by John Walters

Starting Five

1. LeBron James Is Awesome!*

The Cleveland Cavaliers went up 2-0 in their opening round series against the Boston Celtics, who despite having no talented players taller than 5’9″, would probably beat five of the teams in the Eastern Conference playoffs. Anyway, a headband-free LeBron James scored 30 points and teamed up with Kryie Irving to score the Cavs’ final 28 in the 99-91 victory (Boston has beaten the spread in both games, FYI).

James also had nine rebounds, seven assists, two blocks, spent halftime in Baltimore marching with protesters, and killed him a b’ar when he was only three.

*Susie B.-sponsored post

2. New York Citi

Derek Jeter retires and passes the wand to Flushing, as the New York Mets stretch their glorious start at their ballpark, Citi Field, to 8-0 with a 7-1 defeat of the Braves. The Mets are 11-3 and have now won 9 straight –11 in a row, back in 1990, a streak chronicled in Sports Illustrated at the time by a young Steve Rushin— and have done so without David Wright, who tweaked a hammy last night. Jonathon Niese, the Mets’ fourth starter, pitched shutout ball into the 7th inning.
Watch out for the Mets. Seriously. Jacob deGrom, Matt Harvey and Bartolo Colon are 8-1 and have respective WHIPs of 1.14, 1.00 and 0.80

3. Oz, The Great and Powerful

So, on the opening day of May sweeps, Dr. Oz will address on his syndicated talk show the 10 doctors, as opposed to the four out of five doctors, who want him to resign from his position at Columbia Medical School. I agree that Oz should stop making claims that he can give patients a heart, a brain…courage. Other than that, I just wish he’d stop sending me “Fat Burner” emails. PLEASE, Doc.

4. You Deserve a Break Today*

I hear people saying –some directly to me– that this final half-season of Mad Men is lazy, unfocused (“just like you, JW!”), that it’s not as funny now that Belushi and Murray left. But I’m still enjoying it. Why I loved Sunday’s episode:

–Was that an ode to a show of that era, Love, American Style, with the two strange romantic arcs: Joan and the retiree (he was straight outta Love Boat central casting, by the way) and Monotone Glenn and Betty going all The Graduate on us? I was really hoping for a fadeout view of Betty reclining on a chaise with mutton-chopped Glenn in the shot farther away but viewed through her bent leg.

–The scene with Don and Peggy? That’s a time-capsule scene for that pair. You can feel the tension. She enters annoyed, then becomes sincere, then exits pissed. “Why don’t you tell me your dreams so I can shit all over them?” Classic.

–And then there’s Mathis. It’s like this, Johnny. No one intentionally walks a guy who has to bunt to get on base, you know? Anyhoo, I love reading Mark Lisanti’s “Mad Men Power Rankings” almost as much as I enjoy Mad Men. I’m going to miss both.

*The catchphrase from 1970 that Peggy will NOT come up with, which will haunt her forever. It was named the No. 1 ad jingle of the CENTURY by Advertising Age.

5. Their City of Ruins

Remember the Iraq War (no, not the Gulf War)? There were a few so-so films (Jarhead, Three Kings, Courage Under Fire, In The Valley of Elah) and one or two excellent ones (The Hurt Locker, American Sniper), and then we pretty much left? Well, the country is a dumpster fire these days –and perhaps it always was. I’m going Deitsch on you here and recommending this story in Rolling Stone, by Matthieu Aikins, from last month titled “Baghdad on the Brink.” 

*****

p.s. from yesterday: On the date I wrote about how awesome Under Armour stock is, it tumbled more than 5%. I have a certain touch.

Music 101

Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough

Keep on with the force/Don’t stop/Don’t stop ’til you get enough

The first track from Michael Jackson’s first post-pubescent solo album, Off The Wall, igniting the fuse of  the brightest solo pop career in music history. Written and recorded by the King of Pop, this was his first No. 1 hit in seven years (Ben, 1972, an ode to a rat) and the first of 10 No. 1 hits he’d have (not including duets). It also earned him his first Grammy. The pre- and post-pubescent Jackson are essentially two different people (and artists) and this, in a sense, was Michael’s coming-out party.

Remote Patrol

Game 2: Spurs at Clippers

TNT 10:30 p.m.

Sign in the Los Angeles Clipper locker room: “We Don’t Lose To Virgin Islander, Argentine, French, Italian, Brazilian, Kiwi or Australian Players.” I want San Antonio to win, but I want Michelle Beadle to sit down and shut up. It’s a conundrum.