STARTING FIVE
1. Gay is the New Black
The St. Louis Wham!?
“I went to an NFL Draft watch party and a scene from The Family Stone broke out?”
Of course it’s cool that Michael Sam is gay. And it’s to be expected: he’s probably been exposed to computers, right, Ginsberg?
When Sammy smooched Archie more than 40 years ago, Twitter did not exist.
It’s funny how one week the world of sports fandom (fandumb?) gets a lesson in racial tolerance, and then the next week we get a lesson in sexual tolerance. And it’s ironic that some people who are victims of racial intolerance can be perpetrators of the latter, right, Marshall Henderson?
All of which leads us to…
2. …The World’s Wurst Person
From Wurst to First
This is Conchita Wurst: (s)he’s your run-of-the-mill Austrian drag queen chanteuse, and this weekend she won Eurovision, which is like “American Idol” meets the Euro Cup. Each European nation sends one representative in a continent-wide sing-off, and this year Wurst finished first in Copenhagen with her salute to the NBA Western Conference’s ninth-place finishers..
As John Oliver noted on “Last Week Tonight”, which brought my attention to this event, Wurst beat out Russia’s Tolmachevy twins, teen sisters whose song “Shine” seemed like a stalker ode from their motherland to Crimea:
“Maybe there’s a place/Maybe there’s a time,
Maybe there’s a day you’ll be mine,
Something’s gotta give/Maek a brighter day…”
3. Happy Mother’s Day, from “Mad Men”*
Don Draper to Roger Sterling: “Anything you can do/I can do better.”
Betty Draper, to daughter Sally: “I ought to break your arm!”
Meghan Draper: “I don’t know if I’ll have kids. Don’s children are almost more than I can handle (even though I live in Laurel Canyon and they live in Westchester and I haven’t seen them in ages).”
Stephanie: “I’m just going to keep making subtle allusions to Charles Manson until someone realizes I’m carrying his love child.”
My dream plot for next week’s episode of “Mad Men” features subtle allusions throughout to scenes depicted in Bryan Adams’ “Summer of ’69.” I know, too much to ask.
*You know, Betty, if you were really smart, you’d have said, “I’m smart, I speak Italian” in Italian.
4. Game of Loans
Regicide? Maybe I should’ve considered patricide.
It was a very C-SPAN night in Westeros, as we had no wildlings, Jon Snow or the Hound, but instead a loan request from the Iron Bank of Braavos, municipal board meetings for Daenerys –I loved when she shot Jorah the “When may we break for lunch?” glance, and a murder trial from the Iron Throne.
Although I will admit that it was refreshing not to hear Tyrion Lannister say that he poisoned King Joffrey accidentally and continually address his father as “M’ lady.”
As usual, Andy Greenwald of Grantland.com submits a superior recap on the evening. He must’ve aced English Comp & Lit in college. The man grasps themes rather well.
In my parallel universe episode, Grand Maester Pycelle enumerates, instead of the types of poisons in his possession, the discography of hair-metal rockers Poison: “Look What the Cat Dragged In”, “Open Up and Say…Ahh.”
5. Thunder Struck
Oklahoma City led 32-15 after one quarter. But they trailed 101-99 after four. And that’s all that matters.