STARTING FIVE

1. Callipygian Sisters*

My cousin asserts that there’s a Seinfeld moment for every situation in life, and I have to agree with her. Take the release of the Sports Illustrated’s 50th Anniversary swimsuit issue cover today. How could you not instantly think of the “ASSMAN” episode?

I have to be honest. I hadn’t thought of that word in years until I saw it in my colleague Alexander Nazaryan’s story this week. It applies perfectly here.

2. Rushmore

So I saw a headline this morning asking, “Does Jeter belong on Yankees’ Mount Rushmore?” and I thought, Oh, no, here we go. Two weeks of Rushmore debates. This much I do know: “Rushmore” belongs on Wes Anderson’s Mount Rushmore of films.

As for Jeter, okay, I’ll take “de-bait”: You’re going to put four Yankee faces on the side of a mountain in the Adirondacks? Babe Ruth goes first. No. 9 all-time in batting average, No. 3 all-time in home runs, No. 2 in OBP,   No. 1 in slugging percentage and, as a pitcher, No. 17 in career ERA having appeared in 163 games.

Mariano Rivera is on. No. 1 all-time saves leader and No. 3 all-time in WHIP –the two men in front of him were born before 1882.

Now it gets hairy. Basically, three men for two spots: DiMaggio, Gehrig and Jeter. How do you leave any one of those three off? I’m going to add Lou Gehrig because of his lifetime .340 average, being No. 4 all-time in RBI, his 2,130-game streak and his 23 career grand slams (which should remain the record since A-Rod broke it).

Then it’s between Joltin’ Joe and Derek Jeter, who basically represented the same thing to different generations. Flip a coin. They’re both worthy.

3. Don’t Give Up/Cuz You Have Friends

U.S. figure skater Jeremy Abbott fell–again. At the beginning of his program–again. But yesterday he got up and completed his program as the crowd cheered him on. This might have been the worst moment of his career but instead it turned into the defining moment. Because even though he is out of the medals, he didn’t quit. Did. Not. Quit.

As Entertainment Weekly wrote in its daily recap, it was like that moment in Tin Cup in which Roy gives away the U.S. Open while firing a 12 on the final hole. Well, not exactly like that, but you know what I mean. We’ll remember you, Jeremy Abbott.

Because most of us never win a medal. But we all fall down.

This moment gave us chills, and that’s the metric by which Olympic Games are truly measured.

Oh, yeah, and Yevgeny Plushenko, arguably the greatest men’s figure skater of all time, got a boo boo and had to drop out and retire. Did I bury the lede?

4. Wreck on the Highway

Pennsylvania. Bucks County. The Pennsylvania Turnpike. A massive pile-up up of 50 to 100 vehicles this morning after a weather restriction for driving (45 mph) had been lifted two hours earlier. If you’re an All-State or Geico agent located in eastern Pa. this morning, you may want to phone in sick.

5. “It’s a Think Piece…”

Thespian virtuouso Philip Seymour Hoffman posthumously makes the cover of Rolling Stone. Rapper Drake, who was supposed to be on the cover, has a fit of hissy. Nice.

Reserves

I wrote this piece on the Marcus Smart situation earlier in the week and I regret omitting a major point that I had intended to make. Seven or so years ago, when a member of the media demeaned, at least in his eyes, an Oklahoma State football player, football coach Mike Gundy loudly and proudly came to that player’s defense. “Take on me! I’m a man! I’m forty!”

We all had some fun with that, but in Stillwater you can bet Gundy’s players appreciated that. And guess what? Gundy is still there and thriving. Travis Ford whiffed on a chance this week to come to his player’s defense. By not doing so he is either A) telling me that he does not believe Smart’s version of events or B) choosing to prioritize defusing a situation so that the least possible amount of bad publicity comes to the Big 12 instead of raising a valid question about what a 19 year-old black sophomore should have to deal with from fans. Me, I think Ford blew it.

***

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P.

1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B

1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF

1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B

1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B

1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B

1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B

1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P

1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P

1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul

1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF

1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P

1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS

1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B

1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C

1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B

1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B

1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B

1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P

1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C

1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF

1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF

1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P

1960:

Gabby Hartnett, C; 1922-1941, Chicago Cubs

The National League’s greatest catcher until Johnny Bench arrived, Hartnett led the Senior Circuit in percentage of runners caught stealing six times, including in 1935, when he was the NL MVP. He also hit .344 for that season. A lifetime .297 hitter, Hartnett was behind the plate for Babe Ruth’s “called shot” and Carl Hubbell’s six-strikeout All-Star Game start. He also hit the “Homer in the Gloamin'” as darkness descended on Wrigley Field in 1938, a home run that put the Cubs in first place.

Mickey Welch, P; 1880-1892, Troy Trojans, New York Giants

Who? The Brooklyn-born Welch, who stood just five-foot-eight, may be the least-renowned of the 300-game winners (307-210). In 1885 Welch, an off-speed technician, went 44-11 with a 1.66 ERA. His career ERA was a respectable 2.71

Remote Patrol

Sochi Olympics

NBC 8 p.m.

Men’s figure skating final; men’s super-combined final, which is not to be confused with two-man luge, though who could blame you?; women’s skeleton; and women’s freestyle skiing. Meredith Vieira occupies the Costas Memorial Chair this evening. Would it be such a crime to let Alex Flanagan or Mary Carillo…or Johnny Weir!…do it?