STARTING FIVE
The men’s winner, Filipe Toledo, from Brazil, survived a Sharknado-free event
1. Board Games
If I’m Fox Sports 1, I recognize that probably half my on-air talent and as many staffers as can afford it probably live in Manhattan Beach, Huntington Beach and/or Redondo Beach (amirite, Bruce?) and next year I land the broadcast (as opposed to webcast) rights to the U.S. Open of Surfing. It’s kind of a big deal in southern California, as you can see here…
…and you know what surfing competitions in southern California have no shortage of? Beautiful people in bathing suits…
Contestants at the U.S. Open of Surfing are subject to pier review
Yes, I’d add this to my somnolent summer lineup, as well as the Badwater Ultra from Death Valley and the Leadville Trail 100 in Colorado, the DIPSEA from Marin County and Mount Marathon from Seward, Alaska (the last two being the two oldest U.S. footraces outside the Boston Marathon). These are iconic American events (even if they are won by foreigners) that ESPN celebrity-dom and silly money have yet to spoil. The winner of this event, Toledo, pocketed $100,000, which was barely enough to cover the tab he and his friends probably rang up at Katsuya later that night.
2. Attention To Detail
The first rival band to spell out “M-I-H-I-G-A-N S-T-A-T-E” during its halftime show wins a free subscription to Miedium Happy
3. Taylor’s Summer (Hospital) Tour
Taylor Swift: Albums that go multi-platinum, heart of gold
I do love the Taylor Swift. I love how she wears dresses that make me wonder if she’s headed to a picnic with Tyrone Power . I love that she’s rather gawky and gangly and knows that deep down she’s not one of the cool kids. And I love that her heart’s always in the right place. Yesterday she visited this sick six year-old lad at Boston Children’s Hospital –while some geniuses were probably vandalizing her beach estate– and serenaded him with “We Are Never Getting Back Together,” one of the great F-You tunes of the 21st century.
Taylor actually said, “I will play ANY song you want” and with all my heart I hoped that the ragamuffin would answer, “Just don’t do anything off your new album.” (also, amateur move here, T-Swizzle: You must have one of your roadies tune the guitar before you arrive in Intensive Care).
Afterward, Taylor promised to hit two home runs for him later that night. I KNOW!
Wouldn’t it be cool if Swift did an entire summer tour of visits to children’s hospitals? Just not the one in Toronto, which she should boycott (girlcott?) because they call it, they actually refer to it, as “Sick Kids Hospital.” Seriously.
Adjacent to “Dead KIds Funeral Home”
“Mommy, am I gonna die?”
“No, Billy, everything’s fine.”
“Then why are you taking me to SICK KIDS’ HOSPITAL!?!”
4. Accepting the Scallenge
Here’s hoping you did not burn your old Scalabrine Celtics jersey
Is there anything sexier than a person who doesn’t take themselves too seriously? Pardon me while I ask Darren Rovell.
Here’s NBA veteran/journeyman Brian Scalabrine doing a near line-for-line satire on LeBron James’ “I’m Coming Home” essay to explain why he signed with the Boston Celtics. Genius.
Scalabrine has actually played 11 NBA seasons, the same number as LeBron, and has only one less NBA championship ring.
5. The Funk You Talkin’ About!
I wonder if Boseman studied tapes of Eddie Murphy doing James Brown on SNL
The Godfather of Soul, The Hardest Working Man in Show Business, James Brown (“James Browwwwwwn”…that’s for you Talking Heads fans) would probably tear off his purple leisure suit if he were to learn that the man portraying him in the biopic “Get On Up” is named Chadwick. Seriously, Chadwick? However, Chadwick Boseman, 32 and a Howard alum, is on quite a roll. Last summer he portrayed another 20th century African-American icon, Jackie Robinson (what makes it even more astounding is that Boseman is a white kid from New Canaan, Conn.) and the reviews were solid. This summer, the reviews for the film itself are lukewarm but the praise for his portrayal of Brown practically proclaims “OSCAR!”
Listen, there are three sure-fire ways to garnering at least an Oscar nom: 1) half-retard, 2) dying star turn 3) biopic. So I like Boseman’s chances here. Meanwhile, Jamie Foxx will note that he actually sang all the songs in the Ray Charles biopic, while Boseman here lip syncs.
Finally, will Boseman’s portrayal be anywhere near as charismatic as vintage Eddie Murphy’s, who launched an entire genre of SNL skits with “James Brown’s Celebrity Hot Tub Party“ in the early 1980s (Kenan Thompson’s “What’s Up With That?” completely Scalabrines it). There was a time, in the early ’80s, when Eddie Murphy was the world’s top comedian and this is why. And it ended as soon as he started releasing music himself and we all realized it wasn’t a put-on.
Where in the World
Yesterday: The Freshwater Fishing Hall of Fame, Hayward, Wisc.
Hint: Self-awareness will tell you that this is closer than you think.
Based on your hint, I’m guessing today’s WITW is Hunger Cove.
As a kid who spent part of every summer from age 0-10 at a hospital for a surgery, I think I would have gotten a kick out of the name ‘SICK KIDS HOSPITAL’. Plus, it’s a heck of a lot better than ‘Our Lady of Perpetual Tears’. Most of the hospitals I went to were town or community based & named but at age 20, I went to one named St Josephs; a Catholic hospital where some of the nurses were nuns who wore the ‘Flying Nun’ habit. Until the moment I 1st saw those nurse-nuns, I’d thought that habit was a TV exaggeration. Also, that 1st moment was when I was being reeled down to surgery & I’d already been given a “relaxer” so I was more than a bit loopy. When I awoke post-surgery, I’d thought I’d hallucinated it all until one of the nurse-nuns came around to my room. Almost fell off the bed in shock & glee.
So, Boseman went ‘Audrey Hepburn’ & not ‘Julie Andrews’ in his movie? Very disappointing. I guess I’ve never understood why one goes to all the trouble & expense of making a MUSIC biopic (or any musical) & the leads lip-sync. Perhaps if the lead was a superstar that everyone wanted to see & whose inclusion was the reason the movie got produced, but even then, I think it’s a cop-out. When I was very young, I loved ‘My Fair Lady’. Saw it several times. And then a few years later, I found out Audrey had been dubbed. I was so disappointed! I still love seeing that movie on TV, but every time Eliza “sings”, I wince & wonder how Julie would have done (since SHE was the star on Broadway in the role but was deemed too unknown for the movie). Of course, Julie laughed her way to the Oscar that very year for Mary Poppins. There were probably not enough ‘spoonfuls of sugar’ in all of the Americas for the producers of MFL that night.