first time in 37 years? Sure. Are we celebrating ourselves more than we are the horse? Yes, because the horse has no idea what it accomplished.
2. Tilda Swinton 2, Australia 1
Loved her in Michael Clayton…
The USA opens Women’s World Cup play with a 3-1 defeat of the Sheilas in Winnipeg.
Relaxing at home in Scotland…
3. Dad’-baughed
To quote a tweet from @MarkEnnis : “And what are you wearing, Jim from Ann Arbor?” “Uh, khakis.”
Perfect neologism/portmanteau and an equally well-executed column by Tom Fornelli, whose “Topless College Football Coach Power Rankings” yesterday was a bottomless pith of fun. Loved his No. 1, but had to wonder where was Mike Gundy? He’s a man, he’s 48, and he probably doffs his shirt.
Against my better judgement, I did Google “Topless Mark Mangino”
And we can all say a prayer of thanks that Mark Mangino is no longer a head coach.
4. Cavs lead Warriors, 1-1
The Los Angeles Lakers always had more talent than the Boston Celtics, but the reasons the Celtics at least took one of their three classic 1980s series from them is because 1) the Celtics almost always had the best player on the court (Larry Bird) and 2) Boston had a few more guys who understood their roles (although I’d be remiss in not stating that Michael Cooper of the Lakers NEVER gets enough love in these discussions).
The Cavs have twice taken GSW to overtime in Oakland in the first two games of the NBA Finals thanks to 1) having the best player on the court (LBJ) and 2) having role players who are doing more: Tristan Thompson, Timofey Mozgov Cocktail, and Matthew “It Ain’t Ova til’ It’s” Dellavedova.
Sure, they’re going to miss Kyrie Irving. But LeBron’s favorite play in this series has been backing Night of the Iguodala down and then dishing to a full speed Mozgov, whose way no one on GSW wants to get into. And I don’t blame them.
And yes, I was the guy on Friday reminding tweeps that the Cavs could win this series as people told me it would be a GSW sweep.
Meanwhile, let’s play Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon (thx to Tom Sullivan): Bacon in Crazy, Stupid Love with Marisa Tomei…who is in Trainwreck this summer with LeBron James…who is a teammate of Kevin Love…who is a nephew of Mike Love…who is a cousin and bandmate of Brian Wilson.
5. Dano What You Got Til It’s Gone
Love and Mercy: It’s like the Entourage movie if Vincent Chase actually suffered for his art.
Saw Love & Mercy and loved it. Well, let me put it this way: I LOVED the Sixties era version of it and liked the Eighties era version. Even though Paul Giammati was pig vomit-reprehensible as Dr. Eugene Landy and even though Elizabeth Banks was outstanding as Melinda Ledbetter and even though John Cusack was terrific in a nuanced performance, Paul Dano as a young Brian Wilson just went to a place (“In My Room,” perhaps?) that most actors can never get to. Oscar nomination for sure. Oscar win? It’s still early and I wouldn’t count Chewbacca out later this year.
Remote Patrol
Game 3: Warriors at Cavs
ABC 9 p.m.
Do you favor Curry?
It was Game 3 of the 1991 Finals, Bulls at the Forum, in which Michael Jordan wrested the legacy of champion away from Magic Johnson and the Lakers. Not that Magic’s Lakers weren’t magnificent, but they were gunning for their sixth title in the Magic era and the Bulls were in search of their first. The series was tied 1-1. Chicago won that game on the road and the confidence level disparity after that was a wide, wide gulf. The Bulls easily closed out the final two games of the series, all in L.A.
Does Steph Curry have that gear in him? Different era, different teams, different casts, I know. It’s a loose comparison at best.
So, you’re saying that last week’s “Warriors in 4” was just to torture me? 🙂 Speaking of which, if someone had been outside my Family Room window Sunday night between 9:15 – 11:30 (or so), they’d have thought I was being tortured. And they’d been right! OH MY GOD! I still haven’t processed Game 2 – partly because I kept walking around the room to “shake off” the tension & partly because I kept closing my eyes or putting my hands in front of my face. Have you EVER seen such a game? What team only makes 32% of their shots & WINS…on the overwhelming favorite’s floor…with ONLY a 7 man rotation (while the Dubs have at least 10)? I vacillated between giddy shock & ‘the end is near’ gloom all night long. Oh, & then there was the incensed, “is this really happening!” rage over all the non-calls on the Warriors while they fouled Sweet Pea EVERY time he came into the paint! And that jump ball – Green mugged LBJ & GS got the ball? WTF?! And speaking of LeBron – I’m still wince whenever he misses a jumper as I had gotten used to 3 years of “superefficient play”, but then, he’s doing EVERYthing else but selling hotdogs in the stands & he was on the floor almost every minute, so of COURSE he must be a bit tuckered out in the 2nd half. And then there was Mozilla & the Dellinator! Together, they made one ALMOST overlook JR’s asinine fouls. Delly is the live incarnation of all those basketball book illustrations for how to defend – BOTH ARMS UP ALL THE TIME (except while diving on the floor or in the air for loose balls). How do you not love that guy?! And while I do think current MVP/golden child Steph is in a shooting slump, to say that Delly’s defense had no affect on his stats (2 0f 15 three-pointers – TWO of FIFTEEN!) is ludicrous.
I mentioned yesterday that I read a bunch of NBA stuff that had been written last week. While I wasn’t surprised of course to read the Warriors tagged as “the favorite” to win, what DID shock me was that quite a few said “all of America outside of Ohio” WANTED the Warriors to win, that they were “America’s favorite team”. WHAT? How can anyone outside the Bay area not want the prodigal son & a injury-diminished team (whose nickname should now be the ‘Sad News Cavs’) to win? It would be one of the TOP 5 SPORTS STORIES OF ALL TIME! Forget the Triple Crown after 37 years, if hometown hero LeBron & the hardluck Cavs win the championship for 51 year title-starved Cleveland over the “best NBA team of 2015”, it’s a HOLLYWOOD SPORTS MOVIE COME TO LIFE!
Anyhoo, I think tonight’s Game 3 is CRUCIAL. The Warriors (of 67 reg season wins) HAVE to be feeling pressure AND more than a bit of shock & embarrassment. They had the best record in the entire league, the “experts” started calling them the “best team this year” even before Xmas. The West was supposed to be “so much better” than the East. The Cavs were depleted & being belittled as the “3rd worst team in NBA Finals history. (!) The 1st 2 games were to be on the Warriors home floor where they’d only lost 3 (THREE) times all season. For cripes sake, various pundits were predicting not just a lopsided Finals but probably a sweep. And yet – the 1st 2 games went to Overtime & the CAVS, down yet ANOTHER All-Star player, win the 2nd one. If the Warrior are NOT embarrassed then they’re too stupid or arrogant & either will lose them the title.
However, it’s because of this unspoken embarrassment (by both the team & Steph individually), that the Warriors will throw EVERYthing at the Cavs tonight. But if the Cavs win? Not only will the roof of “the Q” possibly lift off, but all those NBA “experts” will immediately turn on & start trashing the Warriors. How would those players hold up under shaky play AND the brunt of national-level shrieking criticism? Meanwhile, LeBron & the Cavs are basically playing with house money (as long as they don’t lose the next 3 games by more than 20 points each). However, they will only win if they DON’T acknowledge this fact & continue to play with the “nobody believes in us!” mandate.
My main concern – as much as I’ve pondered these last 4 years that LeBron is a sporting god sent to earth to “show us how it’s done”, I think he’s probably human. And, how much more can he do? How many minutes? How much POUNDING? (If the refs don’t start calling the Warriors’ fouls on him, I’ll fear for their wellbeing in that arena). How many times can a rush of adrenaline allow one to lift a car off a loved one? Plus, even steel has a breaking point.
I think the Cavs can win tonight IF both JR & Delly (or James Jones) shoot the lights out to help relieve LBJ of some of the scoring burden. And Mozilla, Delly, & TT continue at their new level of play.
I do have one other concern – if the Cavs do win tonight, I’m worried the FANS will start celebrating as if the championship is already won. The pressure then switches over to the Cavs. Despite this risk, I’m hoping for the win & then ON to HISTORY! 🙂 🙂
One more thing – apparently soccer goddess Abby Wambach no longer wears a headband while playing. Between LeBron & Abby, not a good year for the head & hair band “industry”. 😉