STARTING FIVE

1.  Almost, Jameis

With a 26-1 record, one Heisman Trophy, one citation and another sexual assault investigation, Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston has opted to forgo his final two seasons of college football for the N$L.

Can’t blame him, but I do think one more year of school would have been better for him. Here is my prediction of Winston’s press conference…

Tampa or the Jets? What could possibly go wrong…

p.s. As Medium Happy Intern in Perpetuity Jacob Anstey notes, Jameis Winston did turn 21 yesterday.

2. Yeah, I Was Expecting Something Different

Big news out of Los Angeles, where a 1994 crime involving O.J. Simpson has been resolved. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? No, I’m not. The LAPD found O.J.’s burgled Heisman Trophy, which was snatched from a trophy case inside Heritage Hall on the USC campus in 1994. Oh. That’s great news, isn’t it? I guess.

I’ll admit: I’d find it funny if Josh Shaw’s fingerprints are on the bust.

Next up: The Real Killers.

3. “Look at Me” (“DON’T LOOK AT ME!”)

Did you read Unbroken?

Have you seen the film?

If you answered, “Yes” to both questions, then you may feel the way I did: the film played almost all of the notes correctly, but it never really made any music. A good film, a respectable film, but it just wasn’t magical. Granted, Louis Zamperini’s life provided so many (or, “such a plethora of”) incredible moments that just touching upon the big ones (the 1936 Olympics, being lost at sea for 45 days, the two Japanese P.O.W. camps) left little time for atmosphere.

It was a little like one of those Super Bowl halftime concerts: you just start getting into one band and then they do a shortened version of “Baba O’Riley” and then they’ve Bonzo’d off the stage.

Anyway, I mention all of this because there was one element of magic to the Angelina Jolie-directed movie (hey, Lara Croft, we wanna see you onscreen) and that was the performance of Japanese rock star Miyavi (he’s the Boy George of Japan) also known as Takamasa Ishihara, as the sadistic and effeminate P.O.W. camp commander Watanabe, also known as “The Bird.”

Pure brilliance. A monster who is also crushing on our hero. Malevolent and yet fey. I haven’t seen a combination like that since Kramer gave up the armoir to that dude with the Spanish accent. Outstanding performance that deserves a Best Supporting Actor nod at the Oscars.

4. Cats…by a Whisker

Unbeaten and No. 1 Kentucky, the same team that ran out to a 24-0 lead on UCLA two weeks ago, needed overtime at home to eke past unranked Ole Miss, 89-86. The Kitties were 23.5-point favorites.

At halftime Kentucky trailed and John Calipari, asked by ESPN’s Kaylee Hurting (should we insert a Kaylee Hartung photo below? This is a WWTBLD –What Would The Big Lead Do?– moment) what he could do to get his team’s energy up, replied, “Heh! I will ask them nicely…”

You know what’s funny? All the men who used to be villains (Calipari, Kobe) are now my favorite quotes.

5. A Cappella & Coachella

Tickets for the ICCA (International Championship of Collegiate A Cappella) Finals went on sale yesterday. I was a regular BEFORE the Bellas ever started showering together. The finals will take place on April 18th at the Beacon Theater in New York City, roughly a six-minute walk from my front door, if anyone needs a place to crash (I’m looking at you, Fat Amy!).

By the way, check out ICCA’s rad web site. They’ve come a looooooooooooong way since I first became an a cagroupie in 2008.

Meanwhile, Coachella also announced its lineup yesterday. I’m old, so I’ll want to be there on Friday night to see AC/DC (whose drummer cannot attend because he has been charged with attempted murder; how inconvenient), Steely Dan and, of course, Ghostface Killah. Perhaps my favorite thing about Coachella –this would be my first attempt at attending– is that as a band, your font size is your worth.

Coachella takes place on consecutive weekends (April 10-12, April 17-19) with the same acts. It’s a good week to be in Phoenix, as some of the acts will take the short flight over to make some extra bank.

Reserves

Detroit, Jock City

It’s quickly turning into The Year of Franchises No One Is Ever Excited About in the NBA.

The Atlanta Hawks have the Eastern Conference’s best record (26-8) and only a week ago that honor belonged to the Toronto Raptors.

The Golden State, really Oakland Warriors have the best overall record, but at least they have a few players  that people love to watch.

And now the Detroit Pistons just won their sixth straight by overcoming a 17-point first-half deficit at defending NBA champion San Antonio to win 105-104. On the final play the Spurs were inbounding with only enough time on the clock to tap in a pass so Detroit coach Stan Van Gundy (SVG!) told his players to “form a f___’ wall” around the rim.” I think you can find that same advice on page 67 of Basketball for Dummies (co-written by yours truly).

Take out the Warriors, and between those other three teams there are a grand total of zero players the average sports fan actually knows/cares about. Not their fault; it’s just the truth.

Yes, it’s not coincidence that Detroit is 6-0 since unloading team metastasis Josh Smith.

A great stat I read on Twitter: six games after being traded, Smith still leads Detroit (11-23) in field goal attempts.

***

The L.A. D-Fenders of the NBA’s D League have in the last two weeks beaten the Reno Bighorns, 175-152, and lost to them, 174-169. I’m looking for a Donner Pass joke here, but it just ain’t coming…

*****

Not elected to Baseball’s Hall of Fame yesterday; Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens and Mike Piazza. Not an easy dilemma for the voters.

Remote Patrol

NOVA: Rise of the Drones

PBS 9 p.m.

PBS?!? Seriously, Dubs? Who died and made you an intellect? Okay, granted I’ll probably be flipping back-and-forth to The Exorcist (BBC America, 9 p.m.) or, more likely, Suns at Timberwolves (Dragics and Morrisses, oh my!, on TNT), but it feels as if drones are the technology that’s hiding (hovering) right over our heads. There’s something sinister about it all, no? Anyway, maybe we can all learn something and cash in on it in the stock market and then we’ll all be RICH…MU-HA-HA!!!!!