STARTING FIVE

1. Never Can Say Goodbye

Jay Leno bids adieu to The Tonight Show for the second time. Meanwhile the real party was taking place at Jimmy Kimmel Live!, whose host came after his nemesis with a double-barreled barrage of stardom in the forms of George Clooney, Bill Murray, Cate Blanchett, Matt Damon and John Goodman. Okay, and Bob Balaban.

Kimmel and Damon enjoyed their usual prank-fest, as the former substituted the latter’s white Speedo makeout scene with Michael Douglas in “Liberace” when pretending to show a “Monuments Men” scene.

Bravo to Billy Crystal for being an inspired final guest for Leno, for this tune, and for mentioning that when he visited Leno’s stark apartment in the early ’70s there was a poster of comedian Robert Klein over the bed. Creepy.

2. “You’re Like a Hip Wicked Witch of the West”

King of all media Howard Stern appears on “Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee” –“I feel like this is the most  unimportant show in show business that I’m on right now” –in host Jerry Seinfeld’s best episode yet. Insightful, brutally honest, and funny, just a pair of sexagenarian hundred millionaire Jewish kids from Long Island. This is the most aggravated Seinfeld has been since he sat across a diner booth from Costanza (watch Jerry’s exasperation when Howard orders hot water), which is why it’s so enjoyable.

Howard: “I never gave a shit, you go on and say whatever the hell you want–”

Jerry: “You’re alone in the room.”

Howard: “Well, that’s true.”

Jerry: “Oh, you just noticed that?” 

Later, as Howard attempts to inveigle Jerry to diss an unnamed old colleague:

Jerry: “Let’s not get into character assassination.”

Howard: “Who are you, Jesus?”

What I love so much about this is Seinfeld has absolutely no need to be putting himself out here. This is purely a passion project for him. He’s chronicling the thoughts and idiosyncracies of the greatest comics of our generation, an endeavor that years from now we and future generations of pop culture fans will appreciate so much more.

As we fade out, Jerry gets in a final zinger on Howard’s mane. I won’t spoil it here. Watch until the end…

3. The Peter Pan of Hoops Turns 40

Los Angeles Laker guard Steve Nash, who may I remind you is a two-time NBA Most Valuable Player Award winner, turns 40 today. As my friend Arash Markazi notes, Bob Cousy, Jason Kidd and John Stockton are the only other point guards ever to play in the league at this age.

Nash’s prowess has certainly diminished since he left the Suns, but let’s not forget that by season’s end, if he remains healthy, he will be No. 3 all-time in assists behind only Stockton and Kidd. Also, that he had FIVE 40-50-90 seasons (40% from beyond the arc, 50% from the field, 90% from the line) whereas only a handful of players have ever had one. Larry Bird had two.

4. Sochi Far, So Good

The preamble to the Sochi Olympics took place last night, with NBC’s host, Bob Costas, sporting tortoise-shell glasses to hide what he tells us is an eye infection. My favorite moment occurred about half an hour in, as Costas, New Yorker managing editor David Remnick and an obligatory Russian named Vladimir discussed Russia’s homophobic culture –then we cut directly to Russian male figure skater Yevgeny Plushenko in a glittery onesie.

5. “S-F-A!”

There are nine schools remaining in college hoops with at least 20 wins but no more than two defeats: No. 1 Syracuse, No. 2 Arizona, No. 3 Florida, No. 4 Wichita State, No. 5 San Diego State, No. 6 Villanova, No. 7 Cincinnati, No. 13 St. Louis aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand………..

……………unranked Stephen F. Austin, the pride of Nacogdoches, Texas. The Lumberjacks (21-2) have no lost since the Saturday before Thanksgiving, and one of their two defeats came to Texas, currently No. 15. Last night they led Nicholls State, a school with a winning record, by 38 points at halftime.

Is SFA a Top 25 team? Maybe not, but if this were FBS they’d have received at least a single, solitary vote in the Associated Press poll, which this week they did not.

Reserves

This June a dude will launch himself from the summit of Mount Everest and fly via wingsuit. Remember Rule No. 1: Gravity always wins.

****

Bill Nye the Science Guy debates Ken Ham on evolution truth versus Creationism. As soon as Ken explains how Noah persuaded a male and female kangaroo to enter the ark –from Australia, I’m on board with his argument.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P.

1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B

1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF

1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B

1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B

1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B

1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B

1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P

1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P

1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul

1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF

1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P

1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS

1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B

1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C

1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B

1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B

1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B

1955:

“Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; 1899-1917, Reds, Tigers

There’s no rarer base hit than a triple, and nobody hit more of them than Crawford, who alleyed 309. Crawford, who finished with a .309 career batting average and 2,961 base hits (before 3,000 became a magic number), also holds the career record for inside-the-park home runs, with 12 (and is second in that category for his career, with 51).

John Clarkson, P; 1882-1894, four teams, including Worcester Ruby Legs

Another 19th-century stud whose numbers defy credulity. In 1885 Clarkson went 53-16 with 68 complete games, 10 shutouts and 308 strikeouts. Only one pitcher, Old Hoss Radbourn, has ever won more games in one season. For his career the five-foot-ten junkball pitcher had a 328-178 record and six 30-win seasons.

 Remote Patrol

Opening Ceremony

NBC 7:30 p.m.

It’s already happened as I write this, but then again they’ve already filmed every episode of True Detective and Walking Dead for the rest of the season, haven’t they? That’ll be a battle royale on Sunday night at 9 p.m., by the way.