STARTING FIVE

1. WOND’OH!

Belgium was totally better than the United States on Tuesday. And yet, in the 93rd minute reserve Chris Wondolowski fielded a header from Jermaine Jones and had this shot from six yards out that soared over the goal. Make that shot, and the Fighting Klinsmanns most likely advance to the quarterfinals.

Argentina was totally better than Switzerland on Tuesday. And yet, in the 119th minute reserve Blerim Dzemaili fielded a perfectly placed cross from the right wing that he headed, from no more than five yards out, directly into the left post. So close was Dzemaili that the errant shot ricocheted off his leg and beyond the end line before he even had a chance to react. Had the shot gone in, Switzerland would at least have taken Argentina to a shootout.

The better teams won and will face one another on Saturday in the quarterfinals. But they didn’t have to win.

2. Two Men, One Cup

By my count, and I did not watch every last Men in Blazers video on FC, although I did view more than half, Michael Davies and Roger Bennett told each other “I love you” at least twice while situated in “Bobley’s Panic Room in the crap part of Copacabana Beach.” I’ll miss them both as much as Roger will miss Mexican Hodor.

Here’s their final installment, in which they adamantly state  that while they are”Anti-war”, in the wake of three of the five U.S. goals in Brazil having been scored by sons of American military men stationed in Germany during those players’ (John Brooks, Jermaine Jones, Julian Green) youths, that they are “Pro-bases in Germany.”

3. Who’s at Fault? Or Double-Fault?

What exactly happened with Serena Williams during her doubles match with sister Venus on Tuesday? Officially, it was dubbed a “viral illness.” Serena’s longtime agent, Jill Smoller, was unable to be reached. Hmm.

Wimbledon legend Martina Navratilova, who has one more Grand Slam singles title (18) than Serena, was not buying it. “ “I think virus, whatever they’re saying it was, I don’t think that was it. I think it’s clear that’s not the case.”

Although there may have been a case involved. Of what, though?

On the flip side, this was the most interesting doubles match in years.

4. This Is 40 41

That’s Cameron Diaz on the cover of the August issue of Esquire. This magazine is not allowed in the Timberlake household.

5. Maleficent Seven

Do you remember when Mike Woodson had just been hired as the coach of the Knicks and, during the summer of 2012, he flew to Los Angeles to dine with Carmelo Anthony and Tyson Chandler, the latter of whom lives there? And up in the Bay Area, working out and about to become a free agent after launching a winter of Lin-sanity at MSG, was Jeremy Lin?

And Lin was all, “Hey, Coach, I hear that you and Melo are getting together and I’m not that far away” and Woodson was all like, “Uh, yeah, I guess, why don’t you, um (holds phone to see if it’s cool with Melo), yeah, why don’t you come on down and join us?

And Lin paid for his flight down?

Well, it’s two years later. And Lin is with Houston. And Melo is thinking of presenting Houston with a rose. So what do the Rockets do? They create images of Melo in a Rockets uniform…wearing Lin’s number. Awesome.

 

*That’s all’s I gots for today and I ain’t gots no more. Long day on the keyboard. And I’m no Clay Travis millionaire–yet.