by John Walters

Starting Five

1. A Farewell to Bros

The film version of Entourage opens this weekend, and my next-door cubicle neighbor, Alex Nazaryan, did not have the kindest words to unleash upon it. In fact, Alex wrote an entire brobituary in which he referenced dadbod, Natty Ice, DMB, Swingers, A&F, man spreading, lacrosse and d-bags.

You can actually feel Alex’s contempt seeping into your fingers.

As the titular (and self-proclaimed) head of the Johntourage, I can only tell you that I’ve moved on to craft beers, GoT recaps, and European football, bra.

2.Jerry and Elaine Together Again? GET! OUT!

The season premiere of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee is up on the web, as host Jerry Seinfeld squires the comedienne formerly known as Elaine Benes (and now just as beloved, even if she’s passed her last believable day, as President Selina Meyer) in a 1964 Astin Martin. Jerry takes Elaine out for a cup of cappucino and they drive past Hillary Swank (cameo, her best work in years). The java is too cold and Elaine volunteers to return them and suddenly we’re back at Moe’s Coffee Shop.

“He’s now calling me an asshole behind my back,” says Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

“That’s the proper way to call someone an asshole,” retorts Jerry. “Behind their back.”

To paraphrase Cosmo Kramer, “That’s funnier than anything any current sitcom has in its act.”

This is fun to watch. The genuine affection between the two is palpable throughout. And by the way, who said there are no second acts in American life (oh yeah, it was F. Scott; well, he was wrong about that)?

3. But Was It a Lannister Lion?

There’s an episode of the Mary Tyler Moore Show that many consider that sitcom’s supreme effort –and a few folks consider to be the best sitcom episode ever — that revolves around the untimely death of Chuckles the Clown. Here’s the money scene.

Notice how Mary finds it impossible to control her giggles as the mood is somber, but then when the preacher inviters her to laugh out loud, she breaks down crying?

Where are you going with this, JDub? Great question. I’m not exactly sure. But when I read yesterday that the woman who was mauled to death by the lion in Johannesburg –everyone in the car had their windows down, which is strictly forbidden in the park, and now they know why — was an Emmy-award winning special effects editor for Game of Thrones, the hed above was my first thought.

Call me immature.

I’m really sorry for the woman’s family and everyone who cared about her that she died at the age of 29. Worse, she was in Africa reportedly on an anti-poaching mission, a cause that’s dear to my heart. The best thing any of us can do, I think, after we flush the bad jokes out of our systems (or at least me, mine) is to send a check to an agency working to end poaching in Africa. These animals are far too wonderful to lose. In Tanzania, for example, 60% of the elephant population has been lost to poachers in the past 5 years. That was the most depressing news I’ll hear all week.

4. Gators Repeat

Florida won its second straight Women’s Softball World Series last night, defeating Michigan 4-1. USA Softball Player of the Year Lauren Haeger shut down the Wolverines whose star pitcher, Haylie Wagner, gave up 3 first-inning runs after going 20 scoreless innings in the WWS.

5. Being John Malkovich Brian Wilson

The only film I’m actually really looking forward to seeing in the next week or two is Spy Love & Mercy, the story of the Beach Boys genius Brian Wilson. It stars Paul “Book ’em” Dano as the Pet Sounds era Brian Wilson, and John Cusack as the sad-sack, anti-depressant addled Brian Wilson.

While Dano somewhat looks like the young Brian Wilson, Cusack bears almost no physical resemblance to him (okay, they both have two eyes and a mouth and both own beach houses) and the filmmakers seemed not to care in the least. It’s like when Chevy Chase used to play Gerald Ford on SNL. Anyway, the biopic has gotten solid reviews across the board and at the very least, you’re listening to some of the most ethereally beautiful music ever recorded for 100 or so minutes, no?

You know who’d be a great biopic character? Brian’s little brother, Dennis. The Beach Boy drummer — the only band member who actually surfed — was playing in the band when they’d already hit international status at the age of 16. He was also the studliest member of the group. And the one that Charles Manson befriended.

Can you imagine being the coolest thing in California at age 16 in the early Sixties? Wow.

Music 101

I Believe In A Thing Called Love

Are you ‘aving a laugh? One of the better goofs in rock & roll history is this song by The Darkness, a band that will never be accused of taking itself too seriously. But Lord, the hook here is actually infectious. This ode to ’70s glam rock, released in 2003, hit No. 2 on the UK singles charts. Permission to land? Granted (“guitar!”)

 

Remote Patrol

Game 1: Cavs at Warriors

ABC 9 p.m.

I was hoping that TNT would have the series so that they might invite Bill Simmons on Inside The NBA. No such luck. How far have we come in one year? This was B.S. just one year ago at the Finals in Miami.