STARTING FIVE

There’s no foreign substance replay, as far as I am aware, but no, that ain’t dirt.

1. “You Say Pineda, I Say Pedroia”

2. Goo Goo Goo Joob

Walrus and Smallrus

3. LOL, Lolo

Will Lolo solo at ESPYs? (I hereby publicly request to be her escort)

4. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inductions

Nirvana, and its surviving DNA.

5. Big Chimpin’

Reserves

This AT&T parody of “True Detective” and its own ads is brilliant (“That’s not even a thang”). Give that man or woman who thought of this a raise.

***

Nora Tobin, personal trainer.

Now this is just smart magazinery. Shape puts out a list of the “50 Hottest Female Trainers” (oh, and okay, “50 Hottest Male Trainers” [go wild, A.J.] in America. I’m waiting on their “50 Hottest Female Trainers in Iceland.”)

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

Chief Bender

 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993: Reggie Jackson, RF, Tom Seaver, P

1994

Phil Niekro, P; 1964-1987, Braves, 3 others

The ultimate knuckle ball maestro, Niekro lasted 24 seasons, winning 318 games (16th all time) and striking out 3,342 (11th). He retired at age 48 (only Julio Franco, who would come decades later, played at an older age). Niekro threw one no-hitter and is also the last pitcher to win and lose 20 games in the same season (21-20 in 1979). Ralph Kiner once compared Niekro’s knuckler to “watching Mario Andretti park a car”, which is a better line than most sportswriters have ever dreamed of. True to his quirky pitch, Niekro was born on April Fool’s Day.

Rollie Fingers, P; 1968-1985, A’s, Padres

While he technically has a losing record (114-118), Fingers was one of baseball first superb closers, saving a league-leading 35 games in 1977 and 37 games in 1978. In 1981 with the Brewers he won both the Cy Young and the AL MVP after saving 28 games with a ridiculous 1.04 ERA and –even though the stat had yet to be invented — 0.872 WHIP. A seven-time All Star and three-time World Series champ, Fingers merits induction for his handlebar mustache alone.

Remote Patrol

Mad Men

Sunday, 10 p.m.

So you’ve got GoT at 9 p.m. followed by , Don Draper Dick Whitman, last seen sharing a priceless moment with his children as they stood outside his childhood whorehouse as Judy Collins’ “Both Sides Now” played in the background. Seriously, though, that was one of the best television moments of ever.