Starting Five

Super Bowl XLIX did NOT have a Bevelled edge

1. 2nd-and-Goal

Let’s begin with a few words on what will go down as one of the most memorable plays in Super Bowl history. My apologies to the Legion of Gloom…but you won’t be getting any sympathy from northern Wisconsin.

2. My Left Shark

Katy Perry enters the Shark Tank

Who was the biggest breakout star of Super Bowl XLIX: Chris Matthews, Malcolm Butler or Left Shark? All were unknown before kickoff in Glendale. As of Sunday night, two were known but it was not until Tuesday (“Voices Carry!”) that Left Shark was revealed to be dancer Bryan Gaw. Right Shark, by the way, is Scott Myrick.

According to the choreographer, the contrast between the meticulous Right Shark and the carefree Left Shark was planned. Meanwhile, Discovery Channel is planning a Left Shark Week for the ratings doldrums of August while SyFy is trying to persuade Ian Ziering to return for Left Sharknado.

3. Workaholics

“I work harder than both of you. Exponentially harder.”

Colin Cowherd works hard.
Dan Patrick works hard.

Okay, sure, as long as we are in the sandbox, we will point out that “Colin started it.” And I’m not exactly sure why Colin started it, but if it’s about the error Patrick made on Sunday night, here’s what I’ll say: Kudos to Dan for owning up to it on his show the following morning, but also if he were a female or someone lower on the network ladder he’d be paying a much dearer price, if nowhere else but the blogosphere, for it.

That said, not sure why Cowherd initiated the feud.

Still, gentlemen…you’re both very talented at what you do. No one looks good here. It’s funny how much attention ESPN will devote to a Richard Sherman versus Patrick Peterson feud, but when a pair of supposedly more mature men engage in similar duck-measuring shenanigans, the lads at ATH, PTI and FT all look away awkwardly.

For the record, Dan Schulman and Dave Pasch work a lot harder than both of you. As does every teacher I’ve ever met.

4. Restward, Ho!

Take a load off, Annie…(or D)

The best female basketball player I’ve ever seen, Diana Taurasi (and BY FAR the best basketball player I’ve ever seen who could not crack a starting five), will be taking next summer off from the WNBA. Why? Because Taurasi, who is now 32, earns far more money playing for her Russian team and they are paying her not to play for the Phoenix Mercury, who by the way won the WNBA championship last September with Taurusi leading them.

So, yes, the Mercury are in retrograde in 2015.

5. Hallelujah!

Leonard Cohen, at around the time he wrote the tune

When you look back and consider all of the amazing music that was released in the 1980s (my high school and college years, so, man, was I lucky), at everything from “When Doves Cry” to “Like A Prayer” to “Sweet Child o’ Mine” to “Wanna Be Startin’ Something” to “Livin’ on a Prayer” to “Alive and Kicking” to “In Your Eyes” to “Big Country” to “Our Lips Are Sealed” to “Fall on Me” to “Under the Milky Way” to “Your Love” to “Devil Inside” to “With or Without You” to “Come on, Eileen” to “Life in a Northern Town” to “Take on Me” to “Dreams” to “You Shook Me All Night Long” to “Don’t Stop Believing” to “Free Fallin'” to–can I stop now?

Anyway, when you think of all those great songs (and trust me, you have not wandered into at Time-Life Classics infomercial), you never think of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”, which came out in the first week of February, 1985. But this is one of the best songs you will ever hear, no? Certainly one of the most unique. It never even made it onto the U.S. charts.

My favorite version, and I’ll admit I’ve only heard a few, is the popular choice: Jeff Buckley’s 6:31 gem. I went on a trip once for work in which I knew nobody –at least at the outset–and I think I listened to that song 40 times in a row that first day just to soothe myself (then I remembered that I was in Fiji on Mark Burnett’s dime and it was like, PARTY ON, WAYNE!).

Anyway, in honor of the song’s 30th anniversary, our Zach Schonfeld and Sean Elder at The Newsweek (“Paul, is it ‘Newsweek’ or ‘The Newsweek?’) compiled a terrific list of the 60 Best Versions of the tune that will make Mr. Cohen immortal. So now I’ll be obliged to listen to it 60 times in a row, each time with a different artist.

Spoiler Alert: Mr. Cohen’s version is not in the Top 5 and Mr. Buckley’s is not their No. 1. You’ll have to click to see who is.