Starting Five

1. Nash-Ville

Didn’t get around to this yesterday, but as a relatively short white kid who preferred passing to scoring and loves basketball, I’m almost obligated to worship Steve Nash. And I do. The only two-time NBA MVP who stood shorter than six-foot-six (not to mention shorter than his listed six-foot-three) announced his retirement on The Players’ Tribune on Saturday.

As you probably know, Nash put together four 50-40-90 seasons, meaning he shot at least 50% from the field, 40% from beyond the arc and 90% from the free throw line in one season. In the history of the NBA (obviously, since the three-point shot came into existence), that has only been done 10 times: Nash’s four times, twice by Larry Bird, and once by Mark Price, Reggie Miller, Dirk Nowitzki and Kevin Durant.

I heard a local radio guy in Phoenix ask Grant Hill yesterday if Steve Nash is the greatest shooter of all time, which ENTIRELY misses the point. Nash was one of the smartest shooters of all time, usually only taking the shots that were there for him. He was also extremely creative as a shooter when he got closer to the hoop, i.e., beneath the redwoods.

Finally, the irony of it all is that he was a FAR BETTER passer than he was a shooter. The ultimate teammate. Derek Jeter and Steve Nash are both gone (with Nash announcing his retirement on Jeter’s site). Oh, well. Maybe it’s time to start following opera.

2. Ohhhhh…THAT Cruise

Sure, I was a tad nonplussed when I got word over the weekend that Tom Cruise announced he was running for president. I mean, with that sterling military record from both Top Gun and A Few Good Men, he’s going to resonate with the GOP. So imagine my disappointment surprise when I learned that it was not Tom, but Ted…Cruz.

Just between us, doesn’t Ted look a little bit too much like a scary clown who just took off his makeup to run for president? Jon Stewart had some insights on Cruz’s first episode of hypocrisy, the idea that students at, of all places, an institution named LIBERTY UNIVERSITY, being required to attend his announcement that he was running for president.

Ted Cruz has absolutely zero chance of winning the GOP nomination and it has nothing to do with his policies or politics: at his base, he’s not a very likable person. At least Mitt Romney had that.

3. Sharper’s Image

While the NFL owners meetings began in Phoenix yesterday, former All-Pro safety Darren Sharper signed a nine-year with the U.S. Federal Dept. of Corrections. Terms of the contract are guaranteed: Sharper, who appeared by video in a Phoenix courtroom, pleaded no contest to two counts of drugging and raping women, will serve a nine-year prison sentence and wear an orange jumpsuit.

Sharper is alleged to have committed similar crimes in California, Louisiana and Nevada. No word yet on what number has been assigned to him.

4. Disturbia

I often wonder if The Walking Dead is attempting to examine themes on a deeper level, or if it’s just a series of lulls between zombie attacks. If they are doing the former, sometimes they do it so subtly that I wonder if the audience even appreciates it.

The entire suburban utopia concept of Alexandria finally came to a head on Sunday as Rick lost his s$%# in what was really a situation straight out of Desperate Housewives (which reminds me: What’s Teri Hatcher doing these days?).

Here’s what I’ve enjoyed about the Alexandria story arc: the concept that when you finally have all your ducks in a row –safety, a roof over your head and adequate supplies of baking chocolate and guns–that you come to realize that you now face the greatest enemy of all: Boredom.

But, hey, isn’t that what professional (and Division I) sports are for?

The joy, my friends, is in the struggle…not in the having it all. Sheriff Rick Grimes is behaving as if he is saving a damsel in distress, and on one level he kind of is –though we’ve never actually seen the domestic violence. But really, all that’s happening here is that Rick, no longer expending his energy on hunt-or-be-hunted, puts his feet up and realizes he’s not getting any nookie. And now he’s found a nookie-delivery system. And so he rationalizes all this heroic behavior when really he’s just trying to eliminate the only impediment in his path.

And, as Detective Rust Cohle once said, “I’m police. I can do terrible things with impunity.”

5. Spring…Has Not Sprung

This was Chicago…yesterday. Four days after the vernal equinox. That is just mean, Mother Nature.

Music 101

Magnet and Steel

1978

Inspired by his crush on Stevie Nicks, who was helping him write and record his album, southern California musician Walter Egan penned this tune. A Georgetown alum, Egan  spotted the words “Not Shy” on a license plate while driving home from Van Nuys to Pomona after working with Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham. Nicks would later add backing vocals. This tune, along with songs from Grease and Joe Walsh’s Life’s Been Good owned the airwaves in the summer of ’78, back when that mattered. It peaked at No. 6 on the Billboard chart and then got some love 17 years later when it was featured in Boogie Nights. 

Remote Patrol

The In-Laws

8:30 p.m. TCM

“Serpentine!” If ever one word defined a film…Alan Arkin and Peter Falk star in this terrific comedy from 1979.