Starting Three (for today)

1. Hannah and Her Sizzlers

Hannah Davis, 24, may be the first SI Swimsuit Issue cover model whose home is a legitimate Swimsuit Issue destination. Davis grew up on St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands and was on “the Virgin Islands National Volleyball team” per Wikipedia. No idea how many young ladies tried out. Of course, she also dates Derek Jeter.

If you’ve seen the full front, you know that this is also the first time the SI Swimsuit cover has featured both an American and a Brazilian on the same cover (while limiting the breastesesses total to two).

2. Nevada is “The Silver State,” After All 

Not to be outdone by SI‘s cheesecake cover, ESPN the Magazine, which is overseen by former SI staffer Chad Millman, places NBA commissioner Adam Silver on the cover. I’ve not yet read the story, but I’m looking forward to doing so. My old friend Chad, by the way, has been voraciously covering the men who make book since his own book, The Odds, was published in 2002.

I hate to be the killjoy here, but let’s establish a few things: 1) Yes, we know that people are going to wager (a lot! BILLIONS) 2) We understand that if the government oversees it –like marijuana –that not only can you tax it, but there’s a good chance fewer knees will be broken.

That said, if you are the Commissioner of a pro sports league and you come out in support of legalized gambling (which is different, as Silver has clarified before, than saying you are “pro-sports wagering”) only to later experience either a point-shaving scandal involving your players or learning that your own players are wagering on games, do you really have any cause to be outraged or upset? Isn’t this like if Budweiser started selling beer funnels and then got upset about underage drinking deaths?

3. I Weigh Two Bills

I knew that I was going to be fascinated by whatever Der Kommissar of Grantland had to say about Super Bowl XLIX. Bill Simmons did not disappoint. Which is not to say I agreed with all he had to say–but, as always, it was very entertaining (“If Al Michaels had called ‘The Red Wedding,’ he’d have said, ‘Catelyn Stark is out with a throat'”). A cursory list of what I loved and what I hated/disagreed with. But if you haven’t already, you should definitely read it: Simmons cannot match this type of passion, his Boston sports passion, with anything else he writes. Possibly, occasionally, the NBA. But when he does have a topic that he is this invested in, he’s gold.

1) “I said, ‘Tom, look me in the eye'”. Simmons referencing the fact that NBC’s Cris Collinsworth mentioned he shined the big lamp on Tom Brady right before one of the biggest plays of the game. “What are you, his ninth-grade principal?” LOVED.

2) Simmons noting that NBC never showed us the “right replay” of the Kam Chancellor hit on Julian Edelman “even though it had 367 cameras there” and that the NFL said Edelman underwent a concussion protocol after that series (and, like, immediately after or on Monday?) LOVED.

3) The Catelyn Stark line, underscoring that Al Michaels just says the body part and not what the actual related injury is. LOVED.

4) “Dontelle” Lockette. Simmons never uses the actual first name of the Seahawk receiver (or of “Dave” Matthews). LOVED.

5) The Marshawn Lynch rant. Listen, I agree with Simmons that it isn’t Lynch’s job to dance for the media, middle-aged white guys or not. However, if it weren’t for the foot soldiers who cover these guys face-to-face, how much more poorly informed would Simmons be about them? It’s like the guy who hates seeing undocumented workers waiting in the Target parking lot but loves the price of his fruit.

Meanwhile, even though he is conjuring a quote from Lynch, for him to say “sports media assholes” and then immediately footnote a link to a Sal Paolantonio interview, one in which he describes his ESPN colleague as “indefensibly abrasive” (Really? Judge for yourself) is like Cowherd going after Patrick. Does Norby just twiddle his thumbs and hope no one else notices?

Between Boston and ESPN, I think we know where Bill’s allegiance lies. HATED.

6) Denoting Seattle’s Michael Bennett as the odds-on favorite to win “Which Player from Super Bowl XLIX is Most Likely to Fail a Postgame PED Test.” LOVED.

7) The shout-out to a hilarious Jeff Cessario bit from Letterman back in the Eighties. Look at Cessario. Listen to the bit. You KNOW what he is thinking today. He’s thinking, Why didn’t I get Jerry Seinfeld’s life? LOVED.

8. Noting that Brady went 8 for 8 on his final TD drive (which is why I put it here). He’s always going to be in the GOAT conversation. LOVED.

9. The Julian Edelman anecdote about his free agency. Wisdom. LOVED.

10. Remembering that Butler made a super defensive play on Jermaine Kearse two plays before THE CATCH. LOVED.

11. His noting that a reader, David in Fort Carson, Colo., noted that had Lynch scored that we would have been treated to “the greatest crotch grab of all time.” I don’t know if I’d have used the word “treated,” but I agree. Couple that with Doug Baldwin’s poop celebration, and the Eisenhower Era is officially over. LOVED.

12. The way Simmons displays his frustration over Belichick not calling timeout as a full 28 seconds or so elapse between the end of first down and the snap of second down. LOVED.

13. Simmons’ entire examination of the “high stakes poker game” between Belichick and Carroll. Belichick knowing Carroll only has one timeout and :32 left. Believing that Carroll will have to pass on at least one down and so he chose not to call time to force Carroll’s hand. Okay, I’m intrigued. I don’t doubt that is possible, but that doesn’t let Carroll off the hook.

Why not? Seattle called timeout with 1:06. You call two plays there, and you allow for the fact that Beast Mode is your best weapon. You impress upon your offense that you want to score, but that if you don’t you’ll be calling timeout again. Then, if Beast Mode hasn’t scored after two run plays and a timeout, you call a pass. If that goes incomplete, you have time for a fourth down. Run or pass. It no longer matters. In other words, Pete wasn’t obligated to call a pass on second down, and with the ball on the 1, he should’ve struck when the iron was hot–and the Pats were, sorry, deflated. INTRIGUED.

14. This…this…THIS…magnificent piece of footage that Simmons found on YouTube. As I’ve said on Twitter, it’s kind of like getting a different angle from Dealey Plaza of the Kennedy assassination. HOW did NBC not have something similar to this? It’s fascinating and I’ll pelt 30 Rock with…with….with…30 rocks if they order this taken down. It’s historical footage. Listen closely, you can hear Butler tell Browner, “I got 37.” HEADOVERHEELSINLOVE.

15. Simmons equating the final minute of XLIX as Belichick’s version of Jordan at the end of Game 6 of the 1998 NBA Finals. I’m not ready to concede that. As I’ve written on Newsweek, it was brilliant of Belichick to have Butler ready to defend that specific play. But it was more stupid of Seattle not to hand the ball to Beast Mode. And I have Deadspin on my side. DISAGREED.

15. And finally, the fact that Simmons wrote that he was watching the game “at my friend Jimmy’s.” When that friend is Jimmy Kimmel. And when Simmons knows that anyone who knows the answer to “What is internet, Allison?” already is aware of the pic featuring him, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and, inscrutably, Tony Kornheiser. LOVED!