Starting Five

1. He Tried to Warn ‘Em

How did I miss this???? Did you, like me, fail to see this coming? I feel soooo stupid.

On the season finale of Walking Dead, it only made sense that Deanna’s kindly, gentle lamb of a husband becomes the martyr that flips the switch in her head to finally accede Rick’s way of justice. For weeks Rick has been telling Deanna that Alexandria needs, to borrow a phrase floating around pop culture currently, to get hard.

But she refuses to go all Texas governor death penalty on her populace. And so of course the most docile person in Alexandria, and the man who BUILT THE WALL that symbolizes their delusional sense of security, is sacrificed when hostile surgeon husband Pete steals Michonne’s sword and takes him out.

It’s like when peacemaker Tony is the one to die in West Side Story….without all the singing.

Also, the Wolves seem like that gang in Warriors that stir up trouble just for the hell of it. Those 18-wheeler zombie raves are going to become a thing, just you watch.

2. Irish Agony (Part II)

For the second time this academic year, Notre Dame takes the heavily favored, No. 1 team in the nation to the brink, only to lose. There’s no shame in that, but there’s also little solace.

The Irish led 66-64 with two minutes to go and a chance to end Kentucky’s 37-game win streak and spoil the Wildcats’ perfect season. In the end, the Wildcat-iparis did what needed to be done, while Jerian Grant did not pass the ball on any of Notre Dame’s final three possessions. Great kid, great player, but that was a big mistake, especially for an offense that had exactly twice as many assists (16 to 8) as Kentucky on Saturday night.

3. Kerfuffle du Jour: Dodd vs. Rodgers

Back when I actually used to attend sporting events, I really liked Dennis Dodd. Still do. But I’m not feeling his ire over Aaron Rodgers turning down his interview request after Wisconsin buried Arizona in the Western regional final on Saturday afternoon. It is a request, after all, and as Rodgers tweeted, “Sometimes the answer is ‘no.'” 

But Dennis continued to, um, badger Rodgers. I guess we’ll just have to watch all 11 ESPN chat-debate programs today to discern how we should feel about this.

Seriously, though, if Dodd is asking why Rodgers should be treated any differently, well, first of all 1) Good for Rodgers for not usurping the moment by talking about the Badgers (as many would have interpreted it), and 2) I can ask the same question as to why some national media members seem to get better seats on press row time after time, when all of the media members are there to perform the same function? Everyone is not treated equally. Welcome to America. Sometimes it works for you; sometimes it doesn’t.

Not to worry, my friend. This will all make a solid Discount Double-Check commercial in about four months….

 4. Theater of the Absurd

If you watched WrestleMania last night, that’s cool. I’m not into it, but live and let live. However, I must ask whey ESPN’s SportsCenter covered the event as if it were any other countest. I guess the “E” overtook the “S” in its acronym last night.

As I’ve said for more than a dozen years, the two traits an endeavor must have to be a sport are simple: 1) Athleticism and 2) Defense. Chess is a game, not a sport, because it lacks athleticism. Golf is a competition, not a sport, because it lacks defense. Pro wrestling is not a sport because, as long as the combatants have agreed beforehand at least in part how the match will be staged, defense is once again technically not part of the equation.

Fun? Yes. Athletic? Yes. A crowd-pleaser? Ask the full house (77,000) at Levi’s Stadium and the millions more who watched. But a sport? Nope. SportsCenter may as well have done a highlight package on who won and lost on Walking Dead last night (Levy: “And Deanna nearly tells Rick, “Get outta town!”)

5. Tough News

Everyone’s favorite peacock of a sideline reporter, Craig Sager, has been diagnosed with leukemia again. It was about this time last year when Sager, 63, was diagnosed with cancer and missed all of the NBA postseason while undergoing chemotherapy treatment.

Sager, a beloved fixture at TNT for 17 years, had just returned to the sideline at the start of this month, but now must return to the hospital for treatment. We wish him a full recovery. He’s one of the good guys.

Music 101

Every Time You Cry

Say what you will –oh, and you will–but Play Deep, the 1986 album from British band The Outfield had three solid tracks: “Your Love (Josie’s on a Vacation Far Away)”, “Say It Isn’t So,” and this song, an all-timer in terms of flash-your-lighter-and-sway arena power ballads. You have to love a band based in a country that doesn’t play baseball naming themselves and their debut album after baseball vernacular. I can’t believe the first cut wasn’t called “Warning Track.”

The Outfield were based in Manchester. I doubt they hung out much with Joy Division.

Remote Patrol

Roast of Justin Bieber

10 p.m. Comedy Central

From what I’ve read, there’s never been a Comedy Central roast of a person with less “but underneath it all, we love this fella” simpatico than this one. Comedians are just like most of us: they genuinely despise the Biebs. I’m bummed that the Paul Walker jokes were cut –that’s insensitive, but you can make jokes about Bea Arthur’s penis?–but I’ll tune in. Also, there’s a “pre-heat” of the roast at 9:30 p.m.

Broadcast News

10:15 p.m.

What Almost Famous is to print, this 1987 classic is to broadcast journalism. Simply one of the bestest screenplays ever written and the banter between Albert Brooks and Holly Hunter is more real that you’ll hear in just about every film. A genuine classic.