STARTING FIVE

1. Johnny Futbol *

The Yanks hold off the Black Stars of Ghana, 2-1, in both sides’ Group G opener in Natal (which means that all U.S. qualifying matches for the 2014 World Cup were pre-Natal). John Brooks, who subbed in after halftime, scored the winning header just three minues after Ghana had evened the score in the 82nd minute.

The six-foot-four Brooks, 21, is the son of a U.S. serviceman and was born in Berlin. This was his first international goal and the first for any U.S. sub in a World Cup match.

I took in the entire affair from a Ghanian restaurant in the Bronx.

 

*kudos to the Philadelphia Inquirer for that hed

2. Portuguese Men-of-Woe*

Poor Cristiano Ronaldo. His Portugal side was silenced, 4-0, by Germany in their World Cup opener. Thomas Muller of die Mannschaft (Beavis and Butthead’s favorite national team nickname) scored a hat trick. The Germans hosted the World Cup in 2006 and lost to Brazil in the final of the 2002 World Cup. Might we be seeing a role reversal this time around?

 

*kudos to Greg Auman for this

3. Tony Gwynn

There is only one man in the post-integration era of Major League Baseball whose career batting average is in the all-time Top 20 and that player is former San Diego Padre Tony Gwynn (.338), who died of cancer yesterday at the age of 54. It is remarkable to note, as Tyler Kepner did in his poignant and personal New York Times tribute, that Gwynn’s lifetime average against Greg Maddux, arguably the greatest pitcher since Sandy Koufax, was .415. Or that Pedro Martinez never struck him out in 36 at-bats.

Gwynn, who dipped tobacco much of his career, died of cancer to the mouth and salivary glands. I never met Gwynn, but to see him and to HEAR him, he always sounded like an 11 year-old boy. And I mean that in the best possible way. In a way, he reminded me a little of SNL’s Kenan Thompson.

A few days ago I tweeted out a quote from Jim Carrey, who said, “The only real currency is the effect you have on other people’s lives” and judging from the plethora of encomia that greeted Gywnn’s passing, like here, he was a very wealthy man.

4. Whitney Cummings and Goings

The comedienne appeared on Letterman last night and he asked her about her doing shows in 40 different cities last winter. The host wondered how arduous that was and what was her longest stretch away from home. “Only six or seven days, I go in and out,” she says, “but now that there’s Tinder out there, I really have a better time.”

Dave did not know what Tinder is.

I’m having a hard time believing Whitney Cummings is on Tinder.

5. You’re Wrong, Kobe

Kobe Bryant was asked about Jurgen Klinsmann’s remarks about American pro franchises overpaying for past-their-prime talent as a thank you, and naturally he laughed. Bryant, who is in Brazil enjoying the World Cup, was actually quite diplomatic in his response. “I see his perspective,” said Kobe, who grew up in Italy but is supporting his “Nike family”, i.e. Brazil. “But the one perspective that he’s missing from an ownership point of view is that you want to be part of an ownership group that is rewarding its players for what they’ve done, while balancing the team going forward. If you’re another player in the future and you’re looking at the Lakers organization, you want to be a part of an organization that takes care of its players while at the same time, planning for the future.”

My question? Do you really want to be part of that ownership group? How often does a Kobe Bryant come around? Is a future player really not going to sign with a team just because that team doesn’t overpay a 36 year-old icon in his twilight years? Besides, as Kobe knows well, the Lakers cannot at all plan for the future as long as he is part of their present.

I love Kobe. Love his game, love his competitive streak. Don’t begrudge him the salary. And of course, what is he supposed to say? But, objectively speaking, Klinsmann is correct here.