STARTING FIVE

1. Adios, Espana!

Spain, the last nation standing at World Cup 2010, is the first side eliminated in World Cup 2014. So it goes. La Furia Roja were the victims of a Chile cook-off yesterday, 2-0. While Spain will still play Australia in a Battle of Two of The Better Countries You’ll Ever Visit, it’s over.

Through two matches the Spaniards have scored just once, and that via a dubious penalty kick.

Italy, which won World Cup 2006, also was eliminated in the group stage in their follow-up appearance.

2. Clayton Place

Los Angeles Dodger ace Clayton Kershaw struck out a career-high 15 batters last night.

And he allowed career lows in hits (0) and bases on balls( 0) against the Colorado Rockies, the most potent offensive ball club in the National League.

So that’s a good night.

It was Kershaw’s first career no-hitter, but the 2nd of the season for L.A. (Josh Beckett), which leads all franchises with 21 no-hitters in the game’s history. Zack Greinke, L.A.’s highest-salaried pitcher, you’re next. Also, it was the first time in Major League history that a pitcher struck out 15 while walking none and allowing zero hits because, you know, Rule 28.

Yes, Hanny Ramirez (“that’s Hanley!”) committed an error in the 7th inning that cost Kershaw a perfect game. On the other hand, the next Rockies batter hit a ball down the third base line that compelled Dodger 3rd baseman Miguel Rojas to make an incredible play (nice catch at first, too, by Adrian Gonzalez) to preserve the historic night.

Finally, while Kershaw did sign the richest deal for a pitcher in Major League history back in January –seven years, $215 million– technically he is only earning $6.57 million this season (plus an $18 million signing bonus).

3. Pitch Perfect *  **

Outstanding match in Porto Alegre between the Oranje and the Socceroos, the latter of whom entered the World Cup with the lowest FIFA ranking (62nd)  of any nation.

After a choppy 20 minutes under azure skies, Arjen “Brave, Brave Sir” Robben basically went all virtuoso drum solo on a half-field fast break to put the Dutch up 1-0. But the ‘roos scored an equalizer just 70 seconds later on an astounding goal by national legend Tim Cahill, 34.

Then, early in the second half, the ‘roos went up 2-1. They did, after all, have home hemisphere advantage. The Dutch tied it this time on a goal by “Just For Men” All-Star Robin Van Persie. A few minutes later, the Aussies blew an easy chance to retake the lead and on the ensuing Dutch counterattack, 21 year-old prodigy Memphis DePay, who’d subbed in just before halftime, drilled the game-winner.

Holland is now 2-0 and along with Chile advances out of its group stage with one match remaining…against one another, in fact.

*The judges would also have accepted “Finding Netherlands”

**Did you really think I wouldn’t be pulling out this headline?

4. Patently Offensive?

So the U.S. Patent & Trademark Office weighed in on the “Redskins” issue, canceling its trademark on the term because it is “disparaging to Native Americans.”

What does this mean? It means that we have to stomach a lot of Darren Rovell, albeit on the phone, on SportsCenter for a few days. And you have to wonder if expunging a racist nickname is worth all that.

The Patent Office is now seeking to eliminate LeBron James’ patented move, the crab-dribble.

5. Here We Go Again (Again)

Iraq, really?

This is shaping up to be the worst trilogy since The NeverEnding Story, The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter, and The NeverEnding Story III: Escape from Fantasia. In fact, you don’t even need to change the titles except for subbing in “Fallujah” for “Fantasia.”

And there was Dick Cheney all over the place last night promoting the movie.

When Megyn Kelly of FOX News of all people is telling Cheney “you got it wrong on Iraq”, when Glenn Beck is finally admitting on air “you can’t force democracy on people,” well, we’ve gone down the rabbit hole and deep.

I’ve got a weapon of mass destruction for you: Paranoia.

And there was Anderson Cooper reporting live from Baghdad last night. You have to respect a NYC-based television personality who’ll forsake a summer weekend in the Hamptons dive into a world-class pit of chaos like that.

Reserves

Kevin Spacey talks Johnny Carson (I don’t know how old this is). There’s a classic vignette he shares at about the 3:30 mark. Like I’ve said, Spacey himself would make an excellent late night host.

****

Miss USA, Nia Sanchez, appears on Letterman to do the Top 10 list. Wisely avoids mentioning whether or not she’s on Tinder.

Remote Patrol

Uruguay vs. England

ESPN 3 p.m.

Both sides are coming off a loss, so this is a veritable elimination match. An English defeat would take the piss out of ESPN’s cheeky “Men in Blazers” duo, while a loss for Uruguay would mean you’d have to listen to all your Uruguayan friends bitch and moan for a week. I know. You, too? Luis Suarez plays for Uruguay and also for Liverpool, and he’s kind of like a combo of Mike Tyson and Donald Sterling of soccer. Not a popular bloke.