STARTING FIVE
The Artist Formerly Known as Brave, Brave Sir Robben turned Recife into a dive bar
1. Oranje is the New Black List
Mexico and its manager, Wet Herrera/Mexican Hodor, led the favored Dutch 1-0 through 87 minutes of their Final 16 match on Sunday. Then, in th 88th minute, Wesley Snipes Sneijder of the Oranje got a sweet goal off a set piece. Then, in the 90th minute, one half of the Brave, Brave Sir Robbens had his toe slightly touched in the penalty box by a Mexican defender and went all opening scene of “Saving Private Ryan.”
It was awful.
A penalty kick ensued, to be struck by SuperHandsome Klaas Jan Huntelaar, who converted the goal and immediately signed a deal to appear in a remake of “Air Wolf.”
And here Jan Huntelaar shows off his martial artistry.
And so Mexico is out. The Men in Blazers’ lament. As you know (are sick of), I’m utterly gobsmacked by this pair (to the point that I now annoyingly drop in British terms to my lingo), but I think my favorite thing is hearing Michael Davies’ saying, “Bob Ley’s Panic Room” so that it sounds like, “Bubbly’s Panic Room.”
Miguel Herrera, or as Roger Bennett said, “Chris Farley’s ghost spirit mating with Pete Rose’s hairdo.”
2. Heat Up Some Leftovers?
Justin Theroux is the answer. The question: What would the disheveled spawn of Mel Gibson and Carson Daly look like?
It’s been a feast on Sunday nights all of 2014 so far. From the end of Walking Dead’s half-season to Rust Cohle and Marty Hart in True Detective to the Golden Globes, the SAG Awards and the Oscars, to Mad Men and Veep and Silicon Valley to, of course, Game of Thrones. So now that the feast is over, what remains?
Well, there’s a few weeks’ reprieve to allow critics time to sharpen their MacBook keys before the final season of The Newsroom gets underway (and, hey, Sloane Sabbith, nice boyfriend upgrade, by the way). Last night HBO attempted to sate our appetite with “The Leftovers”, an apocalyptic view of the world in which 2% of the Earth’s population suddenly vanishes.
(I’d call this progress, but hey, that’s just me;).
The Leftovers is not to be confused with Leftoverture, an album by Kansas that is not to be confused with its other album, Point of Know Return, which would actually make a better title for this series.
More white walkers–just another Sunday night at HBO.
Anyway, if you like the idea of Jennifer Aniston’s dude in a starring role and Amy Brenneman hanging out with a cult of smokers who don’t believe in shampoo, then this series is for you. I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. The most inspired scene may have come when the police chief, Mr. Aniston (Justin Theroux) is watching TV at a bar as a cable news channel lists all the celebs who vanished and one of them was Shaq, which leads me to wonder if Charles Barkley is not a producer. Here’s Alan Sepinwall’s review.
3. KKKKKKKKKKKKKershaw!
Kershaw: Baseball’s most HoF-ready player under 30…but have you seen him in a single TV ad? (How about, “Kershaw Force?”)
Los Angeles Dodger ace Clayton Kershaw –not to be confused with Kate Capshaw, but why would you? –fans 13 Cardinals as the Los Angelenos defeat the St. Louisenos, 6-0. Kershaw’s last 3 outings:
Record: 3-0
Strikeouts: 36
Innings: 24
Earned Runs: 0
Hits Allowed: 11
Here’s a Not-Sucky profile of Kershaw by Grantland if you have a free half-hour or so.
4. The World’s Most Famous Serena
For the record, Margaret Court, whose last GS came in 1972, has a record-24 GS wins. Steffi Graf? 22. Serena: 17.
The most dominant female tennis player of the past decade? Serena Williams, who won 16 Grand Slams between 2002 and 2013, bowed out at Wimbledon in the 3rd round over the weekend against Alize Cornet, who previously had gone 0-13 versus Top 20 competition in grand slams.
Williams, 32, has now bowed out in the 4th, 2nd and 3rd rounds of grand slams this year –and incidentally, she has never even hit a grand slam in a baseball game! What’s up with that?!?– and next to 2014 on her Wikipedia page you will simply see the word, “Decline.”
Ouch, babe. If Serena does not advance beyond the 4th round at the U.S. Open in Augtember, it would be only the second time since 1998 (the first, 2006) in which she failed to advance beyond the 4th round in all four grand slams.
Between you and me, I don’t think she’s ever going to catch Jack Nicklaus.
5. Chris Rocks
I happen to be white (No!) and I prefer Chris Rock to Kid Rock times, like, a thousand. Here he is last night hosting the BET Awards. I won’t ruin any punch lines for you other than to say that, like that dude Vanessa Williams used to sing about, he saves the best for last.
Where in the World?
Hint: This is not a monument to Jamie Lannister
Friday: Ball’s Pyramid, off the east coast of Australia. The world’s tallest sea stack, which is not to be confused with the world’s tallest Sleestak.
I’ve been loving the World Cup! Despite the fact that MY great-great-great-great-great-great-great-(not sure how many)-grandfather landed in Philadelphia in the 1670s. Yep, ole Balthazar may not have been one of THE wise men, but he was wise enough to get the hell out of the Palatinate more than 2 centuries before the crap really hit the fan.
Anyhoo, that’s the LAST time I listen to the soccer “experts”! None of the various “poohbahs” polled/quoted by SI, Yahoosports, Bleacher Reports, or ESPN said the USA had a, um, “Coulter’s” chance of getting out of the Group of Death. And some of these Einsteins even picked SPAIN (hasta la vista!) as the likely champs.
I also adore the Men in Blazers & have been pondering the various sports that their weekly if not daily input would be muy beneficial – pretty much every American pro sport. And the 2016 Presidential election!
As for my (& ESPN)’s other preoccupation these past 2 weeks – WHAT ABOUT LEBRON? Well, up til today, I’d been feeling uber-confident that the Big 3 would return to the Heat, along with some other needed free agents. I nodded my head & smiled over each breathless announcement that 1 of the Three Amigos had opted out. Then a few hours ago I read that Sweet Pea wants a MAX contract! Heck, I thought the whole point about them opting out was to FREE UP MOOLA to get other needed guys? Maybe he’s just saying that to discourage other teams from wasting their time working up “presentations”? I (I!), I BELIEVE (I believe!), I BELIEVE THAT, (I believe that!), I BELIEVE THAT THE HEAT WILL WIN LEBRON! 🙂
Is that hand near 29 Palms, California? 🙂
Regardless, I’m giving it a big thumbs up.
My bad! Palm Desert?