STARTING FIVE

Marty kills on Dave…again

1. Short Take

“I swear, this is coming from the bottom of where my heart should be…”

Martin Short, part of the Holy Trinity of talk show guests (Bill Murray, Tom Hanks) comes out on Letterman  like the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XLVIII last night. Not that too many of us (myself included) are going to ever be on a talk show couch, but this is how you do it. Come out with material, recognize that you are ON television and your job is to entertain people.

And, per usual, Short even showed up armed with a tune.

As an aside, one of my closest friends in the world (we just call him “Smo”) looks and behaves eerily a lot like Martin Short. It’s good to be around people who need to make other people laugh.

Watch the end of the segment as Short tells Letterman, “I love you” and Dave replies, “I love you.” From anyone else with a talk show, it might seem fake or maudlin. Here, it’s sincere without being sappy.

2. Better Than Nucleus vs. Pied Piper?

Tim Hudson, 38, in his first season with the Giants after 9 in Atlanta (and before that, a few with Oakland), has baseball’s 2nd-best WHIP and 2nd-best ERA (behind only Johnny Cueto)

While some of us (guilty) have been distracted by the Bay Area battle between Richard Hendrix and Gavin Belson and the nerd World Series that is Tech Crunch Startup, the area’s two baseball teams have claimed the best records in baseball.

On the East side of the bay, the Oakland A’s, who earlier this spring won 10 straight, have the best record in the American League (36-22). The A’s have scored more runs (301) than anyone in baseball despite having only the 15th-best team batting average (.251) in the MLB because, see, they do have the best On-Base Percentage (.339) of any team and even Bill James’ Seamless delivery guy understands that OBP > BA. Oh, that Billy Beane is so smart. And SO handsome.

Lest we forget, the A’s pitching staff does have baseball’s best ERA (2.91) and its second-best WHIP. That matters, too. Sonny Gray, Cy Young candidate.

Over at McCovey Cove, the San Francisco Giants have baseball’s best record overall (37-21). San Fran is in the bottom-third of baseball in terms of OBP (23rd) and is ninth in Runs, but they do have baseball’s 2nd-best WHIP and third-best ERA.

Get ready for “Moneyball 2: Bay Area Boogaloo.”

3. Catch-22 Jump Street

Here’s Jonah Hill on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon copping to what he feels was some Superbad behavior aimed at a paparazzo.

You cannot do a public apology better than this. There was no conditional “If I offended you…”, and he never let himself off the hook. Jonah, I always liked you, but as I listened to this, my respect swung from six to midnight.

Now that Hill has apologized, let’s hope that this is the end.

4. No Go, Bowe?

This Bowe Bergdahl-for-five-Jihadists trade is so awful that I half-believe Jim Dolan was behind it. It takes me back to my childhood, when my Phoenix Suns traded Dennis Johnson straight up to the Celtics for Rick Robey and I thought, Surely, there must be some behind-the-scenes genius to this move that I do not yet comprehend but I soon will? Except that there wasn’t.

There must be a way to void this trade, no? Can’t we claim that Bowe failed his physical? Couldn’t Adam Silver have intervened and compel the U.S. to send the Jihadis to the Clippers instead?  I try to avoid politics here, but it sure sounds as if the Obama admin. got hung out to dry on this one.

5. How To Train Your Dragon…

Dayton Dragons > Imagine Dragons

…to do sign language? Now I’ve seen it all. This happened on Saturday. By now I hope Dayton has promoted Heater, the mascot, to third base coach.

Reserves

This song, “Pompeii” by Bastille (the band is so named because lead singer Dan Smith was born on July 14) has been getting heavy rotation on the Medium Happy turntable of late. Here they are performing at Coachella. It’s very early ’80s, like a collaboration between Adam Ant, Big Country and The Alarm. And what’s wrong with that?

Go Bask, Alice

Alice Fredenham

Remote Patrol

Game 1, Stanley Cup Finals: Rangers at Kings

NBC 8 p.m.

Marian Gaborik, who played four seasons for the Rangers, leads LA in playoff goals with 12 in 21 games.

And you thought Staples Center was going to be vacated this June? C’mon! The Mayor of L.A. Live, Arash Markazi, will be on hand, I’m sure. If Staples Center hasn’t given him his own luxury suite and/or cot yet, they should. He lives in this building. And, honestly, if anyone could coax Satples into doing so, our man Guest List Markazi is just the dude.